Do you think someone should give up their baby just because they can't give him everything under the sun...?

tickled blue

No....how can an adoptive family give them everything under the sun?? What the child really wants is his mommy and daddy...and adoptive parents can't give him that. Everything else is just stuff. I absolutely love my adoptive son and will give him every ounce of love I have to give, but I will never be his mother...I didn't grow him inside of me, I didn't nurture him, I don't share his traits. I adore him, but the BEST scenario would be for him to have parents who were able to raise him. Adoption should only be considered when the BEST scenario cannot be fulfilled.
<<adoptive mommy through foster care

EDIT: He is saying that b/c he is selfish, not you. It is not selfish in any way to want to raise your child. There are many programs that can help you. Please seek out help. You can try WIC and DSS for all sorts of help. You can also try www.freecycle.com and request the things you need--for free. There are many other ideas, but that should be enough to get you started. With WIC, you can start that process now, and possibly receive medicaid, so that you can receive prenatal care for you and your baby.

Sofiakat

I do not have a lot of money. I am an adoptive parent of two beautiful children. Sometimes we scrounge, we have to save up for soccer and tball for the kids. I cannot give them everything under the sun, but I did adopt them. They are well fed, well cared for, well dressed (can't afford brand names) and they have a roof over their heads. And they have my love. Money isn't everything, but being raised by a mother who loves you is. I think if your baby could speak to you, she would choose you over money.

Kazi

Nope.

ETA: Sounds to me like he is trying to get out of paying child support. Stay strong.

the baby's father probably just doesnt want to pay child support, he is the selfish one not you, dont feel guilty.

momof3boys

I am a low income SAHM and I do what i have to in order to make sure my boys have all that they need and they do get some extras in life too but I wouldn't give them up just because i can't afford to spoil them.

onlyme212529

As long as the baby can be provided for such as diapers,clothes(does NOT have to be brand new!!!!),shelter(a home),food,a bed, etc...then I do not think a parent should have to give their child up.Just because they can not buy them every toy the kid will ever want does not mean they are not fit to be a parent. Parents back in the day didn't buy their children everything known to man and those kids turned out just fine so why are we,as parents in modern days,expected to buy $50 toys and $3000 cribs for baby...My daughters have TONS of hand me downs and yes that includes some toys also and they are just fine and happy with what they have. We do not make tons of money so we do what we can for them and on their birthday and Xmas(we save back all year for them) we get them some new stuff and here and there we sometimes can afford some new things for them but not always...and I do not think that classifies us as bad parents and we should have to give our children up.
And NO money is NOT everything. A child would be 20000xs happier with a loving parent,then a new toy every day!

Amanda

No. And what exacly is everything under the sun?
The most important thing you can give your child is love and happiness!

Independ"ant"

Nope. Money can't buy happiness nor love.

Don't let your boyfriend nor a person desperate for a baby tell you otherwise. All your baby truly wants is their mommies love.

aljea

That not true. I think he just wants you to get rid of the baby because he doesn't want the responsibility.
Most people cant provide their baby everything under the sun because babies are so expensive. Besides they don't need it. They need all the love under the sun yes, but only need the things they truely need.
I got pregnant at 19 and in college so I couldn't give my baby everything under the sun. When I was pregnant I had a good job that provided plenty of money and my baby did have good things although I couldn't afford the nicest things. Once the baby was born, I couldn't work regularly and go to school. And worse we had to leave the dad. Whatever money I have first goes to the bills (such as rent) and then to whatever my son needs, even if we have to get second hand. Whatever is left I spend on my food and if theres anything left, which usually there isn't I buy what I NEED, not want. I don't give my baby everything under the sun, but I do get him everything he needs in one way or another and I put him first; That is not selfish. Now selfish would be if you could give them everything they need but didn't. If you truely cant provide for your children, I mean basic neccessities like food and stuff and you cant get it from the community or the government, then yeah maybe your kid would be better off with people that can provide...at least temporary with family. I believe adoption should be for those people that dont want to be parents, not that cant afford to be. There are so many people and places that are willing to help and not being able to provide is almost always temporary.
When my parents got divorced and my father hid from child support like a little b!tche, my mother barely could provide for us. We got everything used and went to food banks and I wore my older brothers clothes often times (even though I am a girl). But that was temporary. Afte rworking 2 jobs for many years, she got promoted enough in 1 job that she could quit the other and still be able to provide for us. I would never have wanted to be put up for adoption EVER. I am glad my mom stuck it out. And really I would rather be wearing hand me downs and holy shoes than be adopted by someone that could give me brand new everything I ever wanted.

