Does adoptees being told they their parents "loved them so much that they gave them away"?

Heather B

Wow, what an insightful question

Yes, to a child that statement lets them know that people that love them are likely to leave them

This statement should NEVER be said to an adopted child

tish

let me ask you this:

if a young lady grows up in a home having witnessed her mother abused by her father, who claims to "love her". what is this young lady most likely to equate as "love?"

yes, i think your theory is plausible.

great question...

Gershom

Great question, i've spent enough time in therapy to know that I associate love with pain from that exact statement being said to me my entire life.

Isabel A

Yes. I think it does send that message. I have a difficult time equating love with abandonment. I just don't see it.

By the way, there actually IS a precedence for a continuing cycle of mothers who relinquish. It happens a lot.

confidentgal

I hope I understand your question, because it's written in a very confusing way! When an adoptee is told by a biological parent that they gave them away because they loved them so much, they wanted better for the child then they could have given them, that means the bio parent knew s/he was not capable of providing everything the child needed. It took tremendous love and selfLESSness to give that child away. It doesn't automatically mean that, if the adoptee has a child, he or she will give that child away -- only if he or she was also in a position in which they could not care for their child or give them everything they would need.

Laurel J

When I was a kid and well-meaning people said this to me, the message I got was even more sinister: I know my a'parents love me, so maybe if I am not very very good, they will give me away too. This kind of thing made me feel pretty darned insecure as a kid!

It's easy for grown-ups to forget that very young children believe everything they're told, sometimes in a very literal sense.

lollipop3007

No I don't think that adoptive parents telling children such a thing encourages the view that loving parents give their children away. If parents who love their children, but cannot physically look after them or give them a good quality of life, they will give them away in order that they may end up with a better life than they could ever provide them with. But if a parent is fully capable of looking after a child and giving them a good quality of life, love isn't a good reason to give them away... it just doesn't make sense! Love can only be used as a reason to give children away if there is a chance they will have a better life with adopted parents.

tonalc1

No; the other part of that statement is "I wasn't able to care for you," or "I couldn't provide you with the kind of life/care that you deserved."

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