For Adoptees?

ttswismis

I was adopted in a closed adoption when I was a toddler and for as long as I can remember my parents have always made sure I understood that I was special because I was adopted. As I got older they released more information to me as they felt I was able to process it. They always answered my questions very honestly. When I turned 18 they gave me all of the records they had from the adoption agency. There was a brief bio/medical history from both sides of my birth parents. My adoptive parents have always told me that if I choose to I can have my records unsealed and they will pay for me to find my bio parents. I have never had a desire to do this and I think that is largely because there is not any real mystery. Because they were so honest with me from a young age and didn't try to hide anything from me- I have not really been curious to find anything from my past. I am considering adopting in the next year and I will treat my child the same way my parents did me!

amgirl2

i was adopted before i was born. my only issue is that it was a closed adoption and my lawyer lost my medical records. i need them badly but have no way of retriving them. also (im 20) i would have liked to have a picture of my parents just so i could see what they looked like. other than that, i like being adopted, i kind of like the mystery of not being like my parents like my brother and sister are.
also, thank you for adopting, there are so many kids out there that need homes!!!!

Torrejon

First, it must never be a secret. You must never try to erase the truth of the past. I wish my parents had once in a while (maybe once every few years) told me it was OK to be curious, OK to want information....which never happened...so I felt guilty about it.

Every once in a while someone, for instance a teacher, might make a comment about how I didnÂ´t look like my brothers...I presume they were innocent observations without realizing how intrusive the comment could be. It helped me to have a few standard comebacks that IÂ´d heard my parents say, such as "Oh, really? You donÂ´think so?" if I didnÂ´t feel like continuing with the conversation.

Expect some difficulties around teen-age identity crisis time. Although I dearly loved my adoptive parents, I said some fairly hurtful things to my mom when I was at that age. I didnÂ´t know it at the time, but now I know that what I wanted was for her to stand her ground, tell me she was my mom, and I was her daughter. IÂ´m grateful that she did.

ladybmw1218

Hi Alexa, congrats! I am not an adoptee, but am an adoptive mom and very involved in adoption support/reform across the triad. You are wise to look into these questions as attachment forming and resonable expectations for transition are very important in toddler adoptions.

Can you clarify the situation your child is coming from? Is it a foster home, or orphanage? The suggested resources will be slightly different based on this, as post institutionalization has it's own set of issues.

Some resources
http://www.soulofadoption.com where you can talk to adoptive parents, foster parents, adoptees, as well as firstmoms and they have some interesting articles as well

Book: "Insight Into Adoption:What Adoptive Parents Need to Know about the Fundamental Differences Between a Biological and Adopted Child and its Effect on Parenting" by Barbara Taylor Blomquist

Book: Twenty Things Adopted Kida Wished Their Adoptive Parents Knew by Sherrie Eldridge

sugarpie

I am adopted. Growing up it was hard to accept and it was forced down my throat that i was adopted, and that made me feel different. I never liked seeing the adoption magazines come in the mail, going to adoption picnics. So my advice is please dont keep reminding the child. Tell him when he is young, but let him come to you with questions. Make him feel welcomed and that he does belong in your family by treating him the same as everyone else. Dont baby him. If he wants to find out about his family let him and tell him he is welcomed. good luck!

Crucio

As one poster suggested do it gradually. I know a couple who adopted a little girl at the time she was 15 months old and had been living with her foster family for most of her life. They went over and visited often, got to the point where they would take her out with them, visits to the zoo, park, and other family things. Had her spend the night at the house etc. Before taking her home for good, and they are still in contact with her former foster family.

unconditional1987

congrats!! I'm 19 and have been adopted for almost 16 years now. Does he currently live with you? my family always told me how excited they were for me to be a part of the family and after my adoption how now no matter what happened they would always be family.
to make life easier would be I've always wanted to know what my bio parents looked like and medical records would help. let your son know that if he ever has questions you would love to answer them for him and if you don't have the answer you will get it.
i have abandonment issues, but that's from forced visitations to see my bios. Just reasure him that you love him as he ages...and expect to get, "you're not my real mom", it will hurt but understand he is hurt too.

acceptancewithjoy20

I did have unresolved issues for awhile but those were aimed at my bio parents not my adopted parents.

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