Freckle Face

NO.

Money can't buy love.

JoHn S.

My kids would rather play with boxes than the toys that come in them. No, money isn't even close to everything.

celtic.piskie

Look at your mother and then a TV. Which would you rather have?

As long as you have food, shelter, warmth, then you're good.

Money means nothing. Money can't buy a mother.

Thank you for keeping your child.

Lucy's Mommy

you are doing the right thing by keeping your baby, i had mine at 17 with a low paying job and still living with my parents, my ex was the same, your baby doesn't care about money and possesions, all he cares about is his mother's love!

Nanny A

You keep your baby! No one can give anyone everything under the sun. All your baby really needs is a loving mother.

Mom to Foster Children

no, this is not a reason not to raise your own child

LindaPam

I am an adult adoptee. My birthmother surrendered me for adoption because she was 15 when I was born, and her parents had divorced and each had another family, so I have aunts and uncles very little older than I. Neither of them would even consider helping her to keep me. I ended up with a very loving couple who desperately wanted a baby. I had a wonderful life with them. But that did not stop me from wanting to know my birthmother and all the whys and wherefores. That's not ingratitude, it's just normal. I found my birthmom when I was 47, after my parents had died. I had been looking for her before, but that's when I found her. We have a wonderful relationship. My parents are and will always be my parents, but my birthmom is a special friend who knows my genetic history, if that makes any sense to you. My birthmom gave me life, but my parents gave me A life.

My birthmom never finished high school and none of my half-sibs went to college. Neither did my parents. I have a master's degree. I turned out fine; my sibs have police records. I love them all dearly, and we have many similarities about us, but we are very different people.

I also have adopted. My son is my child, just as much as is my daughter who was born to me. We didn't get him until he was 2y8m, but he is ours. He knows his birthmother. He met her "for the first time" when he was ten, and has seen her periodically but not regularly. He has a half-sister with whom he has become close, but has no desire to be closer to his birthmom. He doesn't like her and doesn't trust her; he's tried, but just can't.

If you have a support system and are able to keep your baby, then do it. You may have to work harder in life to provide than some other family, but if you can do that, do it. But think long and hard and realistically -- and if you just can't keep your baby, then please bless somebody with the opportunity to be parents. There are agencies (like Edna Gladney in Texas) who believe in keeping records such that if in the future both the adult-child and birthmother wish to meet, they can help. Other agencies will arrange for open adoption, so that you can keep apprised of (maybe even part of) your baby's life.

Starshine747

dont let anyone bully you into giving your child away. That baby needs love and as long as you can meet the child's needs that's all that matters. How would you feel if your mother gave you away??

go to social services, get medicaid and food stamps. Get on wic. Shop at second hand stores like salvation army (nothing wrong with that!) apply for low income housing...go back to school and get a college degree, like a physical therapist, nurse, speech therapist. (there is childcare help available for that) and make dad pay child support.

Seek help until you are able to provide for yourself. Going back to school to secure you and your baby's future is the best thing you could do right now. Being a single parent is not easy but you can do it! good luck.

mom.of.2

You have to be more detailed when it comes to such a sensitive topic.

I am going to answer this question from my own opinion, as I have 2 children.

When it comes to wanting the best for our children, most parents can not change that feeling.

First of all necessities. Can the parent provide the child's necessities?

What are necessities?
-food & drink
-sanitary home, and conditions
-medical expensive`s

Without these things we can not survive, not only that, but under law these things are mandatory to be provided for the child. If the parent can not provide the above. The parent should seek out government, religious, and any other type of assistance they can get.

Education is very important, and under US law is mandatory, as well, but we will not die if we do not recieve education, that is why I did not add that to the necessities list.

As for name brand clothes, expensive toys, cable television, etc. If this is what you mean by "under the sun" then that is not a good excuse to give up a child.

There are organizations, and programs which can assist parants in need of it.

The states have been passing laws to protect our children, look out for them, and seek out the assitance.

Even counseling can be provided free of charge. Email me if you want more details.

NOW YOU HAVE A BETTER CASE! DOMESTIC VIOLENCE LAWS WILL HELP YOU AND YOUR BABY TO BE WELL OFF ON YOUR OWN.

