Do you think it's important to read books, articles, blogs and watch works?

Gaia Raain II

I recently read parts of "Dear Birthmother, Thank You For Our Child" (I could have that title wrong because I bookmooched it, so it's gone now). I was kind of torn about that book. I didn't disagree with EVERYTHING that was said, but after a few of the letters that really marginalized and dismissed first parents (i.e. "we're so glad you gave us your child, because she's doing just fine and you're really not important in her life. Thanks a bunch!" <--Not a direct quote.) I had to put it down.

I do try to learn from various sources. Heck for years, the "rainbows and roses" view was all we got! I've spent years reading stuff I didn't agree with in the name of getting educated.

The only books I've found to be completely worthless to me were these:

http://www.comeunity.com/adoption/adopt/interview-patjohnston.html
http://www.alibris.com/search/books/isbn/1578567033
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0961955902/qid=911792314/002-4921720-9498661

The first and last ones had no similarities to our situation and just weren't useful. The second one advocates the use of physical abuse, and the authors are condescending and insist that their way is the ONLY way. Puke.

Otherwise, even if I've completely disagreed with most of what was written, I've gotten at least something important out of each of the books I've read.

â™¥â™¥Ritaâ™¥â™¥

I think it is important to be informed...even if you do not agree.

If you only "know" your own point of view you take on the persona of someone with their head in the sand.

Carol c

I used to read everything I could get my hands on about adoption. I would guess I've read well over a hundred books about adoption written from every perspective. I've attended lots of conferences and listened to authors/speaker/experts that I sometimes don't agree with .

But not anymore. I just don't have the time or interest to read more than a paragraph or two by authors who glorify or promote adoption. I would never read "Fast Track Adoptions" because I have no respect for the author. I do read a few blogs but they're mostly written by people who have shared my experience and are activists for change as I consider myself.

I'm also at a different place in my life - I'm trying to focus more on my place in the world and spirituality.

Looney Tunes

I read everything I can on the foster care system and on foster kids. And yes, I even listen to the "good endings" although the majority are not. Why, because when I goto battle for changes in the foster care system I can say "Why were you only able to get it right 10% of the time; while the other 90% of the time you screwed up. Things need to change, because if 10% of the time things are right, there is proof that it can be done!" Both good and bad statistics help me.

About Abuse and to those who responded to LovetheLord:
ALL ABUSE IS HORRIBLE. No-one should EVER abuse a child; not any type of parent, not any trusted adult; NO-ONE.
Abuse of any kind has a lasting effect on people and anyone who was in a position of power can destroy a child through abuse...Bio-parents, foster parents, adoptive parents all can cause incredible pain and suffering.

Mei-Ling

OP: Yes. You can learn a lot by reading through others' perspectives.

Lovethelord: "One perspective I'd like to share with the few that might read this is if you're an abused adoptee, what makes you think that Tons of biological children weren't abused by their biological parents?"

There's a double standard here of sorts. If someone says "Bio kids were abused by their bio parents" everyone will agree that abuse is just wrong.

If someone says "Bio kids were abused by their adoptive parents, BUT I know of 457398+ other cases where bio kids went to loving adoptive parents so stop your whining!"... then isn't that dismissing the cases of abuse IN adoptive families that DID happen?

Because we all know that there's a case where a bio child went to perfectly loving adoptive parents, so let's shrug off the one case out of a thousand where the bio child happened to get abused. After all, bio kids get abused by their bio families too!! Right?!

The whole point of adoption is to get the child into a LOVING HOME. Not a "well it's USUALLY a loving home but really is a crapshoot!"

A LOVING HOME. PERIOD. Without comparisons!

[What I was saying is there are adoptees on this forum who think that ALL adoption is bad because they were abused.]

Um, most of the outspoken adoptees on here who were not abused haven't said adoption is all bad. There's only a few abused adoptees on here who have spoken out about their abusive situations...

kateiskate

I've recently started reading about it more. I refuse to read any rainbow vomit because I already know exactly what it says because I hid my hurt and real feelings under all of it for, well my whole life. I will not go back to being in denial! I also feel an incredible sense of guilt pertaining to my pain when I read rainbow vomit as if it's trying to smush me back under a rock or something. I do believe in reading all points of view though. If I only read what agreed with my point of view I would have never read some of the great (maybe less than positive) answers from some of the adoptees and first moms here that really gave me that "lightbulb" moment. So yeah, in order to evolve and change and grow you have to diversify.

LovetheLORDfirst

Yes. Until you learn another's perspective, you'll only have your own.

One perspective I'd like to share with the few that might read this is if you're an abused adoptee, what makes you think that Tons of biological children weren't abused by their biological parents? Don't get me wrong, I am against young mothers giving up their babies due to a few doubts and other similar situations, but there are Many, Many adoptees who were adopted as either a baby or child who are very well-adjusted and felt extremely loved by their adoptive parents.

There are just too many people on this forum that are quick to be negative. Yet, ironically, they are trying to prevent more negativity from spreading.

Well, to all those who give me a thumbs down, and to the rest as well, God bless you truly!

EDIT: To those of you who misunderstood me and felt I was dismissing adopted children being abused, don't get me wrong. I am actually in the process of doing research so that I can get seriously involved with foster care reform.

What I was saying is there are adoptees on this forum who think that ALL adoption is bad because they were abused. Guess what? Some of us non-adopted children were abused too. I hope you catch my drift now. I'm just saying that though we Definitely need to reform the adoption industry, the potential for having abusive parents unfortunately comes in every package, whether biological or adopted.

EDIT EDIT: ALL ABUSE IS WRONG, BE IT TOWARDS CHILDREN OR ADULTS, clearly. What I am trying to say is that there are several formally abused adoptees on this forum who are completely against adoption. So should marriage be banned because some spouses are abusive? Should procreating be banned because some parents are abusive? Should school be banned because teachers are abusive? Should working be banned because some employers are abusive?

Adoption shouldn't be frowned upon due to the fact that some adoptees are abused; rather, abuse needs to be prevented/ minimized!

âš¡Energyâš¡

As an abused and bitter adoptee I have heard lots of opinions but spend my time thinking of and writing down the conclusions I draw from the facts of my own experiences and the information I've gathered, and I read what you said and let me tell you: the only people who aren't bitter about their abandonment are religious fanatics who have drowned their sorrows in mysticism. Anyone who faces the world honestly and rationally can see that separating an infant from its mother is a violent traumatic experience for the child and an act of either ignorance or neglect by the mother.

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: