Do you think that fewer children would be in foster care if...?

Carnie C

absolutely. there is more a stigma associated with adoption than there is with young single parenthood. For those who want to parent their children, there are all kinds of resources available to them so i don't believe that too many of the children relinquished are done because parents don't ahve the resources to parent them; i do believe that children are kept when perhaps they shouldn't be because it's been drilled into a woman's head that she should NEVER give up her child even though she may feel she's too young, not ready to stop partying, extremely immature and putting other things ahead of parenting.

some people know that they're not ready to parent yet for whatever reason, they know. but their parents are so anxious for a grandchild that they may be pushed into it with promises of help with finances, babysitting, moral support, etc....then, everyone realizes just how hard it is - that they can't give as much as they promised; that mom really isn't ready to be a parent and the next thing you know . . .you've got another child lost to the foster care system.

Looney Tunes

hmm...

I think I say No. Because I do NOT think that most parents intend to abuse or neglect their children from the day they are born. I think that the cycle of abuse and neglect grows once the parents have to start dealing with the needs and wants of the child.

So the mother/father has not idea that she is going to be a abusive/neglectful mother/father from day one. Only as she/he begins to feel the stresses of having the child around 24 hours a day, does the cycle of abuse and neglect occur..and when it gets so bad, CPS is called in.

The average age that a child enters foster care because of neglect or abuse is 8 years old....not babies and not 2 years old.
The cycle starts and takes a while to get in full force and then CPS is notified.

What would prevent children from being in foster care?

PROVIDING THE RIGHT SERVICES for children and adults that lived in the cycle of abuse/neglect/poverty. This is the #1 prevention for repeating the cycle. Educating, mental health treatment, and skills training are what stops the cycle of foster care. ..and abuse/neglect.

Randy B

Ok, so let me get this straight. Many here shout to the hills that mothers are coerced and forced to put their children for adoption. That owing to that their children are effectively stolen from them to feed the adoption industry. Now you want it so that mothers were not talked OUT of placing their children for adoption?

I don't know about other areas of either the US or Canada but my foster care region is working on a 5 million dollar a year deficit AND they have 120 children in foster care who have to live in hotels due to there not being enough foster home placement spots available to house them all.

If we talk people INTO or OUT OF placing their children for adoption or foster care we are only making the problems worse. Either too many children being "stolen" or too many children being kept with families who are unprepared or ill equipped to care for them.

Somewhere along the line we have to address some of the root causes of all of this. What ever those root causes may be. We either need to provide more free birth control (as another questioner asked), teach abstinence, improve morals, provide better social assistance or provide less social assistance depending upon what side of that debate you are on.

I firmly believe that adoption and foster care are wonderful programs however they should be the end of the process, not a quick fix. When all else fails, foster care till the families can get their collective shyt together. If that is not workable depending upon the birth parents situations/issues/attitudes or all else has failed then adoption.

As for open adoptions, if that was the case for either of my children I know that we wouldn't have adopted. Not given the issues that these birth families were dealing with. It would not be healthy for my family, and more importantly for my daughter. (An open adoption is not a possibility for my oldest daughter regardless of whether or not we wanted it).

Sophie

Yes, coercion is bad both ways.

BLW_KAM

Yes, if a mother and father truly believe placing their children for adoption is the right thing to do, no one should be allowed to talk them them out of it. Likewise, no one should be allowed to talk people into placing their children if that isn't what they feel is best.

Open adoptions should be legally binding. For APs to break their promise is wrong and they should be held accountable. I can't answer the second part of your question. I keep thinking, what would the agency/lawyer say? "And if the APs break their promise you could hire an investigator to find them, a lawyer to sue them, experience a lengthy court process and then you'll have an openly hostile open adoption."

Maybe's words do not represent our open adoption. It is and always has involved calls, e-mails, family gatherings, visits to each other's homes and recently, the addition of a MySpace account.

maybe

"The original programs to pay for these kids were gone that the mothers had been told about."

There is the source of the problem - lack of support to make sure families are able to stay on their feet. Instead, we pull the rug out from under them. Foster care and adoption is not a solution; it's a last resort when the bottom drops out.

The solution is to keep families strong by making sure there are good day care, educational, and employment opportunities available.

ETA: I agree with Sunny. Most PAPs reject open adoption, they will not accept this. Also, open adoption is a farce. It's promoted as making sure the child knows the family, but in practice it is just an exchange of a photo here and there.

Jennifer L

Interesting question.

I don't know if anyone can answer that. I think there are some people who considered adoption, but for whatever reason (everything from soul searching to pressure from family/friends) decided to parent and then turn out to be great parents.

And there are some who turn out to be not-so great parents.

I don't know if there are any statistics to suggest that many parents who abuse/neglect their children considered and rejected (for whatever reason) the possibility of adoption.

But bottom line, you can't convince someone to be a good parent if they aren't committed to doing so. Emotional blackmail, pressure, coercion, cajoling, whatever you want to call it, can't make someone really understand that parenting means that you grow up and put away childish things. That insight has to come from within.

leila

No i don't. Most of the children that are in foster care aren't there because they were unwanted. They are there because mom won't protect them from her abusive boyfriend, mom is doing drugs (and abusive and neglectful), or dad is beating mom.

Independ"ant"

I think the focus should be on helping not coercing someone out of a child. Preventative measures should be exhausted.

Coercing someone to give you their child is not a solution to anything other than someones inability to have a child of their own, its unethical and selfish. There is no justification for it.

If OA where legally enforceable you would see even more people joining the wait list for IA. Ask the Aps that are against OA and don't honor the ones that they agreed to.

As far as the "more" children being placed if it were....again the focus should be on assisting women facing the dilemma and focusing on solutions to prevent it...like making fathers more financially responsible for their children. We all know the number 1 problem is finances.

As far as the contentment of children being put in this position of open adoptions ....only they can answer how it has affected or is affecting them not anyone else. It seems that many are pretty upset that they were not or are not given the choice.

sunny

And what about all the children who are placed who's mothers ARE coerced? See, I know at least "12 women" who wanted to keep their children, but lacked the resources to do so.

And I think if open adoption were legally enforceable there would be a lot FEWER potential adoptive parents interested in adopting.

magic pointe shoes

=o/ Why can't people be honest with parents in crisis pregnancies? That's what I don't get. How hard is it to show actual impacts of pregnancy and parenting choices to the people involved?

All it takes is a decent conversation about where the parents are in their lives, what's out there for them and what are the consequences of what comes next for them and their child. But no, that isn't what happens at all.

You see children in foster care that should have been relinquished in the first place talked out of it. I see how everyone failed that family to the point of forced relinquishment.

myst1998

Nope... children in foster care are usually ones from broken homes, domestic violence situations or parents who have neglected their kids. Infants for adoption usually come from middle class mothers who have yes, usually been convinced and COERCED to place (Oh randy b, I just KNOW you LOVE that word!)

If PAPs were really keen to give a child in need of a home they wouldn't be going after babies but children who actually need it. Yes, I know there are some babies that go through the foster program but usually they are part of a sibling group.

Basically, if PAP's were actually about caring for children who really NEED a home, there would be fewer children in Foster Care. But too many are after that 'blank slate' of newborn cuteness they can try to call their own. Those who take in any child regardless of race, colour, health, age etc deserve a medal. Especially if they are doing it for the love of a child.

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