First mothers - would you ever adopt?

magic pointe shoes

Okay seriously, this question is for mothers *who relinquished a child for adoption* thus "first mothers" not plain "mothers" I highly doubt that the first few answers are from first mothers.

No, it would take some seriously extreme occurrence for me to adopt. Guardianship, possibly, but adopt never. I will not contribute to that kind of loss on either the family left behind or to the child. My time, money and patience is better directed at family preservation than means to tear families apart.

edit to add: Just because there is a legal document surrendering my legal rights to my son, doesn't mean that my biological rights to my son are severed also. My son will always have a relationship with me via biology despite the legal cover up by replacing documents such as the birth certificate listing someone else as birthing my child.

Guardianship means that those biological roots aren't erased and fully recognized. If I took a child in by guardianship, I would act as mother to that child, but I would never ever erase the fact the child had a mother and father before me.

gypsywinter

No...as a surrendering mother, I have never had any desire to adopt. If one of my family members children were left out in the cold for any reason and that child had no one...yes I would take that child into my home, as the family member he or she is..and do my best for that child. But I would not change their identity. I would only seek guardianship.

SJM

My natural father did adopt. It's not quite the same as a natural mother, but close. He and I had been reunited for quite awhile before this happened. He and his wife adopted a family member. Her name was changed (just the last name), but she was always in close contact with her mother. Really close contact. She still called her 'mom', and everyone shared every holiday together. She's now grown and lives with her natural mother.

Flying Monkey #073177

Not a chance. If I knew of a child who was genuinely in need of a home I would be more than willing to take the child in and raise it but I would never adopt. Guardianship is more than adequate.

Camira B

Absolutely not. I couldn't even fathom being apart of something that brings so many people so much pain.

Like the others said, I would, if necessary, become a temporary or permanent guardian to a family member's child and I might consider fostering with the intent of the children getting reunited with their parents.

But adoption, as it stands with all of it's falsities and complete disregard for the people involved, would not be something I would do.

kitta

This situation is more common than you would think. While I was working for a search/support group I received a number of calls from mothers who had surrendered and also adopted. The agencies they adopted from, knew they had surrendered. Agencies absolutely *love* surrendering mothers who adopt. The reason for this is because it "validates" adoption like nothing else can.

Surrender, under the law, is not the same as involuntary TPR.If she was simply unmarried,maybe a student, not an abuser, then she was still a fit mother. She may have been forced, but she wasn't a child abuser.

ETA: I would not adopt a child after experiencing a surrender , but if a family member or close friend's child needed a home I would be a guardian

Felicita1

I would never exploit a mother the way the industry promotes it. Nor would I engage in any practice that falsifies and seals birth records, thus violating the civil rights of the person whose birth it pertains to. Thus, NO, I would never adopt as I find it totally unethical for these reasons, and this includes adoption from foster care (you don't need an adoption to have a permanent family).

I *did* however adopt back my son and I want to encourage more natural mothers to explore this option with their found children. We often were given no choice in surrendering our children, due to the coercion that was applied to us to force us to do so (and a coerced decision is NOT a decision at all). And our newborns certainly were given no choice either. But if both parties want to, we can make that choice as adults and reclaim what was stolen from us.

myst1998

Hell no! That would mean I would be supporting a system that stole my child... why would I ever do that? I would foster though... and hope any children we foster we can keep in contact with their natural families where it is safe to do so.

Tadow

Actually, adoption has always been on my mind. I do plan on adopting as soon as I can afford to do so.

â™¥0NLY MY 0PiNi0Nâ™¥

I would LOVE to adopt. My fiance and the father of my kids isnt so open minded about it but its always been something i would like to do. To give a child a home and a family, love and a good life is a gift from God

hotmama

I never really thought about it until my younger brother had a child and they couldn't take care of her.. she was taken away from them..long story short... I ended up getting her in the end.. after my husband and I got married in June the adoption was finalized September 12th. She is an absolute doll and the joy of my life.

So for everyone here that keeps saying they would only seek guardianship... those children will never actually have parents..?? Birth parents rights are terminated than the child no longer "belongs" to anyone. Does anyone have a clue what that must feel like to a child? To not have any parents?

Mothers that had their child/children taken away will probably never be able to adopt any way.. they don't deserve to be parents.. there are reasons children get taken away... but luckily for those children there are people out there who are loving and willing to help.

jttoledo9279@sbcglobal.net

I did have one child and then adopted another one. I have two boys that are 4 months apart. It's one of the best decisions we ever made. They are really good to one another and love each other. Of course, they treat each other like brothers. :0) We just have to keep them in separate classrooms at school because one tends to answer for the other often.

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