For those against adoption....?

Isabel A

My biggest concern is also infant adoption in the U.S. Children are commodities for needy couples. There are people who even think they can special order a child to look like them!

I have more faith in the foster care system because for the most part, they are trying to place children in loving, stable homes. Which to me is the whole point of adoption.

It shouldn't be the other way around.

Gershom

Heather H have I told you lately that I love you?

Foster Care children should come first! All foster care children should have complete priority over the infant adoption industry in America.

amyburt40

I am so tired of these types of questions. I am all for foster care adoption. What you don't realize is that most prospective adoptive parents want are infants specifically white infants. What many of us are trying to tell you including even some of the most hard core adoptive parents is that we want it ethical. We want adoption agencies to answer for what they do to all of us living adoption.

Infant adoption is very different from foster adoption. Most women who do relinquish would probably make very excellent mothers. I know thousands that are very good parents now and would have been at the time of relinquishment. Foster adoption is where there is abuse. Those children deserve to have a family. I do think that if a family in this kind of dire situation can be repaired with help then it should be. If it can't be then the child should be placed in a permanent safe situation.

LaurieDB

Heather is right. I'll just add that it seems that some people (I won't say specifically you, because I don't know you or what you may or may not be thinking) become confused when someone is against adoption as it is practiced in the U.S. vs. adoption in and of itself.

Laurel J

Heather nailed it.

TaxGurl

I don't think anyone is against adoption children from the foster care system when the parents have proven to be unfit. All children deserve the stability of a loving home and family.

The problem I see lamented about most often is with the newborn/infant adoption process. This type of adoption is more often about finding a child for a family rather than finding a family for a child. Very few infants are surrendered because "they weren't wanted." Instead, there is a lot of pressure on young, unmarried women to turn their child over to adoptive parents.

Please read "The Girls Who Went Away" for a little more perspective on infant adoption. Many of those women were pressured into giving up their babies or not even given the option of keeping them. It's unfortunate but many young women were treated like baby mills for infertile couples desperate to adopt an infant. They were sent to maternity homes during pregnancy, gave birth, had the infant taken away, and were sent home to resume their lives.

Heather B

I think adoption has a place when it is in the child's best interest and is absolutely necessary, yes of course.

Unfortunately, that is not how the process of adoption is practised in the USA, and people stick their heads in the sand and think everything is just peachy with an adoption system that is geared toward lining people's pockets and where the best interests of the child comes WAY behind the best interests of other parties involved in facilitation

BPD Wife

As everyone knows, I believe that our son's adoption was our own miracle and his too - considering the situation he came from.

I recently realized (thanks to another person here) that many people who seem to be "against" adoption are not necessarily against what many of us perceive to be adoption. Many people are against the pre-birth matching of children since a bio parent has not been able to fully understand the magnitude of her decision. If they are against foster care, it is only in the sense that some foster care programs remove children from bio parents without just cause. I never believed that before meeting some people who did have it happen to them.

The reality is that I think we are ALL "against" certain things in adoption. Whether it be trolling for babies, coerced birth families, pre-placement matching, or adoptees not being able to easily obtain info, there are things to be "against" when it comes to adoption. However, there are many good stories out there. We just need to stay open to everyone.

toomuchpain

I think adoption is great as long as a person adopts cause they want a child to raise and love.I think its wrong to adopt just to have a child do all your house work and stuff.

janimal

As a waiting adoptive mother, I am disgusted with the adoption system in the US.
Agencies are corrupt, and birthmoms are pressured. for me personally, I want to be sure the the Mom who considers relinquishing her child to me has had counselling and support to make sure this is the best option. I am committed to knowing that they aren't giving up their baby because of pressure they are feeling. I am also seeking an open adoption, so the birthmom and my child can maintain some contact, which is best for all parties involved.

And you know what -- this means I will likely have to wait longer for a child. It took a lot of research to find the right agency to work with.

And to those who are upset with the desire to adopt an infant instead of an older child in foster care, I want to try and make some sense of how I feel here. I want a child, my child, to love and cherish. I have to admit my own fear at being able to bond with an older child in the same way, but it is something I want to consider. At the moment, my husband is not interested in adopting an older child, and I must respect those wishes. But we have talked about perhaps adopting an older foster child later, after our first. We'll see.

I have read through so many profiles of foster children, and it is heartbreaking to read the stories of the issues these children have because of their upbringing so far. We cannot take on those issues. We have to be honest about who we are, what we want, and what we can handle. And I don't feel guilty about wanting a baby of my own to raise. It is the strongest desire I have ever felt.

redriverfollow

It is only a bad thing if you can't afford the rediculously high fees.
How can you be expected to raise them if you used all of yoursavings or owe everybody who lent the money for the fees?

JadynsMom24

i never came across anyone who thinks adoption is a bad thing???

Roberta P

I guess the answer to the adoption issue per adoptees is ALL infants that are going to be placed for adoption have to go into foster care. Since foster care is such a well run system, no child ever is abused, killed, neglected in foster care, that is what is best for the child. Will there be a minimum amount of time the child has to be a ward of the state or minimum number of foster families that have to have the child before a loving family can adopt them? From what I've read and personal experience it can take years to adopt from foster care, and not due to a lack of available children. I guess this mandatory foster care will eliminate all the baby trafficking you profess occurs quite rampantly. The only children available for adoption will be toddlers and older kids. That's the way to punish all those unwanted babies. Make them move from house to house, enduring the potential torment from older kids removed from abusive homes. Don't let them go straight from the hosptial to a loving stable home because there are some agencies that are not on the level, punish everyone for a few bad apples I don't think you can show me any business, social program that doesn't have any bad apples in it, adoption agencies are no different than any other program or business. Most are good but a few are bad. We need to close the bad ones, not punish innocent babies.

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: