Do you think both sides of adoption (ap's and first mothers) are equally?

BOTZ

I agree with a lot of things that have been said, however, I do have one more thing to add.

I have seen quite a few movies that 'feature' adoption in some way, where the natural parents are never portrayed at all. The child just exists and then is adopted.

I hate those movies because they seem (to me) to be saying that an adopted person's life BEGINS when they are adopted. My own adoptive parents suffered from the "no life before adoption" syndrome BIG TIME -- still do, actually. It drives them a little crazy (not a long trip -- said tongue-in-cheek) that I have found and reunited with NOT ONLY my natural parents but also the lovely couple that 'fostered' me for 16 days (minus the time I was in the hospital...although they did come see me and/or stay all night during those times). As an aside, my mother has told me that, if she'd had a choice, she'd have chosen this couple to adopt me. (She had no say, though.)

A couple of examples I can think of are Stuart Little, Annie (the natural parents are dead, but Annie was not told that until much later), Problem Child, and Season's of the Heart (I think that's the name -- it was a Hallmark made-for-TV movie). There are others that I can't think of right now, but over and over again I remember thinking, "Why don't they talk about the child's life BEFORE the adoption?"

As to when the natural parents are portrayed along with the adoptive parents...I agree with most of what has already been said. In a lot of cases, the first fathers are entirely ignored. The first mothers are very often teenagers (I notice this because mine wasn't when I was born), insecure, not too smart, often drunks or on drugs, promiscuous, lazy, uncaring...it goes on and on. I've got flashes of scenes from different shows and movies running through my mind and I can't remember what some of them are from.

One that bothers me immensely is the very end of the last season of "Friends". Characters Monica and Chandler adopt twins from a young mother who is portrayed as SO STUPID that I just want to vomit. She's played by the same 'ditzy' girl who was featured in a lot of the "Scary Movie" movies -- and she plays the same type of character. It makes me so mad that she's shown to be such a nit-wit that she doesn't even KNOW she's having twins until she gives birth. Her line when the second baby is born -- "Well, they said that both heartbeats were strong but I thought they meant the baby's and mine...and I thought, 'Oh, good, because it would be really bad if my heart stopped'."

UGH! And, upon watching her babies leave the hospital room with their 'new mommy and daddy', she had much the same attitude as Juno. Sad for about 3 minutes, then all was just *peachy*. Sigh.

I've only ever seen one show of any kind where an adopter was portrayed in a negative light -- and she wasn't even *really* an adopter. She was just a kidnapper who pretended the baby she stole was her own. It was "Deep end of the Ocean". There might be more, but I haven't seen any others.

Mei Ling -- I would like to read that mother's blog, too, if you wouldn't mind sharing. PM me if you don't want to leave it publicly. :-)

eyeque46203

No, we aren't portrayed equally. I am a birth mother and am appalled by most adoption movies. In some cases we birth moms are portrayed as crazy people who kidnap the kid and torture the parents emotionally. In other movies we drag the parents thru lengthy court proceedings and we are portrayed as being selfish. Then there are movies like Juno which paint us in an emotionless light like it doesn't affect us at all. I have yet to see a movie that portrays it accurately in my opinion. Nine times out of ten the adoption moms are perfect apple pie moms and the birth moms are poor drug-addicted psychos. But it's just my opinion and I haven't watched them all so take it with a grain of salt.

Angela R

I think most tv movies want to portay one side as the "bad guy" who's taking advantage of the other "good" person for their own selfish reasons.

I've seen many TV movies where either the expectant mom / birthmother is portrayed as either a manipulative criminal praying on hopeful adoptive parents, or as irresonsible and even dangerous, and then on the same network they'll have a movie portraying the adoptive parents as baby hungry kidnappers taking advantage of young pregnant or single moms, or child abuser adopting only so they can hurt the child.

Unfortunetly I've never seen a TV movie that portrays a typical adoption situation realistically, and not taken one side to an extreme. I guess that type of movie wouldn't be as exciting.

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