Foster parenting risks?

Mom to Foster Children

1 - if you know your limits that is a great first start. Ask to meet the children before moving forward if at all possible. If the children are being removed from the parents - then a first meeting will not happen as they don't know they are being moved until they are picked up.

#2 - they will go through a "honeymoon" phase where everything is all peaches and cream - like puppy dog tails and such. Our son didn't come out of his honeymoon phase until after he wasn't seeing his mother anymore. We did reunification foster care with the option of adopting if that became the case plan.

My nephew on the other hand - his honeymoon period lasted about 6 months and then the real person came to light. Some days were great / some were not. He has a mu
ltitude of issues (ADD / multiple personality disorder / schetophrinic / etc....) It just all depends on the child / what the child has been through etc. Just remember that they have lost everything due to nothing they did wrong but think it's their fault.

#3 - don't expect much! Seriously! Take notes and lots of them. If your child bumps his arm and it makes a mark (not a bruise per say, but a mark) write it down. It is easier to explain something that it is to say I have no idea. Fast - haha - too funny. I know and understand that reunification is the goal in foster care first - but my sons mother was given 3 solid years to get her act together. Pulled two weeks before his second birthday and was just adopted last week! He will be 7 here in the next couple of days!

In response to your email
#1 what about kids that are being removed? They need help as much as anyone. - the children realize that they are not coming home once they are picked up. They are placed into a foster home with sometimes just the clothes on their back. We had a 6 month old placed with us with just a diaper and a coat that didn't fit. We asked about formula / diapers / allergies / foods / pacifiers and we were told I am sorry I don't know. The process is extremely scary in the beginning for alot of these kids - especially if they are young and don't understand why they can't live with mommy any more.

#2 It's nice to know there's a "honeymoon", but what happens AFTER that? What did they do?? The child that I adopted last week - this is some of the things that he has done...
scream at the top of his lungs like someone is stabbing him for hours on end when he doesn't get his way (minimal - can't have strawberry yogurt for dinner because we are out and only have some other flavor). Mutalate himself - slams hands in doors / bangs head on wall...etc. Physically hurts our animals - will break his own toys. He even started to wet his pants even just sitting at the kitchen table and will tell us "I don't want to go to the bathroom"....etc.

#3 I don't mind being in it for the long haul, and a "injury diary" sounds like a great idea. But I'm thinking more about the application process. Intrusive unjustified questions into personal history, acid tests, record falsification, relinquishing of rights, etc. - Our process was fine. We took some classes and our homestudy. Now I will say that if you didn't have a puppy dog / princess child hood they are going to want to know why / how did you over come it / will it affect your parenting skills / what are your parenting skills...etc. They may be personal questions - but they all do reflect on the placement of children. You will be fine! Acid test???? Not quite sure on that one, if you mean drug test - we didn't have to do one. Relinquishment of your rights is hard and parents will think long and hard on this one - more children go home to their natural parents than end up in foster care (or at least I read that somewhere) and want to believe everything I read in this case.

We have had three children placed with us (our home limit is 3, my personal limit is 2) as we wanted younger kids...my husband needs a play mate - haha. Two of these three children were sent home and one has come back but will go home I believe the beginning of next year. Court is SLOW to make decisions on whoevers behalf. IMHO - the child we have now should go home when we go to court next month. Yeah, the parent that he was sent home made a boo boo - but it wasn't worth pulling the child for the next 6 to 7 months.

Foster care needs more reform than it does more foster parents (that's really hard to say if you look at the amount of children and the amount of homes)

I hope I made things a little clearer - I copied and pasted your question here so I could read and answer instead of just hitting reply.

Listen to everyone and I mean everyone on here. There are first parents / adoptees / foster parents / adoptive parents / and people who you think are just angry! We ALL have a story to tell and they are ALL worth listening too! You will learn alot just listening!

