For people who placed their child for adoption...?

livelaughlearngrow

"open adoptions" were almost unheard of when I placed my 1st born up for adoption.
I was given a stack of papers with descriptive information about the prospective parents. the info covered everything about them ( except how to find them, the names ,addresses, "#'s" were omitted)

I chose based on the personality profiles, religion, and yes income.
I choose a family that was upper mid-class ( not overtly wealthy, but not struggling for daily existence) who were stable, warm fun loving & had the same religious beliefs that I do. I prayed long & hard about the decision & felt that the "best choice" had been made.

There was no act to put on, I never met them face to face ( the agency) screened the prospects for 3 years before they could be in the consideration pool, and each couple had to have counseling as part of the process..

cantstopLinnyG

You cant be sure who will be best other than you, because YOU ARE THE BEST.
Everyone acts differently before the baby. You, yourself, because you are unsure about your decision. The prospective adoptive parents, because they want your baby more than anything in the world. They will tell you whatever you want to hear...they want your baby. Nothing more. They will tell you they want the adoption to be open. Please go to this link to find out about open adoption, it isnt even legally enforceable. http://www.exiledmothers.com/open_adoption/index.html

Please please please talk to someone other than the adoption agency, or p a p's. It is in THEIR interest you give your baby to them. You CANNOT get good counseling if they are in ANY way involved.

Please go to the links I posted to you before. They will help you keep that baby.

Your baby WANTS to be loved and raised by YOU. No one else.

http://www.exiledmothers.com/adoption_facts/adoption_coercion.html
http://www.origins-usa.org
http://www.motherhelp.info/index.htm
http://www.babyscoopera.com
http://www.keepyourbaby.com/
http://www.keepyourbaby.com/the_primal_w...
http://www.cubirthparents.org/edd/index....

magic pointe shoes

LOL. Once upon a time I would have told you it was God's will. I was scared and wouldn't even pick up the phone to call an adoption agency because that kind of call was the equivalent of saying I wasn't good enough for my child. So instead, after mentioning adoption to my doctor, the second doctor appointment his partner asked if I was still considering adoption for my child and told me about another patient of her's. The story included all the heartbreak they have had trying to adopt but she would only show me their profile letter if I was serious about adoption. Because of that doctor and the way she phrased the entire conversation, I was coerced into picking my son's parents and wouldn't even consider looking at any other profile because of the guilt of being the next birthmother to hurt these people.

But yeah, for the first few years I clung to God's will of having the perfect people waiting for my son. Now I know better. God is with my son and with his parents, but it was free will and piss poor choices of coercion mixed with naivety that helped me decide on his family.

kzdre

You're the best mother for your baby. Try to find a way to keep your baby before considering giving her away, permanently. There are NO guarantees in open adoption. All prospective adoptive parents seem perfect, and how would you know otherwise? They're strangers, try to be a parent before letting strangers parent your baby.

Tinkk333

Truth is, you can never be sure. Say this to yourself.. look deep inside. Can I be the best I can be for this child? Can I provide everything he/she could need to grow up right? Can someone else do it better? Provide more that I can possible? Adoption agencies are very strict. Even more, people who want to adopt are (for the most part) good people, who would love and care for a child so much, who wasn't their own, no? Try to ease your mind.

Money helps but it is not the most important thing in raising a child. Sure alot of people want you to like them and they will try there hardest to make you like them but not because there trying to lie they just want a baby to love and really want you to pick them. You should ask if you can go to there house and see how they live and maybe stay for a week or so to see how there days go. You can check out the local schools if they own there home. You can find out what kind of environment the child will be in. What ever it takes to make sure your baby will be safe the people should say yes if they give you any kind of opposition then there not the right ones for your baby. You can never get to personal, My husband and I want to adopted and we would welcome anyone in our home to look or stay, meet our other children. Even meet our parents and brothers and sister too. you can also have an open adoption and always call and get pictures to see how he is doing. You can do a personal adoption or go though an agencey.

phillip c

I did not decide which family would adopt my child it was based on blind trust.You can find out later when the child 18 years of age,by requesting a reunion.Once again finding the right people to adopt your child is based on the worker and blind trust.When i reunion with my son the family was nice and he turn out to be okay.

Nurse Diesel

OK, that person obviously had some issues, but I'm not sure this is the place for her to work them out.

Let me say I've never been in your position. I have been a very young mother, but I had a job, great health insurance, and I got married. I was 19. We went on to have three children, and now have been married for 20 and a half years.

I can say I think it would be very tough. I think some people would allow their desperation to have a baby get in the way of their honesty, so to speak, and others would not. You are going to have to go with your gut on this one.

Work with the adoption agency to find parents that share your values, interview a few of them, then go with your gut.

I do know that if I were adopting a child, I would want to raise it without interference. I guess I wouldn't mind sharing information, but I think it's really important to create a cohesive family unit, and a lot of visitation could be disruptive.

I believe that choosing adoption is very selfless - it is heartbreaking to give away your children. But if you know that you are unable to raise the child at this point in your life, you aren't killing the baby, and you are giving a priceless gift to a childless couple.

I have always believed that love is worth giving, even when you know there will be an end point, and a great deal of sadness at the end. The loving is still worth it all. That is what you are doing right now. You are giving your baby the gift of life, the gift of a proper home with two parents, and the gift of your love while he is with you. You know it will end, when it should go on, but you are doing it anyway - that is the true definition of a mother, to do the best you can for your child.

God bless you.

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