For those in reunion, does your First mom and your mom have an relationship as well? Have they become friends?

Heather B

Both my mothers have the utmost respect for each other. They have yet to meet, but are very much looking forward to meeting.

sunny

God no. What a nightmare.

Lori A

Although it started as a closed adoption, and came much later on, I did in fact meet Rachael's parents this year. I have been accepted as extended family which feels really good. It put a lot of demons to rest for everyone. How much of a relationship we are going to have is yet to be seen since they are 4 hours away, but hey it's a start.

Lillie

No. It's impossible as my a-mom passed away in 1997. However, when I started my search, she did express an interest in meeting my n-mom if and when I found her.

Same with my n-mom, she would have liked to have met my a-mom before she died.

cantstopLinnyG

Sadly, the answer is no. Both of them would have way too many unresolved issues, and it would be very difficult for me, lol.

My brothers and their families are coming here this summer for a mini vacation. My a sis is really looking forward to meeting them, as they are her. Not sure if my a mom will be able to deal with it, though.

Too much of the closed era, guilt ladened BSE still stuck in her head, and some jealousy issues, too.

While she is happy and supportive I am in reunion, I do not think she could ever handle a relationship with my n family. She has a bit too much guilt from our dysfunctional family. I will support her decision if she cannot meet with my n family, though.

In a perfect world, though....it would be nice for my children and I to have both my families living happily ever after, but I dont think that will happen here. At least not as far as my moms go. Im happy that my sibs are all on board, though. Its much easier for the next generation, as they do not have all the baggage.

PhilM

No. They have exchanged cards (and maybe letters?). Everyone really lives too far apart. (I live about a thousand miles from each of them, and they live in different directions.) Further, it's so early in my reunion that I don't feel like sharing, right now? If that makes sense. I think they would get along very well. And they both have expressed interest in meeting and talking, but it just hasn't worked out at this point.

Not Adopted

We haven't met, although the adoptive parents have said they would like all of us to meet. Too early to say whether meeting is a good or bad idea.

ETA: You wrote, "...where the adoptive parents have engaged the First parents as well and they are all a large happy extended family."

This would be nice, from my point of view, but I have heard too many horror stories about these meetings. They are along the lines of a-mother/father insecurity, threats to the adoptee, demands for loyalty, thinly veiled insults to the n-mother, and expectations that the n-mother will simply disappear after the initial reunion.

I'm not saying every situation is like this, I'm just pointing out the stories I have heard and why I am not sure if meeting is a good idea.

(I'm sure there are also stories about n-mothers and families being unreasonable, insecure, demanding etc.)

SJM

My amom died long before I met my natural parents, and I'm really not close enough to my nmom to warrant a relationship between the families. But my adad and ndad know each other. I wouldn't say they're friends, but they're friendly. They don't make plans to hang out, but they both come to major functions like marriages and graduations. My kids and I are close to both of them, and so we don't try to play favorites when it comes to milestone events. It's worked out well. I think they've both benefited from knowing one another.

Rowan

My amom and first mom had a friendly relationship both before and after my and my brothers adoption. It got worse though, over the years, as my a moms health declined and my b moms drinking increased to the point she was incoherent at times. They got along , but the drinking pissed my mom off.

Cindy B

My son's first mother and I have a relationship. My son is only 4 months old but I hope it will continue.

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