Does it sound like adoption really is for me?

Gaia Raain

You want to give her away because you don't want to be a mother, but you don't want her to feel unwanted. Probably not possible. Kids aren't stupid. She'll eventually "get" that she was unwanted. I have no idea what adoption laws are like in Australia, so I can't tell you whether you can have an open adoption there. If you don't want your daughter to feel unwanted, I'd say refocus your energy toward her. Love is not an emotion. It's an ACTION. It doesn't matter if you FEEL it...can you do what needs to be done for her? She needs YOU, not a substitute. You are the mother she was programmed to expect, want, and need. No one else can fill that need in her. No one.

Just a Mom

Be prepared to get lots of offers from whackos on here. Please don't give your baby to anyone you randomly met off of the internet.

Lori A

Sorry in advance.

Motherhood is not for everyone. I do not want to see a child removed from their mothers care but if the mother does not want the responsibility then maybe other arrangements are a better option.

Look within your own circle first. By that I mean family, friends, friends of family. I have seen an adoption like this work out. Family friends took the baby, who was around for the mother to see on occasions, not everyday. As the girl grew she was told of her situation. When her adopted mother passed away the girl and the first mother had a long talk and continued with their relationship.

Personally I think if adoption needs to take place this is the most ideal situation for one. The child is not separated from their family permanently.

magic pointe shoes

Get your hands on the book "Mothershock" as soon as possible.

http://tertia.typepad.com/so_close/2005/02/mother_shock.html

After you read that book, then revisit this idea if necessary. Not everyone transitions to motherhood smoothly at all. It's quite likely you have a serious case of Mother Shock going on.

Serenity71

I'm adopted locally Aust and I have been doing research about processes in other states...

I'm just going to give you an idea of the process in Local Australian adoptions, just so you have more of an idea what to expect....(Mainly because so many people don't know whats involved in local Aust.)

You will have to contact your state community services.

The problem that I know with QLD is that they still have sealed records, I know a protest went in recently to try and change that, and I hope the group had an impact in legislation regarding closed records and adoptions.

In NSW it is open adoption for sure and you can request meetings and other forms of contact.

Our local system works a little different from the way it works in other countries.

In most states will require you to have counseling to make sure its your own choice with outside influences forcing you to give you your child. Be prepared to place your daughter into foster care for a period of time during the process. This could also be the decider for you in terms of going through the full adoption process. An insight into seeing if you can actually live with the occasional visit and letters. (hopefully QLD has had a change of policy since I last looked it up.)

You have 30 days after you sign the papers to change your mind, then if you don't back out your rights are terminated and the family/couple (We call them poolies. Because its called the 'local adoption pool', once a couple are approved by social services,) you chose through a profile are notified. Being an adoptive parent I'm in the other end of it, but I did ask a great deal about how they assess a Nmother before we get that call that call.

I have given you a few websites to help you in your research.

(Don't be enticed by people wanting "private adoptions." They aren't legal not since 1960 and you could end up losing a lot more than you bargained for. )

All the best for your future and your daughters.

Siver C

Only you can decide that. But I admire your honesty and courage I really do.
Decide soon. The sooner the better for your child.

Angela R

It's not too lae to place her for adoption at this point, there are many families who would like to adopt an older infant or toddler. However, I'm not sure about the laws concerning "open adoption" in Australlia. I know in the US you can make an agreement with the adoptive parents to maintain contact, but in many states the agreement is not legally enforcable and is soley at the discression of the adoptive parents. Hopefully someone else can tell you about the laws where you live concerning that.

LasVegasMomma

I think you might be an excellent match for Open Adoption. You are very strong and deeply caring and obviously love your daughter very much. Adoption is the brave thing to do and wanting what is best for your daughter and thinking of her needs over your shows what solid character you have.

In an Open Adoption you can select the family who adopts your daughter. Discuss before hand with the prospective adoptive family what you expect from open adoption and make sure you find a family who wants the same amount of contact that you do. This will allow you to keep in touch with your daughter and watch her grow up (and your mother and family as well if it's what you decide on). I have friends who have done both types of adoption and the open adoption takes more work up front and requires honest open communication but appears to be the best option for ALL parties in the long run.

Find an adoption agency in your area who can counsel you about the open adoption laws in your state. Good Luck & best wishes.

