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MamaKate
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Dear Piper,
Of course not! Your first parents are a part of who you are and everyone deserves the right to know where they came from!
ETA: I wanted to come back and add some resources for you - should you decide to search.
http://www.isrr.net/
http://www.the-seeker.com/angels.htm
http://www.adultadoptees.org/
I hope that you find peace with whatever your choice may be! |
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Jennifer L
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No, there's nothing wrong with it at all. There's nothing wrong with wanting to know the people who gave birth to you. I know many Adoptive parents that fully support their children's decisions to search for their biological parents. |
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Sergio Ramosâ„¢
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Nope not at all, you should have the choice of doing so. |
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aloha.girl59
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No, it isn't wrong. You have a right to know where you came from and who you look like.
I adopted my son and if he wants to search for his first family when he's older (he's 8 now), I will support his efforts and even help him search if he wants me to. I love my son more than any other person on this planet, but that doesn't mean I 'own' him. I'm sure he has enough love in his heart for both of his mothers, so I don't feel threatened by him having another family. I hope your adoptive family is supportive of your search. |
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PhilM
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No.
Looking for your natural mother is not about your adoptive parents. I know it wasn't for me. My parents raised me and loved me.
But it doesn't mean I didn't want to know about where I came from.
My search and reunion isn't about not loving my parents, and it isn't about how they raised me.
My search and reunion was about me.
Good luck to you. |
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paralegalbunny
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I think that looking for your birth parents. Is a good idea, regardless of the outcome. Hopefully your adoptive parents would be supportive and understand. No matter how much they love and take care of you, there will always be something missing if you want to do this, and decide not too. |
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Susie
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My daughter and son-in-law have 3 adopted bi-racial children. She has kept in touch with 2 of the families through the adoption agency since the kids were adopted. The 3rd child was an "open" adoption. They met the baby's natural mama and became good friends with her and her parents. They come to visit baby # 3 regularly. When the kids are old enough and want to meet their other family, my daughter will have all the info they will need. To want to meet the people that gave you life isn't wrong, it's natural. Usually it's fear that keeps the adoptive parents from letting their child meet the natural parents. The parent that gives up a child is doing one of the most loving things that I can think of. The people that adopts a child have a lot of love to give and more than anything else want to be parents. |
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Spooky1
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No and if your adoptive parents are decent people, they should totally understand and support you through your quest. |
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doubtfire
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There is nothing wrong with that at all. It's only natural to want to know who your birth parents are. I'm sure your adoptive parents would understand. |
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Philippa
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It's a normal choice and you are right to do what is best for you. My son had a good upbringing, he loves them and is very loyal to them what I expected but he still needed to know where he came from. It will be five years in Auguast that we reunited. |
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♥♥Mum To Superkids♥♥
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No I don't think it's wrong and I don't think it's a bad idea. If anything I think it's perfectly natural and a very good idea to contact your parents if you can. Nobody has the right to tell you who you can and cannot see, and nobody has the right to tell you how you should feel.
Good luck! |
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cantstopLinnyG
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I think to NOT want to know your first family is wrong. I had a good life with my adoptive parents, even though it was not perfect, as no one's life is. But to NOT want to know my first family would be to go against everything my adoptive family taught me about love and family.
As I said before, I love my adoptive family, but I am nothing like them. To see living human beings with whom I share DNA with is a very powerful and healing thing. I look, talk, walk, think, and act like my first family. It's an amazing feeling to have!
Some adoptees may disagree with me, but I do think it is important to wait til you are a bit older. I found my first mom when I was 21. |
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gypsywinter
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You have every right to want to know from whom and where you came from. Search and Reunion is not about the adoptive parents...it is about the adopted person looking for answers to many questions you may have, that even an adoptive parent cannot answer.
