Do you think if pap's listened to the out of the fog?

Lillie

Sadly, that will never happen. Why? Because:

1. Adoptees are generally not recognized as knowing what we are talking about when it comes to adoption.

2. This is doubly true when what we talk about is negative.

3. Any negative expression about adoption is automatically discounted as invalid, untrue, not to be believed. Even if it comes from the adoptee himself, in which case, see #1.

Freckle Face

Hi AB,

I know i wish i would have found this site before we adopted twice.

I don't think i ever heard of anyone ever saying anything negative about adoption until here. It would have been nice to have a more well rounded vision of adoption before we adopted. I would have went straight for foster care adoption.

Andraya

Well, some people are angry today and for once it isn't all of us disruptive and ANGRY adoplings.

I think if they were all willing to listen to ALL adoptee stories they would walk away with a more balanced view of what adoption is and what it can mean to an adoptee. Sadly I don't see that happening any time soon, the overwhelming desire/need to become parents appears to overshadow good judgement in all but a few PAPs.

Shelly P. Tofu, E.M.T.

Are you implying that all adoptees that are okay with being adopted are "in a fog"

That would be arrogant of you, seeing as you don't know them.

I have learned alot about adoption and how it's not all roses and moonbeams... I'm glad I now know that there's rights I'm going to have to fight for on behalf of my future children.. But I am simply not narrow-minded enough or naive enough to think that adoption is all evil.. etc, etc.. sorry.. my parents raised me with enough of a brain to realize everything isn't all white OR black...

You mean adopting from foster care?? I agree that is the best.. .

Or do you mean just being foster parents instead of adopting??? If so, who's the deluded one now? Yeah, I'm sure that those foster kids don't want a permanent family to call their own. I mean, one that they can live with day to day and claim as theirs.. YEah.. who'd want that..

LaraSue

Who are you to say that PAPs don't listen to adoptees?
And like Shelley said, just because there are adoptees
out there that aren't singing the same song that you are does not mean they are "in a fog."
Why do those of your ilk feel like your voices are the only ones that deserve to be heard?
No, adoption isn't all ponies and rainbows and ice cream. It also isn't all evil. Yes, reforms need to be made. OBC's need to be available, open adoption needs to be legally enforced.
PAPs aren't the only ones that are close minded around here.

monkeykitty83

I think it's important to listen to all voices. I think it's especially important for adoptive parents and prospective adoptive parents to listen to the voices of adoptees-- whether those voices are saying positive or negative things.

However, I think the listening needs to be balanced. Just like it's bad to shut out the negatives and hear only positives, it's bad to shut out the positives and hear only negative. People's experiences are mixed, and it's important to understand there's a range... not to give one set of adoptee opinions more weight than any other set.

Serenity71

Foster care kids face the same things as adopted children. They often have the same questions too.

Then the often face the heartbreak of going back to mum and dad to find nothing has changed and they have go to another foster home again change schools etc.... (Thats so not healthy for a child.)

Then when the birthparents vanishes because they don't love the child. (Which happens often) This has happened to one of my friends foster child. Yep its all roses and fairytales to be fostered and much better apparently for the child.

Life isn't fairy tales, cup cakes and cotton candy. But you can have some it to remind you why you get out of bed each day. If its all doom and gloom why bother.

You might just focus on the negatives of being adopted, but that's your choice.

Randy B

Jeez. From what I read here I'm doomed from all sides.

I've been adopted....yet I don't know what I'm talking about.

I've adopted myself....yet I don't know what I'm talking about.

One of those adoptions was international...yet I don't know what I'm talking about.

One of those adoptions was domestic...yet I don't know what I'm talking about.

I'm currently a foster parent...yet I don't know what I'm talking about.

I've fathered a child with my wife...yet I don't know what I'm talking about.

I never realized I was so out of touch. Thanks for enlightening me.

Mei-Ling

OP: Please don't call it The Fog. That's insulting to other adoptees who don't feel as if they haven't lost anything. I know, I'm one of the ones who believes there was a traumatic loss, but I don't think anyone has the "right" here to judge whether or not someone's feelings are in The Fog.

"I know, for a fact, that some don't even read a response when it comes from some of the regulars, because they know it is going to be so nasty."

Yeah. I try to remind myself that there's a living person at the other end of the screen. That usually delays my trigger responses.

Randy B: Your answer made me laugh. @@

Jennifer L: I agree. I don't like the "me me me" replies that pop up - they're just attacking.

Sophie

I have never heard one "pap" or "ap" say adoption is a fairytale. Those are your words, my dear.

Me, I didn't want to adopt a child from foster care. I wanted to adopt a child from Guatemala. And to be quite honest, my son was in foster care- IN GUATEMALA. I still keep in touch with his foster parents.

Unlike some people, I believe ALL children deserve a loving home. Not just the high and mighty American children.

Sly

If you are talking about the video of "Out of the Fog" by Susie Kidnap, which is about mothers of loss, I don't believe that any PAPs care enough about the mothers to watch it. It is painful. Those women are my friends, my peers and I know and respect each and every one of them, including the filmmaker. It shows the pain and the unacknowledged grief that the mother carries inside for years.

What do I know?

I agree with Shelly, Stilttc, monkeyki, and Kristy

It is important to listen to everyone.. and not all adoptees that think differently than you are "in a fog" dear.

Oh.. Shelly is one of my contacts and happened to mention that you apparently blocked her as soon as she answered this Q..

NOW who's preaching about "listening to others." ROTFLOL

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