First mom did not show up for family meeting what can we do?

Freckle Face

Hi R,

I'm so sorry:( Do you know her name and/or birthday? If you do, you can find her and her parents on ancestry.com. I'm a member if you are not, and i would be happy to help. Just email me:)

((((R))))

Independ"ant"

Do what nmoms do when a-parents hold their child hostage. Hire a private investigator to get info.

littleJaina

Um... good luck! I hate to tell you this, but once cases like this are finalized, getting any information out of the state is almost impossible. My two a-brothers are also bio-brothers, they have 4 other bio-brothers and a bio-sister. There were two boys older than the oldest of my a-brothers, and of them we were told nothing except the medical conditions they had been diagnosed with at the point when they were adopted. There was also a brother born between my two brothers. Of him, my parents were told nothing except that he was also born alcohol syndrome, so we always assumed he was placed with an adoptive family at birth.

We were very lucky, however, and when the two born after the adoption were born, we were notified. I'm not sure if the state did this or the foster parents they had been placed with since that same foster family had fostered one of my two brothers. When the foster mom got sick and they were placed with two new foster families that adopted them, we were able to get contact info for the new adoptive families. We are still in contact with the little brother's family (20 years later) but the sister's family broke off contact after the bio parents tried to get her back when she was 6. (Yes, they only wanted HER back, none of the boys... isn't that odd?)

My best advice for you is to give up on mom for now. It doesn't sound like she's in the mood to be cooperative, or in any shape for it. Make sure the social worker knows you're open to communication in the future. That way if she ever does want to contact you they can forward a letter or give her your address or something. However, if there are still siblings whose adoptions are not finalized, ask the state to put you in touch. I believe there is a law saying that siblings in foster care have a right to see one another - at least there is in Texas. Grab up the contact info for as many siblings as you can before they are adopted out. That way your foster son will not lose his whole family at one go. It'll also make it easier for the siblings to find one another again if some of them are already connected.

sizesmith

Write her a letter, which should be forwarded, so that way she'll have the request in front of her. She may be so overwhelmed, and if she's had 10 children who have either been placed, or taken away, her grief is so overwhelming, that she probably isn't thinking straight. Perhaps a letter might help because she's maybe never had a chance to have someone work with her before.
I'm also disappointed that my son's 1st mom doesn't take part in his life at all. One thing I learned from raising my oldest son with his dad never seeing him was to never put that parent down. My son always saw him as part of his dad. After 17 years, they were reunited, and it's turned out to be a decent relationship. I will never put down my youngest, adopted son's 1st mom. He will just know that we adopted him because we loved him, and that his mother knew that she absolutely was not in a position mentally, physically, emotionally, nor financially to raise him, and she met us and loved him enough to know where he was going to go, and that she hoped it was best for him. Perhaps one day, they'll be reunited, and you do the best you can do, but there is only so much you can do. Good luck, and my prayers are with your son, your family, and his 1st mom. I'm glad you're thinking of your son's needs too, and one day, he'll realize it!

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