Ever become Angry with The Search?

Heather B

Of course!. Nobody should have to beg for information about their own lives - it's just so frustrating (not to mention discriminatory)

Take a break; but don't be defeated. So many of us have beaten the system of secrets and lies. You can too.

Freckle Face

Dear NH adoptee,

Have you tried www.adultadoptees.org yet? They are a safe place for you to fall and many have been where you are at currently.

I suggest you check them out. Best wishes to you:)

Rainia W

I get truly truly annoyed with the laws preventing me from finding my bio-parents. I mean they don't even make sense!!! The main reason they say they won't open the birth records is to protect birth mothers, but in my papers it says my birth mother would be willing to meet me if it was important to me.

ARGH! So yes I get angry lol.

beleasha

Finding out the truth is going to be hard, i searched & searched but never got the answers i wanted, to many stories & lies from to many different people.

Anha S

Yes. I reached the powerless and defeated stage after about a year of searching, applying for orders, battling with the agency to get my non identifying, hours and hours in front of computers, online adoptee registries, microfilm...after I started feeling so powerless, I enlisted help from a local volunteer search agency, and they tracked down my first mother in a matter of weeks. Just remember to take a breath and regroup sometimes. This is a very intense period in your life, gotta remember to come up for air! Do you have a support group that could help you take the reins for a bit? Sometimes a fresh perspective will lead us in a direction we hadn't previously considered. Best of luck to you!

cruzgirlz3

Yes, I understand what you are saying. I find myself disappointed and just stop for a bit, then I feel driven to give it another go. Taking a break does help, otherwise I find that I get really agitated about everything. If I'm angry, it is only at myself for not doing it sooner and letting so much time pass.

55chev

Hi there, yes i know how you feel as i have been there, i have meet my natural father 17 years ago and we have a great relationship but i have come to believe that if you are ment to meet , you will !! if it happens great but if it doesn't just try to move on as i can't tell you how much it hurts to find a natural parent (my Natural mother) and to be told that she does not want to know me...i can only hope that you don't go through that ...Regards Jennifer

angie

I really don't get the laws in our country sometimes. I don't understand, why they make it so hard for a child to locate their bith parents. To me its wrong and well, stupid. everyone has the right to know where they came from. In your search, if you get stressed step back, give it a couple days and then start again. I wish it were much easier and that millions of kids a year, or adults for that.. Didn't have to struggle to get any kind of information. I wish you the best of luck in your journey and hope you find the answers you need.

BOTZ

Oh my goodness! Yes, I got angry with the search. Yes, I felt frustrated and defeated -- and powerless. How could one not feel powerless when belittled, scolded, scoffed at and condescended to by people at the VERY agency that took one from their own home and mother and placed them with people who (it turned out) were abusive, selfish and STUPID -- among other things?

I still have rage that bubbles up in me when I think about a particular meeting with a particular man at THAT particular agency -- and it has been many, many years.

And I still have a lot of bitterness over the fact that EVEN THOUGH my Mom and I have reunited, love each other to bits and pieces, and OBVIOUSLY want full disclosure in both directions THAT agency STILL refuses to give anything to either one of us, claiming PRIVACY issues! Sheesh!

I did take many, many breaks. That's only because, unfortunately, my search took 18 years. From everything I've read and looked into -- that long is pretty rare on the WAY LONG side.

There were a lot of search ideas/methods/tactics and even organizations I wish I would have known about earlier -- or EVER (before we reunited) for that matter.

At the top of that list is ALMA -- I don't know (or don't remember) what it stands for (perhaps someone else here can help out with that?) but it was the organization that my Mom kept all her information (contact and otherwise) that might help me updated with starting when I was 14 -- ironically, the year I started my search. She started that year because it was shortly after she told my 3 siblings (her kept children) about me and from then on, reunion was paramount in everyone's mind. :-)

It was during my final 'break' that my Mom actually found me -- sort of. She had bought into all the BS about how she "shouldn't" find me and "had no right" to "disturb/disrupt" my life...so all her 'searching' for me was passive -- she made sure to share her information with all the organizations she knew about and, especially, with the agency I was adopted through (which did no good as they lied to both of us about anything being "left" for the other in our file). I had whipped myself into an obsessive frenzy that led to a huge 'crash' and subsequent depression and decided (in August of that year) that I would just "let it be" and give myself a mental and emotional break "for a while". After about a week, I knew I had to give myself a time-frame or I would be back at it before I had recuperated enough. So, I decided I'd pick back up "after Christmas". I didn't set a specific date, but I resolved to leave it alone until Christmas Day, at least, had passed.

Well, I do think that Fate was smiling on me when I picked (somewhat randomly) Christmas as my "wait until" date, because on Nov. 19th, while I was at work, I opened an email with the subject line "responding to your ad". I thought it was 'spam' and ignored it. I went to a different email address and saw an email there with the subject line "re: female, DOB xx/xx/72 - the-seeker.com post".

Wow! WOW! WOW! WOW!

It had the same female first-name-only 'sender' so I read it and then went back to the other email and read that one, too! They were both from my MOM! Woo hoo!

Anyway, my last break from searching turned out to be the one that I needed the most (for my own health, not directly related to finding my Mom) and the last one I would ever need -- thank God!

We have been reunited for 4 years (as of Nov. 19th) and I've never regretted searching for a single moment. I did not expect what I got -- what I got is INFINITELY better! The BEST!

I sincerely hope that your search is successful -- and much faster than mine was. I wish you all the best in reunion, too, if reunion is what you wish for. In any case, breaks may be helpful but please never, never, NEVER give up.

(((NH-Adoptee)))

Take care!

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