Call a domestic violence hotline. Even if he isn`t hitting you, he still is mentally abusing you, and verbally abusing you. Get rid of the father, he is no good. He doesn`t love you or the baby!

LIL Ã˜Æ’Æ’Ã£Æ’Ã˜ R&P HOMIE

No way...money isn't everything....some of the happiest people are the people just getting buy cause they work for what they have and appreciate it it!

Pam K

Sounds like the baby's father doesn't want to be a part of the baby's life but it doesn't mean you can't. Adoption is a very loving gift if it is right for you and the child. It isn't the right decision for everyone. It is the hardest decision anyone would ever have to make. You can make that decision like I did 21 years ago and regret it for the rest of your life. The most important thing for you to ask yourself is "Am I being forced to do this?" If the answer is yes then by all means don't do it. I wish I didn't.

Being able to provide your child with love, attention and affection is the most important thing. The food and medical care and clothing and shelter are important necessities as well. There is always help for obtaining them.

Giving your child the gift of life is by all means not selfish.

Kayla G

I can't give my kids everything but I love them and I care for them. Even if I did have the money to buy them everything I still wouldn't. My grandparents raised me and they taught me that there is a difference between a need and a want. You don't want to make your kids spoiled and unapprecciative. I don't believe children should be raised getting everything. Can you provide food and shelter for the child? Insurance? Safety and Love? If you can provide these things then that is what the child needs. Do not allow someone to make you feel bad for doing the natural thing and feeling the natural thing. Nobody can love a child like a mother. Nobody! And nobody can fully understand the depth of a mothers love, unless it is another mother. That child is apart of you and its natural to love this child and want what is best for that child. It sounds to me that he is selfish because he doesn't want to take responsibility and give of himself to father this child. Meanwhile he makes you look bad for wanting to be there and do the responsible right thing. Question? What if you gave this baby up and 20 years down the road the child finds you (and it happens) and ask mom why did you give me up? what would you say? Now dont get me wrong if that is truly what you feel is right then do so. But don't allow him to make you feel guilty for he himself playing the role as the dead beat dad.

GEE-GEE

No way! As long as the mother can provide the basic needs of a good home, food, shelter, and lots of love, there is no need for anything else. Of course it is nice to be able to give your child anything they want if you had the means. But for now all your child needs is a home, love, and food. The rest will all fall into place.

snowwillow20

Don't let your boyfriend bully you.

xlinzx88x

Right! It is your responsibility as a mother to care for your baby. My husband didn't want me to keep our baby but I chose my child over him. Luckily, my hubby stuck around and now we're a happy family. From the second that baby was conceived, it depended on you for its very existence, to give that baby away because you don't have a fortune is ridiculous. Love is the most important thing. Its not your job to make your boyfriend happy, hes a grown man, he can take care of himself; but it is your job to take care of your baby. Either he'll come around to the idea of helping you raise your baby or he'll walk away, if he walks, you should be happy because that just shows that hes no good and you're better off anyway.

shygirl93

I agree.

sizesmith

There becomes a point that people say get on welfare, and food stamps, etc. But there is also a point that the mother loses herself in the process. Some are strong enough and have enough help through family to make it. Some end up losing their kids to the foster care system, because not only do they not have the help they need, but they also don't ever get ahead on social services programs. Welfare, etc, is meant to be temporary. The fact is, money can't buy happiness, but it can sure relieve some problems. I believe a child's best interest is served by placing them for adoption when the mother's emotional state is affected by the levels she's living at. Sometimes, the inability to have what she wants (and I'm talking of a home, and vehicle, not designer clothes), can make the parent so stressed, that they end up taking it out on the kids. In a case like this, I believe that open adoption, where all the parents in the child's life work together, could work.

Sophie

I think that mothers should only place a child with another family through adoption if that mother does not want to/or cannot raise the child.

Money is NOT everything, you are right.

Riley and Elins Mommy

You should give them up if you can't provide the basics like food, clothing shelter or if you are mentally unable to. They don't need to be spoiled but they should be taken care of and safe.

Joseph, II

Absolutely NOT! But at the SAME time, bringing a Child into a World of Abject Poverty, isn't being Responsible- either. Society shouldn't have to foot the "Bill" just because someone wants to have a Baby- at ANY Cost ! Children are an Economic Responsibility- of their Parents. And if a Couple CAN'T afford a Child's bills- they shouldn't have any- until they CAN.

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: