Foster Parenting....?

Bunny

Please make sure this is something you really are prepared to do as i manage a nursery where we have quite a few children who are in foster care. Some of the carers really cannot cope with the children (who are all under 5) and do not treat them nicely. I have made a complaint about two of the foster mums in particular - one came in and in front of the 4 year old said he had been evil all weekend and she could not wait to get rid on him.

These children can sometimes be very trying - kicking, screaming, foul language, be non affectionate and not sleep at night. They can be very disturbed by being removed from their parents and may have been bought up in a household where some behaviours unacceptable to you are acceptable to them.

I am sure you will enjoy being a foster carer but please treat your children well - it breaks my heart to see some of the children go home and their little heads go down when they their carer has come to pick them up after a fun day. There are so few carers that they try to place too many children with one family and this is why placements break down.

My advice would be to stick up for yourself and not be pressurised by social services to take on more children then you can cope with. Our best foster family only ever take two children at once and they make sure that they are different ages so they can balance the children's needs

Besides all that i wish you all the best of luck and i hope you make many children very Happy by providing them with a sanctuary

Pamela C

I have lots of experience.. It is a very rewarding and painful journey.. Nothing worth having is not without hard work.
I did emergency foster care for several years and it was very hard.. seeing what those poor children have endured is heart wrenching.. unfortunetly many get returned to that same situation. It is like mourning a death every time one is allowed to go back home (if you can really call it a home). The biological parents have very minimal requirements to get their children back and unfortunetly many don't deserve the children, but there are very loose rules statewide and nationwide.. just too many kids in the system.
The worst part for me was the kids who got into foster care for life and were bounced around from house to house to house.. Some of these kids are severely damaged beyond help.. the worst was the RAD kids... REACTIVE ATTACHMENT DISORDER... known in the system as Radishes. These kids can fake kindness and love but in reality they are severely disturbed and literally unable to bond, they can become violent instantly and hurt themselves and others..
I can tell you some stories that have scarred and scared me.. I had one of them actually come back and break my door down and try to kill me with a utility knife..
I am giving you only one persons perspective.. I am a very good and kind hearted person and I wanted to badly to foster and maybe even adopt.. We never did adopt and we decided to get out of fostering as this was all just too much..
There was also very little state help for this mental illness..
You reallyl have to step up too the plate and be prepared for running around to doctors appointments and special schools and mental institutions etc..
e mail if you want to hear any more..
Good Luck

riddler

My grandmother had over 100 foster kids in her life. I spent every summer living with her, and every time one of those kids would go home, my world was crushed. Make sure you are capable of letting go after building a bond with a child.

Kimberly

My parents were foster parents for 23 years and took care of over 200 children in that time. It can be very rewarding in the fact that you take a child and teach them about how to be in a family and function in society and show them how to love and be loved. It can be heart breaking when a child is ordered to go back into a situation that you know isnt going to be good for the child. It can also be sad when a child is adopted to a family, but it is happy too. My parents have been contacted by some of the children that they have fostered after the child grew up. They have also kept intouch with some of the children that have been adopted also. Being a good foster parent requires alot of love for children, patience, understanding, and a willingness to give a piece of yourself to each child you care for. Good luck to you.

opedial

Hi,

Pro's: Fun with children, watching children's development, watching families unite, feeling you are doing a good thing, dealing with good birth parent and social workers

Con's: Saying goodbye to children, at times back to the home prematurely, dealing with bad social workers and birth parents (not bad bad, but unhealthy or inappropriate), more hectic lifestyle.

Overall you have to be ready for the con's because the pro's are a given. If you feel this is a calling or something you really feel you should do then ensure you go in with eyes open. It can be very rewarding but one of the most challenging jobs I know of.

Makenzie K

Foster care is great, you should do it. Any kids would rather be with a loving parent than a smelly old orphanage

DaYgO gIrL

Hey there, I wanted to let you know that you are going to get alot of great answers on here. I had the same question and alot of wonderful people on here helped me out. And I am very thinkful for them! I help children in my nieghborhood that have bad parents that are cracked out and tweeking. I provide for them as much as even taking them to amusment parks, fed then take them to the beach. We like 10 mintues from the beach and most of these kids have never been there. That is sad so I have been doing this for a while.
Now I am Doing it through the county!
THe think that was the hardest for me was getting so atached to these children and having to give them back to thre parents after they straightened up! I loved all of them regardless of how bad off they were.
Also you hve to be very strong. I have been hit, robbed, and my son had got into fights with some of the kids. But I still made a difference in all of their lifes.
I really didnt care about the bad bacause the feeling I got from helping them over came all negativity and stress.
I had a friend who did the same and had to stop because she got so stressed out she had to go to the doctors.
But good luck and dont forget you might get some stupid answers but realize those ones are idiots! I hope all goes well for you!

Gigi

My Aunt and Uncle did this, but really had trouble when a child would leave. They finally had to quit as it was too emotionally hard on them.

Sophie

Fostering is so wonderful. I began training and decided it wasn't for me. As a single person working full time, I didn't think I could properly take care of a child that needed full time love and guidance. Best wishes!

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