Foster to adopt AP's?

Hi. Our foster child is coming up for his TPR hearing this month. Our family wants to be there, but we are NOT allowing that because of the history and background of our child, his half-sibling, and his parents that will be discussed. Following that hearing, we will petition for adoption.
I don't mean to be stupid, but do they discuss any background info in the adoption hearing? Our extended family would like to be there to officially 'welcome' him into the family, but we absolutely do NOT want them knowing his background and his family issues until/unless he wants to tell people one day. So, at the adoption hearing, are there any reasons why our family shouldn't be there or that it should be just myself and my husband?
Additional Details
Thanks Randy. The TPR hearing IS open to anyone and my husband and I will go, but we don't want other extended family members attending ANY hearing where they will discuss our child's or his family's background, personal history, etc. I just think it is important for him to determine with whom he shares that info.

Randy B

I find it odd that you are not allowed to be there for TPR. I guess thats just the way things are in your area. In my area these are court hearings and as such they are open to the public. I went and sat in the back row for my (now) daughters TPR hearing. The Judge asked everyone who had any business with the court to leave (I was the only one there) and I just sat there. Then he asked anyone giving testimony in "this case" to leave...and I just sat there. Finely he asked my name and asked if I was involved in this case in any way. I answered truthfully that I was not and he said I was free to stay then. I don't think he liked it but that was too bad. Yes, I was the paid babysitter (foster parent) of the child involved but legally there was no reason why I couldn't be there since I was not giving testimony and was not a party to the matter before the courts.

Anyway, at the adoption hearing they should not be talking about anything other then the adoption being completed. In my area now they don't have hearings, we just sign the papers which go eventually to the court and we get a registered letter some weeks later once a Judge signs them off. When we did our first adoption though, in another Province, we had a court hearing and the Judge essentially reviewed the file before him, asked my wife and I under oath if we were willing to take on the "rights and responsibilities of being parents to (our daughter)" and once we stated we were he said to gather around for photos as he signed the papers and that was it. Off to the restaurant we went for a big celebratory lunch with our families.

EDIT: Thanks for the clarification. I misread the gist of your issue. I think it's a good plan what you are doing. Just don't tell the rest of your family about the hearing and/or ask that they not attend. The adoption one should be more then fine though.

hotmama

We adopted my niece and her issues (she's a special needs child) were never, ever mentioned at either the TPR or the final adoption hearing. I guess it all depends on the social workers and the judge. Talk to the social workers your working with and ask them if it's a possibility and that you will not allow it. Good luck!

mom1

In my state extended family would not even be allowed at the TPR, it would only include interested parties, i.e. foster parents. In our adoption hearing there was no discussion of his background and what led to the TPR. Our judge did ask if I felt fully informed of his needs and if I had any questions.
I hope this helps. Your social worker should be able to answer quickly and with pertinent information for your county and state.
I understand guarding your child's personal information, I do this often. I find that it helps for close family to have some information, especially if they will be babysitting at any time for you. I also discovered the more obviously guarded I was with any details, the more the Inquiring Minds want to know (and pry, dig, etc.). I know you will do what is best for your family.
I wish you and your family the best.

sizesmith

When I did private adoption, the judge was relatively quiet, and I'd bet that in one minute (or whatever time) the TPR could be done, and then, when the adoption moment comes, the family could be invited in.

Explain to your family that this can be a big downer moment for your child. In one way, he will be excited, but at the same time, any hopes for reunification, no matter how misplaced, will be done away with forever.

I also despise "Gotcha" parties. a celebration to welcome the child is fine, but celebrate birthdays, Christmas, Valentine's day, or whatever, but adoption days are celebrations for the parents, and often times not for the kids.

Opedial

Why would you want to go to the TPR hearing. That is the hearing focusing on the loss of one's parents. I would stay aways from it completely, as it is none of your business.

As for petitioning to adopt, first they have to see if there is any family. If not, then yes you are the logical next person, but I don't ever believe in seeing a foster child as your "own" child. Children belong to their parents until a judge orders that relationship terminated, and even then they will still be connected.

As for extended family, again you are asking them to come and welcome him in the family, but again be wary that his officially coming to your family means losing another family. We did a small celebration when the children were ready. What I did to welcome them from the extended family was to have each family write a letter and send a picture which I scrapbooked. Kids loved the picture and didn't have to go through the stress of a party or event they may not want.

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