Fiance wants to adopt....?

I have been divorced for a little while and I'm engadged. I have 2 daughters from the first marriage a 2 month old (we divorced while I was pregnat with her) and a 20 (almost 21) month old. My ex gets to see our daughters once a week but he doesn't want those rights. (He doesn't love the kids at all. He told me.)

My fiance wants to adopt my two daughters so we can be one big family (Me, my daughters, him and his 5 kids). My 20 month old really loves my fiance and my 2 month old is always happy around him. I would love for him to adopt my kids.

Now, do we have to consult my ex about this even if he doesn't want custody over them?I know where he is. We both have never done this before and we want to do this as leagally as possible. My ex's name is on both of their birth certifacates (he's on my 2 month old's because the divorce wasn't final until a week after she was born and he was there to help deliver and he's the birth father). Any help would be appreciated.
Additional Details
He hasn't seen our daughters since the divorce was final. I send pictures and we had a webcam for a few weeks, but soon I stopped.

Crucio

Why would he love them more because they have his last name?

The only way for him to legally adopt them would be for their biofather to sign away his rights. If he doesnâ€™t even care about them the only reason I can think that he wouldnâ€™t sign his rights away would be to spite you. From what you say this man isnâ€™t even being a father to this girls. Which is sad they deserve a man who will be and wants to be their daddy. Your future husband fits that bill. Like they say any man can father a child but it takes a true man to be a daddy.

Best of Luck.

Julie R

Is there any reason why your fiancÃ© cannot be a 2nd father to your children without legally adopting them? If he is good to them, cares for them, loves them, why the need to adopt? Your children will love him just the same, but they already have a father.

As an adult adoptee, I resent my identity having been changed. Why couldn't my adoptive parents be good to me, care for me and love me without changing my identity?

There seems to be an unspoken message that changing one's identity makes the people attached to the original identity somehow bad. Surely you don't want your children to think badly of their father despite his actions. He may change, and he IS their father no matter what - they are half him.

I have a stepdaughter. I came into her life when she was 4 years old. Despite her mother's behavior, I never dreamed of adopting this little girl - she already had a mother. I was good to her, cared for her, and loved her. I NEVER asked her to call me "mother" or "mom" and to this day (she is 27 now) she is grateful that I never tried to replace her mother.

Chad H

Well he'll more than likely have to agree to it. (the ex) Consult a lawyer.

Zyggy

Your ex has to sign away his parental rights even if he doesn't want them. You need to consult a lawyer in your area and start the process and paperwork. If you know anyone that has adopted their step-children contact them and ask who their lawyer was and contact them.

mom of many

first, in most, if not all states, you and fiancee must get married and be married for a year or two. then, stepparent adoption is relatively easy. But you do need your ex to allow his parental rights to be terminated. A lawyer would be your best move.

â™¥Celebrity Hotlineâ™¥ (Thumbs up!)

that's terrible that he doesn't care :( why did he have kids then?

teresa m

Because you know where he is you will have to get his permission if you did not know where he was all you would have to do is have your attorney post a note in the newspaper for a certain amount of time and then if he did not respond then your new husband could adopt. However, if your ex, ever said he was not notified and that you did know how to contact him he could fight the adoption but would be responsible for all past child support. I would suggest that you just get his permission and you and your new man get on raising your family!

It sounds like it will be easy to get the consents from your ex. Just consult an adoption attorney to have the paperwork drawn up. He will be asked to sign away his rights (and along with the rights, the responsibility for child support) as the children's father.

As bad as it may sound, you should consider yourself relatively lucky. Many women have a relationship where the birth father will make it difficult for the birth mom to be happy.

expectn

Sorry to hear about that you should do whatever you can so he can adopt.

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