For people who think ADOPTION is a BAD thing..?

aloha.girl59

At least you're honest and you admit that you don't know anything about adoption.

Most of the people here don't hate ALL adoption. Adopting from foster care is considered to be a good thing by most of the regulars on this forum. Kids in foster care have usually been removed from their natural parents' care because of abuse or neglect. The state tries to reunite the children with their natural parents whenever possible, but sometimes that doesn't work or isn't in the child's best interests (ie: the natural parents don't follow through on their case plans). When that happens, the parents' rights are terminated and the child is made available for adoption. (This is what happened with my son, so I know from experience as well as from reading others' stories.)

What's bad about adoption can and HAS filled many, many books. Look at it this way:
Imagine you were adopted at birth. Your adoptive parents love you like crazy, but they don't look like you and you've always wanted to know WHO you look like. Your original birth certificate is not available to you so you don't know the name your natural mother gave you and you don't know her name or your father's name either. You might have a talent for music...or a tendency to snort when you laugh...or an intense fear of spiders. No one in your adoptive family has those traits so you wonder where you got them from. You love your family and you know they love you, but you never really feel as if you "fit." There's something missing and you know what it is: your origins. Your history. Your parents.

Your screen name indicates that you have a child. When she was born, did anyone try to tell you that it would be better for BOTH of you if you placed her for adoption? Did anyone tell you that she would be better off with two parents/people who had more money/people who lived in a nicer house/etc.? Did anyone tell you that it wasn't fair that you could conceive so easily and there are so many DESERVING women who can't, so you should give your baby to one of them? Young women who relinquish their infants for adoption hear this kind of b.s. all the time! Horrible, isn't it? That's just one of the scummy sides of adoption: the fact that agencies make tons of cash by separating scared, often broke young women from their children.

Often seedy, often scummy, usually scary. That's adoption.

RANMAN

I've never heard of people complaining that adoption is a bad thing???
I've heard of people who suggest you should KEEP your child, and not give your child up for adoption just because times are hard,....
but I've never heard anybody say, "You should not adopt that child, you should leave him at that orphanage until he turns 18!!" ....Never heard that.

Adoption is a great thing for a lonely child who longs for a loving family. Every child deserves a good home, with loving parents. I can't imagine anybody not agreeing with that?? Interesting..

Peace!

cantstopLinnyG

Really? This question again?? There is a resolved questions area that has answers to this question, which is asked at least twice a day.

I cant give you links to my life, so I give links to sites which pretty much sum it up. Here is an answer I posted earlier:

Adoption is only a nightmare when it strips the child of their heritage, culture and identity. It is a nightmare for the adoptee if they are not allowed to mourn the loss of their first family, if they are made to feel guilty for wanting to know and love, or even talk about or miss their first family.

Adoption is a nightmare if there is no chance for reunion. Adoption is a nightmare when children are being sold to overseas agencies after they have been kidnapped from their village. Adoption is a nightmare for young women who are raped, just to get them pregnant and sell to agencies because they know what kind of price they will fetch from barren American women.

Adoption is a nightmare if the first mother was coerced into surrendering her child.

So while I love my adoptive family and realize that in some situations, a child cannot remain with their family and has to be adopted, I do not ALWAYS think adoption is wrong or a nightmare. But I also realize it CAN be a nightmare.

Mei-Ling

Because I already had a family. And no, I would not have grown up in a shelter. How do I know this?

Because my sister was KEPT AFTER MY ADOPTION.

Oh, and because I've seen pictures. They don't live in a sh1thole, either.

"Ofcourse they dont have to be happy or thankful they can just get a shot at something better than what they had."

And who is to say what is "better"?

This is when you say things essential to life: food, water, clothing, emotional care, etc. But EVERY kid deserves that!! It's not a privilege just because the word "adoption" is tossed onto it!

An excerpt from my blog entry:

"Why do I think that international adoption should be ended one day, if that ever becomes a possibility? Why would I so blatantly state something which is enabling so many people to become parents and have happy families? Why would I wish to end something that clearly makes adoptive families possible?

Because no one should have to lose everything of their origins just to live. Because no mother should have to relinquish and then spend the rest of her lifetime living in sorrow. Because no child should have to grow up wondering, â€œWell, if she wanted me, why didnâ€™t she just keep me? Did she even love me?â€

Because no one should have to start off their lives by losing their parents. No one should have to trade their culture, language, and family just so they have a chance at life. No one should have to start off with unknown beginnings."

PhilM

My standard answer:

As an adoptee, I want people to understand that adoption is a very complicated proposition, rife with emotional pitfalls. I have never felt unequivocally happy about my adoption, even while I love my adoptive parents. Why? Because adoption starts with loss. The one person in the whole world who should have loved the child and cared for him or her more than anything in the world either couldn't or wouldn't. That's a loss. That loss needs to be acknowledged by society, and it rarely is.

In most adoptions, when the adoption finalizes, the birth certificate is changed to something that is a lie. Mine says that my (adoptive) mother gave birth to me. But that is simply false. And my original birth certificate is then sealed away forever out of my sight. People on a daily basis tell me that I should be grateful for having parents who loved me, as though I didn't deserve love and care. We even get asked if we would rather have been aborted, as though grieving our loss is somehow impermissible because we could have lost more. Adoptees and their perspectives (please note the plural - I am not saying there is only one perspective from adoptees) are often marginalized. We have little voice in the discussion.

Until society is willing to have an honest discussion about the effects of adoption on children (the ones that adoption is supposed to help), I (and many others) will speak out about it, and will be called "fringe" and worse.

durdenslabs

Children are not "bought". Agencies get paid to have the background check, fingerprinting, physicals, bio's, searching/matching, etc on the adoptive parents.
Mothers that are giving up their children (before they are born) get their hospital bills paid for by the adoptive parents. It's not buying the child. It's paying for the hospital bills in the same way you would if you could have your own children.

Foster care is better, imo, than going through agencies. They have the childrens interest in mind moreso than agencies (imo). Foster care is virtually free and takes less time to have a child placed *usually*.

How come you think a child should stay with an abusive, destructive, emotionally & mentally unstable family that can not (or does not) want to raise a child??? Even if the mother wants to keep the baby, but knows she can't (for whatever reason), she has sense enough to let the child go to a loving forever home that can give the child what it needs (love, stability, home, clothing, food, insurance, schooling, etc).
Why would you deny a child the chance at a better life???

Adoption is NOT a bad thing!!!! It's the best thing that a lot of these children have ever had happen to them.

sunny

Adoption should exist for children who are abused, with addicts, or profoundly neglected--usually by the mentally ill.

Otherwise children should be raised with the parents they were DESIGNED to be with naturally.

Maybe you should ask yourself why you think destroying families (and keeping agencies and attorneys in a financially rewarding business) so infertile people can raise other people's children is a good idea.

â™¥ Hunter's Mommy â™¥ is TTC

I look at it this way. I will never give any of my children up for adoption.
My best friend was adopted from birth and I would rather have him be adopted and loved by a family than aborted or treated badly.

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