Do you think the lower-class families care more about adoption/foster care?

HappyMomAnna

My husband and I are higher-income and very stable. We found that the "system" was constantly questioning us during the process and sort of acted like "why would we be there?"

I was bugged by that from the start to be honest!

When we were matched with our children the only "concern" the committee had was that "We had a stable life and might have difficulty adjusting to the needs of children leaving foster care"

It really has always bothered me. Since we have had the children for 6 years and our kids are special needs I still face the strangest walk of "odd" along the way...

Many of the services are provided via Medicaid and I am sorry, I don't understand the "language" all the time and don't much like the way I hear the people my taxes pay TALK DOWN to people who access "benefits" --very demeaning in my opinion and personally I find it very disrespectful how some of these people are speaking and treating those who need medicaid.

I have also found that with the high level of needs our daughter has that many of the "services" especially education and mental health treat our family like we must be trash. There is a lot of POINTING at the parents as the source of the child's issue--so services are increased and PEOPLE are sent to the HOME to better help...

I am not trying to say we are better then others because when I shop at Walmart I blend right in--but, the People sent to assist us in our home, usually can't talk for about 3-4 appointments because they are unable to View us as needing their help.

I also have a suspicion that the script doesn't include us...and I feel a little resentment that I KNOW these are the same people who are supposed to be helping those biological families who lose their children to foster care... I don't think they can even think of where to start when they walk in the door. This wasn't as clear to me until we were given "intensive" services for family preservation.

The problem I see is that WHEN (and I know this is not the norm) but, WHEN a child is very special needs as we are dealing with--the system Expects us to be living at the bottom otherwise why would we access them? Our problem is that because of the nature of some of the special needs issues we MUST remain good friends with the system...

The services for children with these kinds of issues is not really found in the mainstream it's very hard to find Private Doctors who deal with issues of the type we are. So these people don't have experience to help--or find our child's behavior odd and don't get it... Which means we keep gravitating back to the Social Services.

One example is that your regular doctor walks in to meet his new patient... She is 6 and she screams when he comes near to examine. I stand their and try to tell why without hurting her--and he only sees an Abused child! So, can't relate to the parent and can't understand what he sees.

I feel a catch 22 most of the time. It's very difficult dealing with the Mental Health services as when children have an issue like Reactive Attachment Disorder the experts are generally found in one of two places--either the social services or perhaps on the fringe and charging a lot of money for voodoo therapy for the rich or desperate.

We need more middle class services -- middle class mental health and middle class attitude in the Whole system. These people working with us cannot relate and we have found that we can't always Find anyone to Pay for middle class care and the issues so many foster-adopt children need.

Looney Tunes

I don't think they care more about foster care. I think the opportunity to get "paid" for foster children is appealing to people who need money. They may not give a crap about the children.

In some cases, you can make $500-$1000 a child. If you foster 4 children; you have a nice pot of money coming in.

And yes, EVERY foster home I was in had more than one foster kid in the home.

Think about all the questions here that ask about the MONEY for fostering children. It's not about "caring about children" it's about a paycheck in MANY cases.

Think about the questions here that mention that they have tried to get food-stamps and welfare but want to foster kids. $$$$$$

maybe

"How could you "get" a higher-class set of people to care more?"

They don't have a reason to care, they can afford to adopt the high-demand/high-priced newborns. They rarely consider adoption from foster care and even if they did, their friends and neighbors would frown on bringing in "those kinds of kids" into their fancy neighborhood.

Zanshin

There are those who care and those who don't care regardless of social status but there are a few factors that may contribute to this unbalance;
1. There is the money thing which is more of an incentive to those in the lower income brackets.
2. Working with social services can be challenging so unless you feel it's your destiny to be a foster parent/adoptive parent it's easy to get fed up quickly with the system.
3. Not everyone can handle the idea of caring for a child that may only be with you for a short while and possibly returned back to a bad situation.
4. In cases of adoption, most in the middle/upper brackets can afford the private route which again is easier than dealing with social services and they have the opportunity to get "the baby".
5. Many children who are in the system bring with them a whole handful of issues (which is not their fault) whether they were abused, neglected, developmentally challenged etc. and not everyone wants to willing step forward to care for someone who has so many needs.
6. Perhaps (this is speculation not science) those in the lower income brackets do not take for granted some of the things that middle/upper classes may be apt to forget about. Those who are closer to "need" may be able to identify and therefore have more compassion towards others in need.
With all the many challenges that go along with adoption/foster care it's not surprising to me that those who "don't need the money" are not doing it. Unfortunately, the majority of the population doesn't care or at least not enough to change their lives for someone else. And lets be honest, adoption/foster parenting requires more than just being a nice person, it's a huge responsibility that will change a persons life. Should a person be forced to change there life? No. But making the system a little easier to navigate may be one option to attracting individuals in the middle/upper income groups who are open to this.

MrsMac

I suppose I'm a lower class family. I am very interested in Foster care and adoption, and I might ask about the money because for me it's a real issue, if a foster child doesn't come with money, I won't be able to give him a decent meal, let alone a room decorated to his tastes, or horseback riding lessons. I'm poor! I'm not interested in foster care because it's a meal ticket! I love kids. I have a gift with kids who have bigger needs than my well adjusted, goofy, brainy, loving biological kids.

I'm sure there are people out there who abuse the system, after all the thing that first motivated me to want to be a foster parent was that a little tiny girl on my school bus had a huge bruise from a foster parent and I just thought, "That should never happen, " and I wanted to be a part of that.

You can't force people to care but you can give them in your face cases. You can educate them as to the need.

I know at least two people who I think would make amazing foster parents, but because of the system, they don't even try. My husband is terrified that if we have a homestudy they'll label him as an unfit father and take our children away. [My husband is no where near an unfit father or husband. He's loving, caring, devoted and oh so kind person.]

Something needs to be done but what I'm not sure I'll ever know.

Opedial

If they are only doing it as an act of charity then the kids are better off. People need to understand adopting, not just want to take a kid because God wants them to do charity.

durdenslabs

I don't think lower/middle class care more. I think upper class families think they are better *in some cases* because they have the money. The lower/middle class families are about getting a child into a good forever home with them regardless of money. Not saying money isn't needed, but extra money does not buy love and happiness.

I think some upper class families, that are clearly about money, need to care more.

You can't "make" people care more. They either care or they don't.

If they obviously don't care they shouldn't be allowed to adopt.

red elephants

I don't have any experience really with foster care so I cannot comment on that part of the question. Looney tunes' reasoning makes a bit of sense though and that is unfortunate.

As for adoption all of the families I know who have adopted have been middle or upper class. Some have adopted from foster care and others did international adoption (not all newborns). I don't know anyone that I can think of that has done domestic infant adoption.

You cannot force anyone to care about something. Advertising in higher income neighborhoods may bring more attention to the subject but its not something you can mandate people care about regardless of their income level.

I'm in the middle/upper class and do plan on adopting from foster care. I completely disagree with Maybe's take on the upper class not caring and being looked down upon for adopting from foster care. Talk about painting everyone with the same brush. Ugh. My grandparents are very upperclass and I've talked about adopting from foster care with many of their friends who are in the same income bracket and not one of them has said anything negative about foster care or the children in it. They have all been very supportive of the idea.

mom to be

How do you "force" someone to care? why are you separating people into classes? I personally think brown eyed people care more!

******************

I don't think that's true, but maybe it's because middle class and upper class citizens are busy working and don't have time to adopt or be a foster parent, whereas lower class families are living off the state and don't have jobs so they have all the time in the world to care for children.

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