Does a child have the right to know that they were almost adopted?

mommy2squee

YES. They absolutely have a right to know all of their story, not just the pieces that the adults think is good for them.

That information should of course be shared in a gentle way.

something along the lines of

I just couldn't bear to let you go...
I did what everyone told me would be best for you.....
Would you like to know more about the family I chose for you?

Julie R

The child MUST know this, as any child should be made aware they were separated at birth - preemie, kidnapped, adoptee, or almost-adoptee.

Being separated at birth is a trauma to the child and, if unresolved (that is, not acknowledged, validated, AND worked through), WILL create neuroses and other mental disorders stemming from PTSD - from mild to severe.

So, what is damaging is to have the information KEPT from the child.

Heather B

I think everyone has the right to the truth of their own lives

Summar

yes they have the right to know.......i know i would be hating my parents if they didn't tell me

concerned

I am shocked that people are acknowledging it would be hurtful for a child to know that their mom ALMOST gave them up for adoption, yet some of these same people don't understand that it's also to hurtful to ACTUALLY be given up for adoption. How does this make any sense?

Anyway, as to the actual question... Yes, the child should be told, absolutely. People should know the stories of their lives--the WHOLE story. And as Julie said, there could be repercussions of the separation that might manifest later, that the child/person should be aware of.

Lies--even lies by omission--are never a good idea in a parent-child relationship. Never.

Possum

If a child were told - they would have to feel MORE loved - they were kept.
That's a wonderful thing.
They were kept.

It's the child's history.
The more that truth is upheld in parent/child relationships - the stronger the relationship will be.

Starlight

I think that being truthful and honest may help avoid distrust or anger down the road. Understanding why and using the experience as an opportunity to learn & grow can turn something that may have been negative to something very positive. Usually parents do not put their children up for adoption because they don't love them, but because they do love them and think someone else can provide a better life for them. Maybe something similar happened here?

XANAâ™¥

i think if anything, it would show that the mom cared more about the child that she decided against adoption. idk, thats my guess.

jade_frost82

Of course the child should know!!!
Lies are terrible, even lies of omission. Imagine if that child grows up and finds out by some other means that they were given up for a period of time. The trust in that childs parents would just go down the drain.
Adoption, separation, anything, even for a short time can be very damaging as Julie has discussed. So it is important for the child to know.
Talking about difficult things can also be a great way to bond, instead of harming the parent/child relationship, I believe it would make it stronger. It would be a way for the parents to show their child that they loved them too much to give them away, and also show them that the child is trusted by discussing it with them.

Kim

In the OP's scenario, where the child was actually in the custody of another family for a number of months, I think the child deserves to know. It is his/her history.

However, if an expectant mother "makes an adoption plan," but decides to parent before the child is ever with another family, then I think that would be the mother's decision whether or not to share that info since the decision didn't directly affect the child and his/her life. (I think that would be similar to Peace Yo's situation).

cowboy_fan

If my son was given back to his natural mother, there would come a day that I would look for him to see if he turned out ok. Probably after he turned 18. My son is only 6 months old but the bond we have developed over these months would never die. I would always want to know how he is doing.

Peace Yo

I considered relinquishment of my oldest child. At one point I was bent on it. I contacted agencies, settled on one, they began lining up families blah blah blah. In the end I didn't follow through and I never went as far as to place her with a family for even a short time. However, I would never never never never never share that with my daughter! I'm her mother, I dedicated my life to her in the end and I would fear she would feel that I am not as committed to her, or otherwise damage her, to know that. She will never know.

Tsunami

i am an adoptee and yes it would be very upsetting to me if i was away from mom and then suddenly brught back. i think it should be right that you should tell them everything and why. its just so there are no skeltons in the closet you never know what a person would do if they found out and we're holding this against you to tell your child. i would want to know.

anna8indah

yes

Doodlestuff

There is no point in telling the child unless the child will hear it from some ignoramus relative.

chi_twn_chck

I know someone that was abandoned by their mom. She knew from a young age. It was never a secret. It is still very damaging to her. I think it would be very damaging to just find out one day. If the child doesn't remember anything about it there would be absolutely no reason to bring up something that would definitely hurt them.

gheeeezzzz!

"right to know" is strong
some kids don't know their father is not their father
so i'd have to say no

BUT
it would be great that a parent confesses their conflict at an appropriate age with the child
just to let the child know that nobody is perfect and we do the best we can

ladybabe

you know wat? I wouldnt recommend telling this child at all. It could cause alot of problems later on for that person and the biological mother. And that of the parents who were about to take on this child. Sometimes the fairy is true wat she/he dont know wont hurt.

ellajoem

no some things are better left unsaid

Morgaine

It is not something he will remember, and I think it would be too damaging to him to know.

Dana M

No.

Angel

I think it would be VERY damaging, and I don't think it is necessary for that person to know.

bugwales

most certainly not,not unless you want to ruin the relationship between child and parent,you will crush that child if you tell him

southern_ boy

NO!

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