First moms not yet in reunion?

Philippa

I know I don't really 'qualify' for this question as I am in reunion :) but I'll answer anyway.

I always wondered:

How was he?
Was he alive?
Was he happy?
What did he get for his birthday?
Was he doing anything special for his birthday?
Did he know he was adopted?

Lori A

Also not qualified to answer because I am in reunion but you might want to know that I only remembered her first birthday. After that for the next ten years I blocked it out. I knew every day for the week before that it was coming, I knew the night before when I went to sleep that it would be the next day, but as for the day itself, I didn't think or her once. I always remembered the day after, from the time she turned 2 until she turned 11. After that I was such a drunk I honestly don't remember much of anything.

and for those interested, my drinking got out of hand "after" surrendering her, not before. One of "my" side effects of being a surrendering mother. One of many.

Flying Monkey #073177

I'm not sure I can put it into words. I can NOT have my other two in the house on his bday, I have to take the day off work, I spend the day in my room, I smoke a LOT, I drink a LOT of coffee and I do not eat. It is always the same.

I set out my "memories" the night before along with a card for him, a notebook and pens. I wake up at 6:30 am without an alarm (this was the time my contractions started) and basically relive the labour and delivery. At 9:20 am I lose it, I don't need a clock, I know when the time hits. I shake and cry and wail. By 9:30 I am snapped out of it and I write down the experience to analyze later. I start looking at the photos, reliving the years we had together, then I read every document I have about his time in care. I relive every second of our time together and the times that tore us apart in vivid detail. The whole time I am clutching my last physical reminders I have of him, his receiving blanket from the hospital, his Pooh Bear stuffy and his favourite jacket from the last few months he was with me. When I have exhausted most of my grief I write a letter to him and his card. The cards I will give him someday, the letters are mine, I will burn them when we are reunited. They are too raw for anyone to read but me.

I think of what he must look like, what he must be learning in school and how I was at his age. When I am emotionally "better" I send as much love and positive energy as I can into the world for him then I crash for a while.

What do I do on his birthday? I beat myself up. What goes through my mind? That I am a horrible excuse for a human being and an even more pathetic excuse for a mother. Mother's don't give their children away.

myst1998

http://mystere1998.blogspot.com/2009/02/11-candles.html

This is what goes through my mind almost every birthday....

I also do not go to work. But I look after myself and we do things as a family to commemorate the day. I buy a cake with my daughter's name on it and we sing her happy birthday. I light a candle for her and put up a display of photos on the dining table.

Earlier, before I was married, I would curl up in a ball and try to sleep. Her first birthday was the worst. My body went into a very strange phase, I had minor contractions, new milk and major flashbacks all day. Shortly after that, my heart started playing up and the specialist couldn't work out what was wrong as an ultrasound picked up nothing but an extremely healthy heart. I told him about my daughter and he put it down to extreme stress. My heart still plays up now on her birthday.

royce is taolly hot club by kody

i have to get them a b- day present before there b-day

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