Do you think it is wrong for ...?

Jackie B

One thing I hear over and over again is how by adopting a child from another country, you strip them of their name, their history, food, language, culture and customs. My husband and I live in Virginia but he grew up in the Philippines and can offer first-hand experiences of the level of poverty there, kids living in card board boxes. Children peddling goods in the middle of traffic.

I think too many people are way too quick to jump the gun at anyone who wants to adopt internationally. That happened to me. So what my husband and I can offer are the EXACT same things people say children are stripped of. What kind of response do I get then? None.

Yes, we are "Americanized" but still maintain the core values of the Philippines. And BTW, the Philippines is unique in that it is a melting pot of its own. The kids learn English in school quite fluently.

My sister-in-law moved here last year and she assimilated quite well. I think if a 36 year old adult can do it, any child can also.

Another thing I hear too often is to adopt from foster care. There aren't any there for the most part because families takes care of their own. Everyone says that every one else is looking for the white baby with its umbilical still attached. I'm not even remotely looking for a white baby. If they are so hard to find, logic tells you an Asian child would be even harder.

ETA: Randy B, you completely hit the head on the nail with your response. Thank you!

Randy B

Well, you can either adopt internationally and get jumped on OR you can adopt domestically of your race and get jumped on for being too specific OR you can adopt domestically but not of your race and thereby create an inter-racial family and get jumped on OR you can not adopt and then none of this matters to you. Oh, sorry, if that last one applies to you then you can get jumped on for not caring.

OR, you can do what you want and what you feel is right for you, your family and for the child(ren) you adopt and not worry about it all (although that will get you jumped on too). Fact of the matter is, follow your heart and do what you feel is right. No matter what someone will be waiting to jump.

icehockeymom7

I have adopted an Asian child (although I am Caucasian) and I think it would be wonderful for an Asian couple in the U.S. to adopt a child from their birth country. Who would be better suited to help this child truly be in touch with his/her heritage than someone from that country? I think it's a wonderful idea. I also know that there is usually some preference given to couples of the same descent (for example, Chinese couples adopting from China) and the process can be expedited for those couples. I say go for it!

mom to be

I think people should adopt from what ever country they choose. My husband and I are adopting two children from Central America. We have tried to adopt from the US and have had the bio-mothers change their minds after we have helped them out with medical bills. We were foster parents and wanted to adopt some of our foster children and that did not work out, the children went home to very abusive homes. I think there are children all over the world that need families. If you decide to do an international adoption, that's great. It takes a long time so get started on the paperwork right away. GOOD LUCK!

monkeykitty83

I don't think it's my place to say if it's "right" or "wrong"-- but it is not without issues and complications.

The life of an Asian person and an Asian American person are not the same. Regardless of your own family, in the outside world the child will have to deal with a different culture, language, and even cuisine. The child must lose biological family and homeland, even if the adoptive parents have emigrated from the same culture.

International adoption is a major, major transition and dislocation for a child, even an Asian child adopted by Asian Americans. It's still the loss of biological family, the loss of country, and the loss of culture. I'm not going to say it's wrong for you to do, as that's a personal decision, but please don't assume it will be easy or without consequences for the child just because the adoptive family is Asian American.

ETA: I'm an immigrant too, so please don't play that card with me. Thanks.

christina c

i think it is okay for them to adopt from whatever country they want to and to adopt whatever race of child that they want to. it is no one else's business. Many Blessings!

almost human

OK.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and put my foot on the balance beam.

- Racial matching is always preferable to ameliorate the extent of racism a transracial adoptee will have to face. Having parents you can identify with cuts out half the battle.
- I realize this isn't always possible with the demographics of our foster care system
- I'm against international adoption due to the huge list of things which are severed and the near impossibility of creating real connections to family, language, culture, and identity.

Given the above, what you are proposing seems reasonable with a baby, but still soooo traumatic. With every month of age the trauma is multiplied. I truly believe that. The older the child is, the more acculturated they will be and the more foreign you will be, even as an Asian American.

All these issues adult adoptees talk about - the need for children to have their first moms acknowledged - the trust and love that is appreciated by children when their adoptive parents are willing to leave the door open for contact with the first mom - the need for children to see themselves reflected biologically in SOMEONE and know they are not aliens dropped from the sky., etc., etc. These needs are all there for intercountry adoptees too - yet so heartbreakingly hard to accomplish.

Too often adoptive parents want to love a child but want to disregard the humanity that created that child. Well, that's conveniently easy to do when the parent is a $1,000 ticket and 7,000 miles and another language away.

Too often adoptive parents visit the country as tourists and take the baby home, without investigating the child's background: fact-checking and confirming a parent's death and/or contacting the relinquishing parent.

Too often adoptive parents ignore the social forces in these countries which create "orphans." and will spend upwards of $40,000 for a child out of charity, while doing absolutely nothing to improve conditions in that country, so their charity is self-serving.

Given that you'll probably do it no matter what valid reasons to the contrary there may be, I would hope that you will be proactive and conduct a beyond ethical adoption and honor the child's family and culture MORE than other transracial adoptive parents preceding you have. Please?

Even though your pairing is better, adoption is still a trauma, and it needs to be done BETTER. (and I'm still against international adoption, but certainly your scenario is the most palatable one I can think of)

Cheryl C

I think that is whatever they are comfortable with.

Helena B

yes. you would still be taking a babby from its home land. foster care. whats so worng???

DevonChaos

"not many healthy Asian babies in the US system"... What exactly is it that they are looking for? There are many babies and children of many races who are in need of a home right here. If they are willing to raise a child, they should be willing to raise a child who is "less than perfect". There are so many issues that a human being can have that aren't apparent to the naked eye at birth. I would seriously suggest that they meet with the foster care program in their locale.

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