Do you think that parents who adopt, should give (an unnamed) child a name that?

jessica300

My son's aps moved to this country, established residency, got my baby and gave him a name that very much reflects THEIR heritage/genealogy. Interesting that my American born child has such a "foreign" name, but guess they wanted to make sure he integrated into a family that didn't have a long genealogical history here. Interesting, don't cha think? Sincerely, it's all too weird for me.

He doesn't really identify with his aps culture, and yet, I think he is slightly enamored with the "foreign" aspect of it. He doesn't know the language of his adoptive grandparents or extended adoptive family, yet that is part of his life.

I think it must be confusing enough to figure out who you are and where you come from in any adoptive situation, but to add some of these complexities...well, it makes it more complex - for all involved.

At least my American born child was raised in his own culture. It makes me cringe to think of being a child born in one culture and raised in another. (It makes me cringe for the millions of mothers from "poor" countries who lose their children to the "rich" American/European nations.) International adoption is really a burden for the child. The poor choice of names is only one aspect of removing a child from his/her culture that is disrespectful.

Jennifer L

Unless there is a compelling reason to change the given name of a child, I don't think it should be done. If a child does not have a name at the time of adoption, I think that an ethnically appropriate name should be given.

Bear in mind, however, that some countries often use "Americanized" or Western names. Don't rush to judgement if you meet a girl adopted from Africa with the name "Victoria" or a boy with the name of "August". There are also plenty of people in Africa with the last name of "Jones" or "Johnson".

wynn

Or like naming an Ethiopian boy Brian, Paul, or Dean?

My son's name when he came home was pronounced like the feminine version of a common US name - Brianna, Paula, Deanna. Since his name already sounded western, just girly, we dropped the "A" sound from the end. People assume his name is something we gave him from our family and has nothing to do with his Ethiopian name.

It's difficult. We had thought of using his (real) father's name first and moving his first name to the middle. But in Ethiopia your father's name is your surname. We didn't know if when he grew up he and his sister would want to take back their surname and it would be awkward if he'd gotten used to using it as a first name too.

edited because I didn't read your question correctly:
I do think that it would be nice for an *unnamed* child to be given a name that somewhat reflects their ethnicity. That works best if the adoptive parents are actually knowledgeable and not using stereotypical names, and if they choose a name that works well with the surname the child will use. My last name is long and ethnic. Had I adopted a baby I would want to bear that in mind when choosing the first name.

Erica C

Well, I think they should just pick a name that they like and they think will suit the child well. There aren't too many names that are only associated with one ethnicity. I mean, other than Shaniqua for a black girl, I can't really think of a name that doesn't fit someone of all races.

I think parents should give their children simple names that aren't stupid, "unique," or misspelled. I don't think having a dumb name that no one can pronounce or spell makes a child more ethnically "accepted"--all it does is weigh them down.

I happen to know a Brazilian girl named Marcia...which is close to Marsha...and another named WILMA, of all things. I also know an Irma and an Edward--now, these names don't scream RIO!!! to me, but they were all born in Brazil of Brazillian parents and they are their given names...so go figure. Oh, and none of these Brazillians are lily white either--and one is Asian.

I think there's no such thing as a "Caucasian" name. There are American names, which come from a predominantly English and European heritage, but there is no RULE that you have to name an Asian child Sook or Chong or Chang or something on those lines, or hispanic kids Juan, Jesus, Jorge, or Maria, any more than you HAVE to name a black child something idiotic, invented and mispelled that ends in -iqua. The greatest sin? The misspelling of ANTOINE as ANTWAN. Poor children. Poor, poor children.

Maya Angelou. Daniel Inouye. George W. Carver. Charles Rangel. William Richardson. Black, Asian, black, black and hispanic.

And no one would DARE tell them they're "insufficiently ethnic" because they don't have "out there" ethnic names.

Sheesh.

Names DO make a difference. A child with an idiotic name, like Moon Unit Zappa, or Tonkwanisha or Flak Jacket, or someone named after a town or a city (Brooklyn? WTF is that? Why not call the kid Doctor Detroit?) is going to have a harder time in life. They'll get lower grades, they'll be regarded by authority figures as "more stupid" and they'll have fewer job opportunities than John and Mary and Edward and Anne. They won't be matriculated into Gifted/Talented programs when they deserve it. They'll be rejected by colleges that would take them if they had plainer names, and they will be denied scholarships that they would have otherwise gotten.

