Does anyone understand?

okay. i am going to try to shorten this long story up as much as i can.

i am a 15 year old girl. 16 in 2 months.
I lost my family (parents and baby brother) in a severe car accident about 5 months ago. I got out with a concussion and some minor injuries..but eventually recovered. My life turned upside down..i used to be a top student, participated in sports, went out with my friends all the time, loved to laugh and smile!..but nothing has been the same. I had no other relatives, so i went from house to house staying with friends..or pretty much anyone who would let me. It wasn't always the best environment..but it was all i had. Now, after 5 months i am under foster care. So far its going good..its hard to adjust because i don't want to feel like i am replacing my real family. there are several other kids living in this household so it can be fun at times. I just started a new school, which is never easy..but i have started to fit in quite well.
I have become the type of person who needs someone to talk to..I'm at a very insecure stage, and with all that has happened it has helped me so much to confide in someone. Problem is is that every time i try..i get a real close bond with this person and i look up to them for helping and caring about me..and then they leave me after a while. And I'm right back where i started. I guess because of the loss of my family..i have a hard time handling that. Does anyone understand that? Can anyone help me?

Zuko

Wow.. I'm so sorry for your loss. But it really sounds like everything you're going through is a natural response to an abnormal situation.

Have you seen a counselor or therapist? A loss of that magnitude is something that the human mind has a lot of trouble coping with... Especially at such a young and crazy age.

Seeing a therapist does NOT mean your nuts. It does not make you less of a person. It does NOT mean you have any mental illness... all it means is that you need to talk to an objective third party who has been trained to help you get through a tough time... And this is REALLY a tough time!

Please... see a grief counselor. They're far more equipped and knowledgeable than anyone you'll find here on Y!A...

almost human

during a period of bereavement and grief, i asked my therapist how one moves on, because it totally disabled me, so i couldn't function day to day.

she told me that it is impossible to grieve alone. that we need to have our grief acknowledged and validated by someone.

that seemed reasonable, but the problem was i was all alone and isolated.

on top of getting affirmation from a good therapist (and i understand that many of us do not have access to therapists) you can also try support boards. i have joined several on my abuse issues and found that there are two types: those that savor their pain, and those that focus more on mutual support and healing, so that is something to look out for. it also takes a little time reading these to find the people you can most relate to. they can become your virtual families!

i'm still isolated, but have found talking with other people going through the same things i am going through to be extremely comforting. while they are not experts on healing, their implicit understanding makes me feel less alone.

in the end, because of my current isolated state, their presence has become my lifeline. they acknowledge my grief and i am able to move on.

so if you can find a therapist to talk to and help guide you, that is awesome. in addition to that, or in the absence of that, a support group - in real life or on-line, can offer you some relief.

Sophie

I've never been in your situation so I can only imagine what you're going through. You sound very smart about your needs, though. I'm so sorry you lost your family.

Can you talk to your social worker or maybe ask your foster parents for a counselor to talk to? I think that would help.

Take care.

By the way, I second the nomination that seeking out a counselor does NOT mean you have a mental disorder... it means there is someone out there who is TRAINED to help people out with grief. An adult has to be trained in this area, so as a teenager, it may be impossible for you to figure things out yourself. If you feel you need to talk to someone, you should follow your gut feeling and find a counselor.

Blacksunshine

wow,let me tell you,your not alone.i was in foster care ever since i was 11 and now i'm 16.i lost my best friend 3 years ago and believe me,that was by far the hardest experience that i've been through.time will ease your pain,and soon everything will come together and you'll once again be happy.be patient,things take time,i'm sure you'll get through this.and one day you'll look back and be like 'wow,i made it'and that's something to be proud of.

LovelyONE

i am so sorry for your loss. I can see it's hard for you but I don't think I can say I understand what your going through because it is something I have not experenced. I don't know what to say to you or help you with.

mar.chris95

i wish i could help, but i can't... srry...

lizaclutton

its like everyone u love dies but everyone has to die when its time its time its tragic what happened to you but im sure your family would want u to be happy not unhappy and u can start getting close to people but just remember people die all the time sorry

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