sweetjane

You choose beforehand what types of children you will accept and not accept/be able to handle. They will usually give you a long check list of things--for you to determine what you can and cannot handle. Obviously, saying that you can only handle perfectly healthy and balanced children will make placement within your home more difficult. There are, however, MANY children in foster care for basic neglect, who have few or no serious problems otherwise. Because of neglect issues, they may be behind in school or development, under weight, etc. Generally with strictly foster placements, you are called ahead of time and told the basics, then asked if you will accept placement of that child. You can choose to say no if you don't think you can handle him/her. Sometimes, while in care, the child may become too much for you to handle. Some foster parents will request that a new placement be made. Obviously, that would be VERY difficult on the child to, yet again, feel unwanted.....so you simply need to do everything you can to be as upfront as possible on your forms and in deciding to go ahead with a potential placement. As with all children and people, you should trust a foster child until they give you reason not to. Most case workers will try very hard to make placements as easy a transition as possible. Regardless, if you have a problem with your caseworkers, you can ALWAYS contact their superiors. Our biggest problem with case workers has been that we have 2 different ones who do not communicate with each other. So, we are often the ones to tell them what the other one has said, recommended, etc. Our case workers a nice people, but they have MANY cases and can often seem aloof or disinterested in our particular case. Unfortunately, that is the nature of foster care.....but it helps if you are proactive and if YOU stay on them about things you need.

Moo

Hi,

I worked for fostering agencies and local authorities for several years and have just become a foster carer myself to two wonderful children.

As you sound like you have done your homework you will probably be aware that the assessment process takes roughly 4-6 months - providing paperwork doesnt get lost!

They need to check police records, local authorities, often speak to ex partners and birth children, take references from family, friends and employers.

If any of these things contain information that needs to be explored further from a cannabis conviction 20 years ago to assault 5 years ago etc then this will be discussed further with you.

You sound like you have the idea on Social Workers some are saints and some are sinners - most are overworked with unmanageable case loads so once a child is placed safely with you they need to concentrate on children more immediately at risk. Nearly everyone became a social worker to help but paperwork got in the way!

With regards to the child, what I have always told my carers and people I assess is that you need to know what presses your buttons - mine for example would be children who abuse animals - I just wont go there but everything else I will deal with.

Be honest about your limitations and remember just becuase a child behaved in a certain way somewhere before doesnt mean that behaviour will be demonstrated with you - it might be worse, it might be better, its likely to be different becuase children grow, change and adapt-therefore the behaviour is likely to change too.

Also every child needs support and can show difficult behaviour - not just children in the care system.

Many people comment on social workers having not given full information - in some instances that is true - in others the behaviour is new.

Certain precautions need to be taken, harmful substances, potential weapons etc need to be kept securely - we have a small discreet lock on our cupboard under the stairs!

I also agree with the other comment - try to log everything that you consider relevant ' if the child fell over and cut its lip - make a record somewhere - its not nice but I have seen false allegations ruin peoples lives yet these things need to be investigated thoroughly to weed out the people who might harm children.

Lastly - there is not a 'supermarket' where people can pick and choose exactly so work out what will fit better into your home - most places are likely to turn you away if you say something as prescriptive as 'Girl only - 6 - 8yrs. Many agencies now are looking for people prepared to support a wider age bracket of children (commonly children over 10) and those with more difficult issues.

If you are looking to be more choosy I would recommend the Local Authority fostering teams.

Good luck - it really is wonderful to support young people.

Linny G

I have some very good friends who are foster parents, and my sil is a social worker.

You are correct on #1 as far as the range, lol. I think they all start off wanting to make a difference, but in the end, a lot of them have heart ache and frustration due to beaurocratic red tape.

For the most part, each potential f p is made to "figure out", so to speak, which types of children they are qualified and/or wish for. This goes along with #2. If you cannot handle a child with severe emotional issues, you more than likely will not be asked to foster one.

I do know that depending on the situation, each child may or may not act out. Some one stated the "honeymoon phase", and that is so true. These kids can behave as good as gold at first, then may act out. Sometimes the acting out is a form of testing you..."Will you leave me if Im too bad?" Adopted kids are famous for this type of behavior, too. Some may become withdrawn...behavioral issues will vary.

Again, by making it perfectly clear with your workers on what you are capable of will help alleviate this happening.

You are clearly doing your research, and I commend you. I have so much respect for good foster parents. It is something I wish I could do, but I know my own issues surrounding my adoption would not make me an appropriate candidate.

Good luck!

Summer L

Being a foster parent myself, I believe Mom to Foster Children hit everything on the head (hopefully not the kids though :-)).

Though 2 years ago in Indiana they started offering 'foster care insurance' so that if you do get the destructive, etc kids, you can at least be reimbursed some.

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