Do you think most people think the child is to blame for being in foster care?

â™¥â™¥Ritaâ™¥â™¥

LT,

In my experience that has not been the case....in fact, it is quit the opposite. Usually people think "wow.....that poor kid, his/her parents must really be low life pieces of trash".....

Whom ever sent you that email is really spineless not to mention clueless.

Can't wait till Spring break

No absolutely not im 14 adopted whn i was 2 and well first my mom was a druggie she abused m dn my brother and she was a alchoholic when i turned 4 months old she hit me in head with beer bottlefrctured my skull and told hospital i fell on a coffetable ok i didnt cause it and she did and well now i have diferent parents who are ok but thankgod im not living with my dumb druggie mother

BLW_KAM

No, I don't! How can children be blamed for much of anything? They're just children for heaven's sake!

I was writing a response to your question about trolls and when I went to post it was gone. Here's my answer:

Hi Looney,

80% of the time I ignore the troll questions, but other times my childish side comes out and I can't seem to stop my fingers.

I think Cheery Lee may be back incognito.

I'm not the reporting type, I'm the ignoring type. (Except for one question in R&S that asked why all white men had small you-know-whats. That question I reported.)

The person who sent you that e-mail should be flogged.

Freckle Face

No, only stupid people would blame the child.

silly_duck96

No. I don't blame the child at all. My aunt adopted three little girls who were molested, unfed, unclean, etc. The oldest was 7.

People are ignorant. I think if parents put their children in foster care they just don't have the patience for them. The love for them. I can understand putting a baby up for adoption. But not a 3 year old. Some times parents die though, and the children have to go into foster care. But the parents who don't take care of them, or would rather spend their time and money on drugs, are just bad. Foster children can be more wild I guess then other children..but its still not their fault they are in there.

"blessed with 4" Kaden,KeKe,Kia,KJ

I would never think that it was the childs fault, regardless of what the child does it is still the parents job to take care of them, so I blame the parents.

Opedial

No, most people to blame the parents, and maybe the system, but I think most people understand the difference between a child in a residential placement for committing an offence, and a child in need due to parental issues.

To be honest, they are usually the same type of child anyway with one difference. A young offender is often a child who has undergone great hardship and made bad choices. A child in foster care may have undergone great hardship but is there because of other people's choices.

They all need help.

I guess I hope people know the difference, but regardless people will put labels on foster children, many many myths to dispel.

JoHn S.

It's never entered my mind that it might be the child's fault. Only a fool would think this way.

I'm sorry that you have encountered such a fool. A child is in foster care due only to faulty parents, a faulty system, a faulty society, or a combination of all these.

cantstopLinnyG

I do think that some people think that it is something the child has done. It's just another stigma attached to the adoption system/industry as a whole.

I am sorry you had to read something so ignorant and hurtful. I got one a few weeks ago that said "I bet your birth mom is glad she gave you away, and that your adoptive parents are disgusted and sorry they adopted you." Cr@p like that lights a fire under my butt and makes me realize how much work still needs to be done to educate people. But then again, some people will never learn.

MamaKate

Dear LT,

"Do you think most people think the child is to blame for being in foster care?"

Certainly not any intelligent or compassionate ones!!!

I would disregard any such e-mail if I were you and chalk it up to someone with emotional disabilities and/or severe lack of brain/heat/soul...your choice.

"People" who blame victims are just as bad as the original perpetrator. They aren't worth your time or attention. Karma has a way of working these things out eventually.

(((HUGS))) Peace be.

Heather Leigh

Isn't it amazing how hateful people can be thanks to the anonymity of the internet. Most people are smart enough to know that it is not the child's fault. Those that think that are too stupid to change.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I bet someone was threatened by your opinion and had to resort to high school ways of dealing with it.

monkeykitty83

Personally, I obviously don't blame the child the slightest bit. Some people do, but I wouldn't say it's most of them.

However, I DO think that once a child is in care, many people assume that they're "damaged," beyond help, major behaviour problems, "delinquents," etc. I don't think it's so much that the majority blames the child for initially being taken into care, but I do think a lot of people make assumptions about the child and their background once they're there.

I do think there are major stereotypes about foster kids that go beyond why those kids are initially in the system. And that's very sad and wrong.

Anastasia's Mommy

I don't ever think that it's the child's fault for being in foster care. I always think it is the parents fault because the parent would have had to do something bad for the child to be taken from them by social services.

I think that people can get a bad view of foster kids though, just because a lot of emotional issues can be attached to the child - but who wouldn't have emotional issues after being torn away from your family?..

srobersonnc

Oh, gosh, I would never think it was the child's fault! I totally blame the parents, which may not be good, either, but it certainly isn't a child's fault.