It may not be "fair," but it's fact.

The greatest gift a parent can give a child is a SIMPLE NAME. If they want to come up with a jazzy nickname on their own, fine, but the name on the resume does NOT need to be some alphabet-soup load of GARBAGE that humiliates the child by making him look like the progeny of stupid parents, and holds him or her back.

JMO.

spydermomma

I think this is a tricky question.

I do agree with you that it bothers me when adoptive parents name (and especially rename) their child with a name that for many people stands in stark contrast to their obvious race or ethnicity. Like if an African American boy were named Sven, or a towheaded girl Guadalupe.

In the community of families that have adopted from China, I mostly run into the opposite problem, though. I don't know how many little girls named Lily or Mimi or Jade or even Asia or Chyna, I have met or read about (fortunately mostly the latter). Or Korean adoptees renamed Kim. I think this is fetishizing, and it bugs me more than the reverse because it seems as if they are planning to parent some idealized caricature of a little "China Doll" and not an actual, flesh and blood child with real feelings and thoughts and issues.

Of course in the reverse case the a-parents would maybe be still trying to parent the biological child they did not have. So that is obviously a problem also.

In terms of acceptance, I think that can vary a bit by race. Most, but not all Latinos I know have Hispanic names. Most Asian Americans I know that were born here have sort of "generic" American names (though often a slightly different subset). Most well-educated Chinese immigrants use their Chinese name, but less educated ones are more likely to use a generic American name. And I think there are regional variations also. So it can depend.

I actually think most transracially and internationally adopted teens have some problems fitting in with same race peers and "fitting" in their own skin -- regardless of their name. The name might make it a little worse, especially in grade school, and it might add to the psychic confusion of not seeing yourself reflected in the faces of your family, but it is probably one of the lesser aspects of the problem.

The worst I've heard is naming the child Charity. That would be scarring, no matter the child's ethnicity.

Penny P

I think the ap's should keep the same name the child was given at birth by his or her birth mother. If the child was not given a name (yes, it happens) then the adoptive family should give the child a name that suits him or her. I don't know if name has anything to do with being accepted by one's race. Especially in today's culture, where there are so many different names! Also, I disagree with the person who said international adoption is a burden for the child. She wouldn't think that if she went to Africa and saw all the children sitting there with no families, no food, no medical care...or the Philippines where kids are sleeping on the street and living on garbage. Those kids love their culture, but you better believe they would love to be adopted by a family ANYWHERE rather than live in such horrible poverty.

Amanda

My friend is caucasian, and her daughter is half african-american. She named her Mackenzie Margret :). Her sister teases her all the time saying it's the "whitest" name she ever heard.

I think it happens all the time, adoption or not.

Rowan

Yes. if the child has no name, of course they should try and give him or her a name that will reflect their roots, but also wont cause them to get teased. something nice and all.

missa

i am adopted.. my real name is chontelle but my name now is marissa they both suit me in wayss... adoption mothers give names that they like and they give different names so they feel better and feel more like the childs real mother.....

Serenity71

I lived with Chinese students for two years (Before I was married) that often took on western names while they were studying or some who migrated here. I asked some of the girls why they did that. From what they said, they just found it easier that having their Chinese name mispronounced all the time. (So its possible some older adoptee's could do the same thing if they don't like their real name.)

(I'm amazed at how some of them came to Aust, with little or no english, studies things like Law and learned to write and speak English while they were here.)

Marsha- makes me think of the Brady bunch too much.

sunny

Or maybe they could KEEP the original name.

IRL I know an AP who named her Guatemalan son Aidan. His real name was Diego.

So now his name is Aidan Ford. Wouldn't Diego Ford sound cooler? And more accurate? And more generous?

His middle name is the adoptive father's first name. Arrrgggh.

monkeykitty83

If the child already has a name, I think it should be kept if possible. If not, I think the name given should be culturally acceptable even if not a specifically "ethnic" name, and should be pronounceable to people in the culture of origin as well as in the adopted culture.

That just seems like courtesy to me, and will help smooth the road a tiny bit for connections with the child's original culture.

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