I would ask how old you are, as that surely can put some kinks in the search and possible reunion. Quite a few folks here, seem to always include in their answers the 'negative' of searching...even if your mother is not a scientist or an actress...just your run-of-the-mill, average woman...the knowing is still better than the not-knowing. I sincerely hope that your aparents would be supportive of your choice to search..but if not..it is still your choice. I wish you much luck & harmony during your Journey for self-discovery. |
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sarah
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No. I gave my daughter up for adoption, and I have a much younger brother who is adopted so I think I can fairly speak from the side of both sets of parents. Theres nothing wrong with wanting to find out where you come from. It doesnt mean that you love your adoptive parents any less, or that you think of them as any less your parents, but its natural to want to know. Try explaining that to your parents... you love them and you don't want to hurt them, but you need to know about your own life, your own heritage. Even if not at first, Im sure theyll eventually understand. Good luck! :) |
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ShaFlo
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It is a choice that you yourself have to make. Do what you feel in your heart. Explain to your adoptive parents that nothing between you all will change, and that you will love them no matter what. Just explain to them you need to know why you were givin up for adoption. |
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shirley n
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not i do not think it is wrong but if you are old enough then you can so and beside if you are old enough then its your chose so there is your answer probably im going to look for my birth parents.SOON!!!!! |
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Nurse Autumn Intactivist NFP
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No, It is in NO way wrong. They are your family (yes, you have two families, and niether is more "family" than the other, they are both important) It is very natural to want to search. It is your past, present and future, and their DNA will ALWAYS be with you, regardless of what your AP's want to think. They are who you are and to not know them means you don't all of yourself.
Happy searching! |
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crzymmof8
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No because it is not up to them it is up to you. I am an adoptive mom and I know they may feel threatened by this but they have to let you decide. This doesn't mean you don't love them just that you need to do this and if they love you they need to let you. Good luck. |
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sam22254
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I don't think you will be doing them any harm they should not be ashamed to want you to met your natural parents. They should be proud that you have turned out as good as you have. |
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AdoreHim
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I am adopted and have 2 adopted children. I do not think it is wrong for you to search if that is your choice. Your adopted parents should be supportive of you either way. When I was growing up, my mom always said, that she would help me if I chose to search. The reason that I never searched was because I loved my birth mom too much. That may seem strange, but I did not want to interrupt her life. Go for it if you want to find them. My son has found his birth parents and siblings and that is perfectly ok with me. |
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Dont Judge Me
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they might be scared ur feeling towards them will change talk to them explain the reason u want to do this n how u feel it is important |
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Mrs.Kennedy
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Not at all, i think it's actually a great idea. But if they reject you, don't try to force them. |
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Sophie
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No.
No.
You have natural curiousity and it is healthy to explore your background. Some issues may be sad, scary or horrible, but some may be awesomly great! |
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tuesday101
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look at it this way, they are probably thinking that if you do find your birth parents you may find the answer that you didn't want.
So the question is, are prepared for the outcome, weather it be good or bad? |
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ramirosbaby4287
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There is nothing wrong with it! From personnal experience...the parents that raised you probably like to consider them your parents and they took you in whenever someone else abandoned you (to be blunt), but that's their point of view. You don't know why your birth parents gave you up, maybe they weren't ready for a child but if they haven't been in contact with you, maybe it's for a reason. Try asking your parents that raised you if your birth parents ever tried to find you. Just be prepared for what you might find out if you do come in contact with your birth parents.
For example. My best friend found his birth parents and they asked him what he wanted, it wasn't a it's good to meet you kind of thing, it was a what do you want. That is straight up rude and he was super hurt, but it was how his birth parents felt, they didn't want anything to do with them so they gave him up.
Now not all birth parents will be like that, but it is a possibility. Just be prepared for the worst if you go searching. GOOD LUCK!
(sorry if i was too blunt!) |
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SgtShamy
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It depends on your situation. Personally I believe that the only reason why kids go looking for their birth parents is because they think their life would have been better with them. I was adopted into a wealthy family and my brother (also adopted) and I never had the urge to go back to Korea to find out birth parents (we had different birth parents).
I don't think it's wrong. It's just curiosity. I know that my birth mother was 16yrs old and too poor to keep me as a single mother. I don't blame her. My parents have always been willing to take me back to Korea to find my "heritage" but honestly I am more comfortable in the USA and around white people.
Just be open and honest with your parents. Tell them you are just curious and would like to know more information about your birth parents. Also keep in mind that your birth parents might not want to know you. Giving up a child is hard. You don't know their situation. What if they are older now and regret giving you up because they are more mature and financially stable parents now, or what if they were forced to give you up because they were drug addicts, what if they forgot all about you and don't want to know you, etc etc. Just be careful
good luck |
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