Mary G

Tiffany R., I reported you for violating the terms of use on Y!A. Trolling for babies is not moral, ethical or in any way appropriate. Please stop

I do not have an answer for you, I am sorry you feel this way. Isn't there anyone in your family who take guardianship of the child? That way she will still be in the family and have the genetic mirroring she needs, and the added bonus of never being stripped of her heritage and family. That is the option I would look into before adoption is even considered. Losing your child is a hard, hard thing and open adoptions are often a lie. I hope things turn out for you and your daughter.

Lillie

You haven't said anything about her father...have you asked him if he wants to raise her?

Fathers have rights too.

LadyCatherine

what ever you plan on doing ... do if fast... cause soon this little girl will know who her mommy is and when she is moved to a different parent that will get very confusing to her.. and if you are worried about her growing up unwanted. you bet she will feel that way if she is older and know at the time she is being adopted..

good luck and you will make the best choice for yourself and her..

help pliz

ok, have her grandparents take care of it. or a brother or sister.

Erin

My advice is to get some counseling. It will help you to sort through your dilemma and make the choice that is best for you and your daughter. And remember, if you do decide adoption is the best route for you, there is always open adoption which still allows you to have a degree of contact with your child, as you and the adoptive parents agree to.

I have all the sympathy in the world for you as I too gave my son up for adoption. It was the toughest decision I ever had to make.

Best of luck to you!

cmc

I don't know about Austrailia, but in the US you could certainly put her up for adoption, and continue to see her. I think adoption is a good idea because she deserves a mother (and maybe even father) who want to be parents. I think it is better to be honest and do what is best for her, than to force yourself to be a parent and not give her as much as you could. If you do decide on adoption you'll need the father's consent (at least in the US).

Shelly P. Tofu, E.M.T.

I feel for you.

I DO wonder how you can look at that little face and still think abortion would have been the right decision. But I think you just don't want to be "Bothered" with a child. Kinda selfish (just being honest here) but it happens.

You have two choices. I suggest you make the choice quickly.

1. You can realize that love is a choice, not a feeling, and decide to live for someone else besides yourself. Really, you'll find such a life very full and MUCH more happy than living just for yourself.

2. You can look into adoption. This MAY be the right option for you. If so, I'd highly recommend possibly trying to do the adoption through a diff state, one that has open records. That way, your child won't be stripped of her information.

matthall31

It sounds as if you have thought through all of this very carefully. I strongly feel that your situation is the IDEAL adoption situation. You have experienced and weighed all the options carefully and fully before deciding. You are doing it because you aren't interested in the job of parenting.

Yes you can place a child for adoption at any age. I personally adopted my daughter when she was 3. She was not in state care or an orphanage. Her mom decided she could not be her parent any longer, and found our profile online.

We have an open adoption. My dd's birthmom chooses not to contact or respond to us very much. We send emails and pictures and videos, and if she was interested we'd love to do visits as well.

KP19633

Well I give you props for not having an abortion... and when you say that you love your baby, then say you wish you went through with the abortion... you kind of controdict yourself... Anyway, putting the baby up for adoption does sound like the right choice. There is such a think like open adoption. Where you can see pictures, and can get letters and sometimes see the baby. You should think about your babies life, and if she will be better off with you, or better off with someone who will fully love her, and be glad to be a mother.

Tia D

Oh my gosh, your poor baby girl. Please give this little girl to a family who desperately want her immedietly. Take her straight down to your child welfare office and hand her over explaining you would like to put your daughter up for adoption. I would think that they will put her into foster care to start with and give you a cooling off period to decide for sure but it sounds like u truly do want what is best for your daughter and i commend you for that but do it now before she becomes any more attached to you. Mabey even a family member could take her so that you could see her? But if not take her to child welfare and talk to them, they will try and help ou the best they can.

EDIT: I can't tell you for sure but i don't think we have what they call Open Adoption here in australia. If you could find a family who would be willing to take your daughter as a foster child for say 3 months with view of possibly adopting her i think that would be a good thing for you to do as you could still see her every now and then while she is being fostered and it would give you some much needed sleep and rest to let your brain really process what you are thinking of doing. It will change your life forever. You will always have those memories of the love you have for your baby girl. Please consider foster care as a cooling of period to ensure that you won't regret it.

EDIT 2: If you would like to email me just for someone to vent too please feel free. I will add you

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