SJM

People who write emails like the one you received have no self-confidence or inner peace. They base their self-worth on external appearances, and they feel they can't measure up. So, they try to degrade those who they believe have been less fortunate. They deserve a moments' pity, then they're best left ignored. Life's too short--or maybe too long. Either way. :)

Rowan

Good grief i hope not!! That is all sorts of mean. I think those of us here who have a little something called compassion and, oh yea, common sense and human decency, know its not the childs fault they are in foster care.

Sadly though, there are probably people out there like that. Lets hope they never breed.

Brain Babe

OH, my gosh, NO--I can't imagine anyone blaming the child for being in foster care. I know too many horror stories of innocent children being victimized even before they come out of the womb...

I know there are some crazy, sick people out there who would probably blame a child, just as there are folks who should never be foster parents to begin with...but I know there are good people out there also, who give foster kids a decent place to live, who protect them from further harm, and help them learn to love and trust others again.

I cannot imagine how hard it must be to be a foster child, even if you are lucky enough to be put with a good family. Don't ever let someone convince you it is your fault, because they are 100% WRONG!

Minnimouse

My mum fostered a child, she was never told about his background or problems until they came up later. But he became really difficult and he had a lot of trauma from being brought up by extremely abusive parents for over 10 years. My mum kicked him out of the house. Placed his belongings on the driveway and he came home from school to find them there. It broke my heart and it also shattered my love for my mum. Even at 9, I knew that a child is not responsible for being abused or traumatised. For years my mum has tried to tell me the logic behind it and most people would tell me to forgive her and move on. But now I'm older (21) I realise even more, that you don't give up on a child. A child who has so much pain and trauma. NEVER!! Especcially when the world has continuously given up on them. I really believe in my heart that if I had been in that situation I would have done ANYTHING for him.

Still my mum blames HIM. Calls HIM the one who can't be trusted or is evil (she's used that word). What his mother did to him was evil. He was brainwashed and starved. I'm starting to realise now that it wasn't just losing him that was difficult, but realising that I had an (adoptive) mother who would so easily give up on a child like that. If it was me or her biological child she would have stood by them. I don't think I will ever forgive her.

:D lol so yes....it does happen

allchildrenareangels

No it is never the childs fault for being in foster care. It is because, the parents aren't doing their job. Don't listen to people like that. That is just horrible and is the farthest thing from the truth.

Love,
Michelle

heavenlyflower1030

I think thats a horrible answer to give. Its never a child's fault to why they are in a foster care. They didnt CHOOSE to be in foster care no matter what they did. It obviously was the parent/guardian's decision to put them there. Children no matter what the age need attention and love from their parents. And children who are in foster care need twice as much!!!!

Independ"ant"

I don't know about most people but the humans I associate with don't.
Our country focuses more on Warfare than Welfare and families are suffering because of that.

It doesn't help the kids in care when ignorant people go into fostering with unrealistic expectations and then turn around and label the kids as damaged when things didn't go as they planned.

I believe there are "pig people" in our society that do blame the kids especially the ones that are into fostering to collect checks or are bitter because they can't have children and can't afford to buy healthy white babies.

I don't know anyone that thinks it is the childs fault. That person was and is a complete idiot. they are disagreeable for some reason and are trying to hurt you and lash out at yhou

â™¥Monkeyâ™¥

I have a family member who was put into foster care, because of things SHE did. However I hate to be one of the people who say it's the parents fault, but a lot of times it is. She was raised a certain way it made her who she became. I would never blame a child for that kind of situation. That is just ridiculous.

Siver C

I never think it's the child's fault.

friends R gifts we give ourself

no, i don't think that at all, i think there are many reasons, one parents die, parents are on drugs or in jail and can't take care of their children, they abuse their children, they don't want them, never the kids fault,

â™¥Love my dogzâ™¥

No, I think most people would blame the parents for the child being put into care, and rightly so. The amount of sympathy that exists for child abusers is disgusting, anybody who somehow thinks a child is to blame for being in foster care is pathetic.

relswete

Some people are just a** holes..A child is never the reason ! Children are helpless they are born that way and a child is not at fault if adults cannot keep them for whatever the reason..A child has no way to pick and choose what happens in their lives! BUT as an adult people like the one that left such a sickening message can be turned off, tuned out and shot down! Their is enough garbage in this world some folks need to learn how to be more caring and tolerant..It is a sad testament that a human beings can be so cruel and thoughtless to leave such a message! And of course as an adult you have to realize they are just being idiots! They should seek help on how they see the world! That makes me so so MAD! But then I suppose they are a product of there dysfunction...

Ouida B

Those people spoke out of ignorance. It is NEVER a child's fault

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