Do you think someone is touched in the head or emotionally unstable....?

MamaKate

Oh, my! I hope this person gets some help! I feel dreadfully sorry for her! She must be in serious pain to be that attached to child she has never met! I'm sure a "failed" adoption is adding to her issues! How awful for her, although I am really glad that the child will be remaining with its family! (Sorry, I have to see both sides!)

She sounds as if she needs some therapy to deal with her own issues first. I don't think people who haven't dealt with their own reproductive issues should adopt nor do I feel that people who claim "ownership" of a child should adopt. Both are unhealthy! Children DO NOT make ADULTS' issues go away!

By the same token, FPs should have help with their issues prior to making the decision to relinquish in order to see if parenting COULD be a possibility.

I think many problems in adoption could be avoided if adults get help for THEIR issues FIRST! This goes for FPs and PAPs!! JMHO.

IDK!!

Um, probably.

I think there could be more going on in the persons head though.

I'm not in anyway defending someone who thinks they have a right to anothers child, but there is also a chance that the PAP is overwhelmed with concern for the child, not necessarily just wanting a baby.

Maybe she just needs to be reassured that the child is taken care of and that the parents are getting the support they ned to properly raise the child. Perhaps she could be involved with supporting the parents.

IDK.

But if it's just a matter of "they said I could have their baby, and now changes their mind, now I'm mad!". That's another story.

Minnimouse

I dont think adoptive parents who act like this are mentall unstable or anything I think they are just ignorant and desperate. Thye have been waiting for so long to adopt and gone through all the procedures and spent thousands and then find they don't get the child. However, this is still a horrible attitude and they should leave the birth mother alone. She is the birth mother and it is in the child's best interests for them to leave and move on. The fighting will only create conflicts that will seriously affect the child. They need to back off now. The child being in an orphanage would have affected the child for sure, but being back with their birth parents will help because they will be able to answer questions the child has later on.

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

ugh. wow....well, if a PAP really had the best interests of of the child in mind, they would be THRILLED the kid is back with her bparents.

but, obviously, this one is a tad bit selfish. imagine that.

snow flake

Yes, unstable and entitled. Not a good combo for an adopter.

me, myself, and I

touched and emotionally unstable

shouldn't be permitted to adopt right now but maybe needs some counselling to help and then review the possibility of adopting

Santa's Lil' Helper

OMG...bats in the belfry.

vamsy ajay

yah

sunny

Mentally unstable.

On par with a stalker.

Angela R

I think part of the problem is that some agencies don't make it clear to the adoptive parents that even though the child is "referrred" to them, that until the child is legally placed with them, the child isn't "their child" yet. This is the same thing that sometimes happens in domestic adoption when a couple is "matched" with an expectant mother, and prematurely told that they can consider the unborn child as "their baby".

We've adopted internationally twice, and from the begining, we knew that until the child was in the US, the biological mother had every right to change her mind about adoption. With both adoptions there was a period of six months where this could have happened. Although I admit it would have been hard not be able to adopt a child who's picture you had ben holding and dreaming about for months, on the other hand, it would have been great to know that the baby's mother was able to raise the child after all. We knew that this was unlikely in our case, because in Korea, the birthmothers can chose whether the child can be adopted internationally, only domestically, or if she wants them to remain in an orphanage. However, things do change sometimes unexpectedly and it's something that adoptive parents need to accept in that situation since the child has not yet joined their family.

Gaia Raain

Too bad those anti-stalking laws aren't international. This is really just sick and creepy. She's NEVER met the child, the child is with his/her OWN parents (who most likely had to place their child in an orphanage so that the child would have guaranteed food in his/her belly), and they are fighting to take this child to another country? WTF? What right do they think they have? I mean, why not just take the next door neighbor's kids?

Give them a baby doll and some strong meds.

sheloves_dablues

I think that until I'm placed in that person's position and know firsthand what is happening, that I have no right to make judgements about their emotional stability and right to adopt.

sk8ermom

This does happen often in international adoption. When a child is referred to an adoptive couple (international) often word gets out to the birth family that the child will be leaving. Many people leave their children for the orphanage to raise and then come back when they are old enough to work and help the family economically. They do not want their child to leave the country and either them or other relatives step in and take the child to prevent the adoption. This is how things work in many if not most poor countries. Orphanages are used for schooling and getting the children food. Also, many children go home on weekend visits and holidays with their birth parents and then are returned to the orphanage. Only about 10% of children in countries like Russia are actually completely abandoned and available for adoption. If the parents do not have contact for a year the children may be adopted. Even if they stop by for a 5 minute visit, the child is not available for another year. If it has been over a year and the children are getting adopted the family can still step up and claim the child. There is no "too late". That is how these situations of loosing a referral can happen.
So, it does happen and I can see how the adoptive parents can be heartbroken but its not their kid and to try and fight it is ridiculous. Usually the couple get put first in line for a new referral. I haven't heard a case like that (being fought). Usually you put up some good links. Do you have one for me to read up on? I liked the article on the Marshall Island adoptions you sent the other day.

Sally G

There are a lot of factors here and it's impossible to know what's going on, so you can't say someone is unstable based on just what you've stated.

Did the parents agree to an adoption, then change their mind at the last minute? If so, it's understandable that the person who wanted to adopt would be upset.

In looking at who might be "permitted" to do anything, I'm very leery of these so-called parents who decide to give up their baby, then change their mind...and the child has been in an orphanage??? That's even worse. Perhaps the baby WOULD have been better off with the adoptive parent, after all.

Parents who do this sort of thing, in general, turn out to be unstable parents.

StacieG

Having an adoption fall through is very similar in emotion to losing a pregnancy. There is a profound sense of loss involved and the grieving process needs to happen.

Now, if the PAP is stalking the child or their birth family, that shouldn't happen...but I don't know that they should be barred from ever adopting. Sometimes we do things in our grief that defy reason, but once we work through our grief and find healing we're able to go on with a normal life...or at least a new normal.

I've lost a pregnancy and have had an adoption fall through. Both took time to grieve. I'm now happy for the daughter we nearly adopted that she has a life that she's satisfied with and has everything she needs.

Mady B

i dont know, do you know her personally??

Zuko

When a family is told they are going to get a child, don't you think they would be excited? They spend money on getting everything ready, they make room in their family for a new child... just like a pregnant mommy... and then all the sudden this child is taken back.

When you say she was forced to realize she needs to leave the family alone, what was she doing? If she had never had contact with the biological family, then she couldn't possibly be harassing them.

Now if you mean LEGALLY she's bothering the family, well, that's her own perogative. I'd imagine that if the child is still with it's birth family, those parents really DO want their child and have hung in there. They ended up with their child and that's that.

It's not so much that I disagree with you... I do think that birth parents have the right to their children if they can provide a happy and healthy environment... What I DO disagree with is your tone and apparent tunnel vision.

You sound like you have no sympathy what so ever for the potential adoptive family... When they just lost a child. My mother was devastated when the same thing happened to her, according to my father. Now, she never harassed the family or was any problem to anyone, but there ARE extreme emotional reactions quite similar to a miscarriage when a potential adoptive family prepares for a new child over a long period of time (regardless of how few pictures they've seen) and suddenly find out that that child will not be a part of their family.

All I'm saying is have a little understanding.

--------------------edit--------------...
you can thumbs down me all you want. My opinion was asked for and I gave it. I never said what she was doing was right, only that maybe instead of being so completely one sided in your argument, you try stepping in her shoes.

Heaven forbid someone actually see both sides of the story for once. Ugh.

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: