First Mother Left Consent for Contact in Agency File?

julie j

Hi Heather,

Over the last several decades, agencies that deal with adoption have given themselves authority to do things that they do not have a right to do, based upon their own belief systems or upon their own self-serving interests, and hidden by sealed record laws. It is frustrating for adoptees & their first families.

What you described is indeed unethical and wrong. Two consenting adults should absolutely have the right to contact each other for whatever reason they want. It is by no means an isolated case. For example, I have years worth of letters in response to my requests from when I was still searching, and so does my natural mom, signed from the SAME social worker from the SAME dept. My letters state that their adoption records are stored under birth names. Her letters state that their records are stored under adoptive names! Both of our respective letters said "Please provide us those other names so I may locate your records." It gives the illusion of being helpful if you never find your other party. Imagine our reaction when we found each other through other means and compared notes. Obviously they were counting on adoption records staying sealed so neither of us would have the information needed to complete the picture. Does that look like they were making any real effort, or does that look like they were trying to avoid having contact take place? I have spoken with many other adoptees who have had equally negative experiences with agencies.

When agencies control everything, it makes it difficult for the parties for whom they are meant to serve, to even assess the situation to know what they are up to. It is a serious miscarriage of trust for which there appear to not be any consequences for their actions. It's easy to see why they would not always be motivated to choose the correct thing to do when they report to nobody but themselves.

Challenges for a better system would include more openness, checks & balances, fair guidelines for agencies to follow, the ability to regulate their actions, and consequences for non-compliance & fraud. Thank you for bringing this up, Heather. I hope the family in your example is able to locate each other by alternate means, & that the agencies that commit wrongs are someday held accountable for their actions and prevented from continuing to do so to other families in the future.

julie j
reunited adoptee

Lillie

I find that highly unethical of the agency to continue to withold identifying info. If the first mother actually left consent for contact, then the agency should be obligated to give that information to the ADULT adoptee should the adoptee ask for it.

We are talking about two ADULTS here, everyone, not minor children.

Shelly P. Tofu, E.M.T.

I agree that sounds pretty messed up..

There sure is alot of work to do with reforming the system!

Cam

That's cruel. I don't know what authority agencies have but that doesn't sound fair to me.

Dave F

Not wishing to sound "mean" but how did she "find out" it was even there?Something about that smells fishy. As for the agency not releasing it..Threat of a lawsuit comes to mind.

LaurieDB

What does this agency have to hide?

It's time that adult adopted citizens and first parents be viewed and treated as adults, rather than as little 16 years old and their babies. Adults are capable of handling their own relationship matters, thank you.

tish

that's deep. so much for a "loving choice", heh??

i don't think the agency has that right... and i would suggest that the adoptee pursue it legally.

Jennifer L

If consent was given, it isn't the agency's purvue to step in the middle of it all. I would suggest looking at legal recourse, in this matter.

lahdh4

No it does not. They, agency, just wishes to keep control.

HappyMomAnna

I have heard so many stories where the Agency "let something slip" When my ex and I went to the agency that placed him---the worker we were talking with needed to leave the room to go the the bathroom (wink-wink) and left his file on the desk wide open--it included pictures and other info...including a notation that the birth family had been told their son would NEVER know he had been adopted...

Thank Goodness his AP's changed their minds on that!

I sure hope this isn't a matter of routine as I send pictures and letters to our children's file so that when they are of age and if their mother has cleaned up her life and is able to check she will know that now that we have the kids raised she is free to contact us....

Kay ***Mallory is here! 11/28/08

is it open or closed adoption?
Being that you state the First mother left consent, I dont see why they would with hold the information.

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