Foster/foster-adopt parents, and formerly fostered people, what is your view on respite care?

Crystal

I was a foster child and i was put in respite care when my foster parents couldn't afford to take me on vacation with them.

Otherwise they looked after me non stop without a break for 16 years. (as they kicked me out when i was 16 and i then became emancipated)

Some foster children have mental issues/disabled or have behavior problems and these foster parents are under extreme stress and definitely deserve a break so in that sense i think respite is a good idea.

Parents who aren't foster parents can also put their children in respite care but it's not common...

i think its needed for families who are stressed and need a break, but there are those who abuse the system and don't really need to use respite.

Sam

We don't use respite, The kids come with us everywhere or hang out at a close friends house. I've never been comfortable calling virtual strangers to watch my kids.

cricketlady

I think respite care is suitable for many times in a carers life. I have used it when my husband had a heart attack and also when we celebrated our 25th anniversary by taking a trip way out west and we had a child who didn't travel too well. She stayed with my niece and my niece had a crisis with her new baby and my Little girl was put in another foster home ----where I wouldn't leave my pet snake[if I had one}. I should have taken the child with us.

There are good times when respite is needed and I believe the individual foster parent has to make that call. No one can do it for them. Otherwise we took our kids[foster kids] from the east coast to the west coast and from the north to the south and they all enjoyed those trips.

Protecting the baby

I always thought I had a problem with respite care because I saw it as not making the child feel like part of your family. I always hated to hear that the family was going on vacation or a holiday break and dropped the kids off somewhere else. However, now that I've experienced it firsthand, I know the difference. My family had planned a trip to Disney (last month). About a month before we went, we had children placed in our home. I have 2 children of my own and was really making the trip for my 8 year old (before he was too old to enjoy it). We went back and forth on whether to take the foster children with us or not. On one hand, I was dying for them to go with us because it might be the only time they would get to go (I never went as a child!) but on the other hand, there were several issues to consider: 1. the boy was a handful and we hadn't really had the time to settle him down in our home before moving him to Disney for a week 2. the social workers didn't want to ask the parents because we hadn't had them long. I didn't want the boy (the oldest) to feel like we were abandoning him (because they had been moved 5 times in 2 months and I didn't want him to feel like this was another move). I finally told the social workers that we would do whatever they thought was best for the kids (because we couldn't decide). I felt like the family would have let us take them if I could have talked to them (as we had met before and have a good relationship for the kids sake). Anyway, they wanted them to go to respite care so we agreed. I made an effort to spend some time with the respite foster lady and the kids got to know her. We visited her 3 times before we left them. Also, we told them that she was my friend, not another foster parent and I told them that I would bring them back something (didn't tell them that we were going to Disney though because they would have freaked out- haha). They did really well in respite care and they want to visit there again (they still think she's just a friend of mine) so it worked out well. If we hadn't already planned and paid for the trip, we would have cancelled it so we won't be using respite care again unless absolutely necessary. And if so, I hope we can use the same family because they loved her. We've already cancelled a summer trip to New York for the same reason (social workers not wanting to rock the boat with the parents). I think the parents are upset thinking that DSS is just trying to take the kids away (not really taking responsibility for what happened to land them there in the first place). So DSS is trying to keep the peace so the parents can work their reunification plan. We're cool with that so we left it in DSS's hands and it turned out to be the right decision for everyone.

aloha.girl59

I have only fostered one child -- the child I eventually adopted -- so maybe I'm not the right person to answer your question. I'm going to try anyway. ;)

1) I think that if a foster carer becomes suddenly ill and cannot provide adequate care for the children in his/her home, respite care is appropriate. Hopefully the person who is ill will receive appropriate treatment and be able to resume his/her regular daily activities, including raising the children in his/her care. I think that in many cases, it would be too traumatic for children to have to move permanently and therefore should be placed back in the formerly ill person's care if it's appropriate for the child/ren. In cases of extreme stress or pressure, perhaps the carer needs long term psychological treatment and the children in his/her care should be permanently removed. I'm not judging here -- I'm just saying that if a person cannot handle sudden stress to the point where the children in the home are in danger of being abused or neglected, then long term treatment may be what is best for the carer and putting kids in limbo until the carer's psychological needs are met is just unfair...not to mention unpredictable.

2) No way, no how, never. I know someone who was a therapeutic foster parent and she did this. I was appalled. If you don't want to take foster kids on vacation, then you have two options:
- don't take in foster kids
- don't go on vacation!
How HORRIBLE must the foster children feel when they know their carers are going away and they're not invited? I wouldn't treat my dog that way, let alone a child! Anyone who does this shouldn't be allowed to foster. Parents don't get breaks from parenting; the same should be said for foster parents. Do the job you're given or don't bother to do it at all. (BTW, the person I knew who took in foster kids and then left them behind when she went on vacation didn't have ANY successful placements. Hmm...not so surprising, is it?)

I hope I helped.

Aloha ~

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