Family Adoption question about the child?

My husband and I are adopting his second cousin's son, who's 1 and a half year old. My husband's 2nd cousin completely denies having a child and he has no intention on being the father, he's given up full rights and the birth mother is just on full on drugs...so is the father.
Anyway, the little boy has stayed with us many times over the past since he was 2 months old we've watched him and so on. Our daughter (who's turning 4 in March) adores him and has grown up with him. This was one of the reasons we knew that adopting him and making him be a part of our family was a good thing.

The adoption is still in the process (we decided to adopt him a week ago and so far things have been going at a good pace and looking good)

But lately since the little boy has been staying with us, he's picked up some things from our daughter as in "Mommy" and "Daddy". It shocked me a little to hear him refer to us like that since we haven't exactly been teaching him. It's been aunt and uncle, since technically we are his aunt and uncle. I still am a little new to this whole adoption and have no idea what to expect. It's heart warming to hear him call me mommy and to call my husband "daddy". I just don't really know what I should do in the future. Should I explain everything to him about his real parents later on and tell him we're really just his aunt and uncle? Should I teach him to continue calling us aunt and uncle throughout the future--or just let him choose? Mommy, daddy?

It's really all new to me. It's a big difference having two kids. I love him dearly. We all do.
Additional Details
Of course I look at him as my son. My husband and I both do.

JennyH

I think it's a really good thing. He is doing this alll on his own. That way there is no awkwardness in trying to figure out what he should call you guys. He looks to you as his parents, and as long as you love him, and it is obvious you do, and treat him like your own, then I would put the adoption thing behind you, and enjoy your new son. My Aunt and Uncle adopted their 2nd cousins baby girl, and as for the future, they have already told her she is adopted, she is 10 now, and that she is THEIR daughter in everyway and that they love her more than words can describe. Also, my aunt has told her, when she is ready, if she wants to know her birth mother, she will tell her. What you guys are doing for this little boy is wonderful! You are giving him a chance to be raised in a good home with parents that love him.

Add : To corn dog...whatever...... If she adopts the child...his parents are giving up their parental rights. That is both parents decision. The mother is chosing the drugs over her son....what? When she is done being selfish does it mean that she can all of a sudden and come back into this child's life? That would be traumatic on the child.

Lori A

I say talk to the parents about it, and here's why.

My step daughter started calling me mom. She was about 6 at the time and staying with us quite a bit. The first time I said nothing because it might have been a slip. When it was clear that it was not a slip, I told her that she did not have to call me that if she wasn't comfortable with it. She continued to call me mom and I left it alone. My husband was aware, and had no problem with it.

One day on the rare occasion that her mother and I were in the same place at the same time, my step daughter called out mom and we both answered.

That was the beginning of world war three, and the end of us seeing so much of his daughter. I had been accused of forcing her to call me that, and nothing we said would change her mothers mind. She insisted that her daughter would NEVER do that of her own free will.

To this day, the issues of that situation have been an elephant in the room between us.

I tried to explain that her daughter just wanted to fit in with the rest of the kids. I have two of my own and at the time had a ton of their friends calling me mom, none of which I forced. It was just a phase for the boys, since they were here so often.

Your situation is different, and you will be wise to keep the child informed that they do have another mother and father, but if this child wants to feel like one of the family then I say let them. It is important enough "to them" to make the effort. Good Luck.

yeahright

If you adopted him, you are his parents. The idea of him coming into it on his own and from your view point must be startling but there it is.

ssandydem

whatever he is comfortable calling u is fine at 1 1/2 years he is too young to know the difference. when he starts asking is the time to tell him or at an age u deem appropriate for him to understand without causing too much emotional mess. but for now leave it be. congrats on being a mom again.

Diane W

Congratulations Mom & Dad! You are his parents now and even he knows it.

Mrsâ™¥xoC

Right now, let him believe what he wants. He is young, and might not understand the words completley. If you end up adopting him, later in life, yes - tell him the truth. As for now, you might be the closest thing to Mommy, as well as your husband being Daddy. Let him feel that bond, because if things work in your favor - he will ultimately become your son!

Thanks for having a generous heart!

mom of many

good luck and I think its great he calls you mom and dad. But you have a bit of a road ahead of you getting their parental rights terminated. If they were already terminated then he would have automatically been listed with a national adoption service. so the parents probably don't have anything to do with him but now you have the legal end of it.

red elephants

I think at his age its a bit much for him to understand. I would let him go ahead and call you mommy and daddy. Once the adoption is complete you legally will be his parents so calling you aunt and uncle would be a good bit out of place.

I woudn't keep the truth from him about his biological parents but at the same time he is very young at this point and will not understand why he has to call you something other than mom and dad when your daughter is calling you that.

When he is older and knows what is happening let him decide what he wants to call you.

A family friend is going through something similar. Her son was taken from her by the state due to uncontrolled drug use. She had so many chances and such support to clean up but drugs were more important to her. Her aunt adopted her son this year. Its such a sad situation isn't it? Actually about the same age also.

Anyways, good luck with things.

Nala

I would say if the parents want nothing to do with him and don't see themselves fitting thee "Mom and Dad" title then deffinetly without a doubt get him to call you guys mom and dad. Beacause as he grows up it's going to make him feel way better he's got a proper mom and dad like all the other kids. Than just an aunt and uncle. A prime example of this is teachers are always like get mom or dad to sign this consent form. It's just going to be simplier for him. As well it makes it's clearer to your daughter that he is a 'real' brother.

Laural G

Figuring that you will be adopting him, raising him, loving him, and his biological parents aren't wanting to be in the picture. You are his mom and dad, perhaps you could be mommy and daddy and the natural parents could be mommy jane and daddy john... or work something out like that. I think if you raise him as your own but want him to call you aunt and uncle he might feel like a little bit of an outsider because the person he will consider his big sister is calling you mom and dad. You are going to be a family and he will be your son... Congrats!!!

Mom of 1 & Expecting!

If you are adopting him, he should be able to feel the comfort of being part of your family and not feel (and Laural said) like an outsider, by being asked to call you aunt and uncle.

As he gets older, I'm sure the situation will be explained to him, but I think any baby who sees the older child call you Mommy, also wants to call you his Mommy. Don't take that from him. :-)

Good luck in this transition. I'm glad you're welcoming him into your home. He needs you.

Jenny W

Well since you are in the process of adopting him technically he will become your son, your husband's son, your daughter's brother. He picked up on it because he obviously hears your daughter call you that, and maybe he just never had that whole mommy daddy thing with his own birth parents. I think it's a great thing that he's already developed a bond with you and your family. When he is older you can explain that he was adopted and the whole situation there, but as long as you treat him the same as your daughter I assume you will always be mommy and daddy and sister to him.

â™¥ [{ NICOLE }] â™¥

i think it would be best for him to call you mommy & your husband daddy, because by the time he is around the age of 5 hes going to wonder why your daughter says mommy & daddy but he says aunt & uncle. and i dont think their is an easy way to explain something like this to a 5yr old.

let him call you guys mommy & daddy, & when he gets to his teens maybe around 15 - 16 tell him about them.

but for now dont confuse him. and continue to be his parents. if you both consider him as your son, let it be.

let time play it out, im sure your son will understand in the future.

GOOD LUCK & CONGRATS <33

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