Doesn't the bond count for more in this case ?

Emily D

As an adoptee I would prefer pretty much the opposite of what cantstop wrote. I would think it would be less traumatizing for the child to stay with the parents he had been with, but be encouraged to spend time with the natural parents as well.

Besides, what no one has mentioned is how the other child felt. "You weren't ours so even though you've been in our home and we've treated you like our own, we don't want you anymore because we found out that you don't share our DNA." THAT is a slap in the face. Do they think that he's not going to find out about what a stink they raised? Eventually he's going to ask the parents. "Why didn't they want me? Why did they give me away?" Technically he's be adopted out twice. First he suffered being taken away (albeit unknowingly) from his natural mother and now he's being pushed away by the family who raised him. I'm sorry, but there's nothing remotely "right" about that.

IDK!!

IF they loved their kids, they would have done what they had to, to make thing right for THEM. A long transition between families would have been best. If it were me I would want to take it 1 step at a time not just swap like that, they aren't luggage.

This is why babies should stay in the room with their moms if possible.

Dawn R

i have to kindly disagree with you. i would want MY son back. i would not do it in a matter of a day. but i would want my son to be with me. i know i would keep in touch with the child i raised and so on,,,,, but knowing my son is out there and being raised by someone i dont know would bother me. have a great day

Heather B

No.

Many people here keep on telling us folk who were separated from our natural families that 'you were so young you don't remember anyway'

So which is it people? there's a bond or you don't remember at that age anyway.

I would think these families would come together as a kind of extended family in any case, just a bigger family with more people to love the children.

Crucio

Thatâ€™s pretty messed up I would think that the best thing to have done is just kept the boys where they were but had contact with each other. At the most they should have done a longer transition period and agreed for them to stay in contact since that would be better for the boys. I read a story of a baby switch that came out when the kids were 4 or 5 years old. I am pretty sure the children stayed with the parents that had been raising them but the families often got together and saw each other became extended family. That would be the path I would prefer to take if this happened to me.

I also think itâ€™s a little weird one of the boys went from being Adlan to Nikita and that the child his biological mother had for 2 years due to mix up was also called Nikita.

Randy B

Nobody said the situation would be easy and simply switching them back is not the only step that must be taken as I'm sure they knew. But at the same time, perhaps the one mother realized that she is not the only one involved in this matter and that as much as she would like to have her baby back, the other mother would most likely like to have her baby back AND the children, when they are old enough, would most likely want to be where they were supposed to be.

The bond you speak of is strong and did count for more in this case. That is why the children were back where they belong, because of that bond.

cantstopLinnyG

Tough call.

I think if I were the child in this situation, I would want a slow transition to go back with my natural parents, and have ample visitation with the parents who raised me for 2 years over a course of a lifetime. Im sure my opinion is a bit biased, though, since I am an adoptee and know the importance of being with "my own kind".

The simple truth is this, though: the one in your home is NOT your child.

eta for rainwriterm: you are obviously not adopted.

You wrote, "..... but they are going to carry that memory with them for a long time anyhow." Adoptees may not remember their births, but WE carry the memory of losing our first Mothers in our subconscious brains for all eternity.

"I'd argue that any parents who are willing to give up their toddler in favor of a complete stranger for the sake of genetics doesn't understand families, bonding, and the whole point of having children"

Really??? Spoken like an adoptive parent who has NO clue as to the importance of genetics and/or the biological bonding that was in place with your child and his or her first Mother. Remember- there was no "slow transition" from our biological mothers to our adoptive mothers, and it affects us our entire lives.

"He is our son and a product of us, not genetically, but from being in our home and family and being raised the way we choose to raise him. I would feel so awful trading him in for a different child."

He is a trade. You didn't/couldn't have your own, so you adopted. I do NOT mean that as an insult to you. As an adoptee, I do not consider that an insult, it is the truth.

He may be a "product" of you, as far as the way you may be raising him, but do not ever forget, he is also "the product" of another family, and his DNA will win out every time. I adore my a parents, but at the end of the day...even after 42 years, I am more like my n family than my a family. Its simple genetics.

I suggest you read up on adopted children for the sake of your child.

Books:
20 Things Adopted Children Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew by Sherry Elderidge
The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier
Lost and Found: the Adoption Experience AND
Journey of the Adopted Self: A Quest for Wholeness both by Betty Jean Lifton
The Adopted break Silence by Jean Paton
The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler
Adoption: Uncharted Waters,by David Kirschner

23 year old texas female married

When I went to get my daughter Sabrina from the nursery they tried to give me a 8 pound baby boy, and I had to tell them I am sorry I had a 7 pound baby girl. Let's check the last name. Apparently I have lots and lots of twins. I am confused for other people plenty of times. A trucker from New York thought I was his fiancee, A man at New Orleans hamburger thought I was his best friends daughter, that nurse thought I was that boy's mom, and The labor and delivery nurse At the hospital I went to when in labor with my third thought I was a different pregnant woman that had been at the hospital the night before.

Yeah, my kids are tagged before they leave the room from me. I have my husband follow them too. Just to make sure I don't get the wrong baby. But if some reasons my kids weren't mine I'd still want to keep them. But all three of them look identical. They all look like the baby in my avatar picture. So I am not worried.

SJM

I would absolutely insist upon my child being returned to me. I'd like to think I would recognize my baby enough that it could not have happened in the first place, but if it did, I would want my child back. It's my child. It's my responsibility, and I could not sleep at night knowing my child was in the care of strangers. Nurture, my foot. A child belongs with its family.

Sarah

I can imagine that it would be very distressing for the mother to find that the baby she has nursed and raised was not her real son but some other woman's. And that her real son was with another woman. I mean yes bond is important, but I think when you face a situation like this, the last thing you can be is completely rational and totally void of emotion.

rainwriterm

I don't understand the "slow transition between families" part. I mean, I understand what it would entail and the benefit it can have, but I don't really agree. Even a slow transition would he horrible for those kids. 2 year olds are still very little, but they are aware of so much. They might not grow up to remember what happened (I don't remember anything from being 2), but they are going to carry that memory with them for a long time anyhow.

I agree with you. I would have no problem working with the other family and helping the kids get to know each other and the other family (their biological parents), but the biology isn't what's important. I wouldn't trade my almost two year old (he turns 2 tomorrow!) for any other child. He is our son and a product of us, not genetically, but from being in our home and family and being raised the way we choose to raise him. I would feel so awful trading him in for a different child. That's not the way families work, and I'd argue that any parents who are willing to give up their toddler in favor of a complete stranger for the sake of genetics doesn't understand families, bonding, and the whole point of having children.

Independ"ant"

Yes it does..........after one glance of seeing her son, two yrs after his birth "maternal instinct kicked in and she knew it was her baby". I find that an incredible and beautiful story of maternal bond.

Obviously she was feeling something wasn't right and went with her instinct. Good for her.

The children are still young and are with their natural mothers.......they will be fine. The adults will have to get over the trauma of what the nurse did and the missed years of their childrens lives as well as deal with the "attachment" they had for one anothers children.

Rowan

Yes the bond would count for somethingg, but the fact is, that is NOT my child.

I agree with cantstop, while its a tough situation, i'd want my child back. A slow transition would be best.

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