Fostering/ Adoption Question Please HELP!!?

I'm just wondering if anyone has ever went into fostering a child with the thought of possibly adopting then deciding its not going to work? My husband and I have custody of a relative that was a last minute decision ( we didn't want the child to go to strangers) Under the thoughts that it was a temporary situation -6mths. Then they tell us we had to be willing to adopt, so we agreed to give it a try (considering we have other children) we had to make sure it would "work" before we committed so we went into that thinking we were going to adopt. After mths of having the child in our home & lots of reasons way we cant make this work ( a huge one is the child's medical needs are big!) I still feel very heartless when we talk about not being able to adopt. I'm just wondering if anyone else has been through this before and/or any suggestions. Please please please be nice I'm struggling alot with this decision and would just like input. BTW the children are all under 5 and we have 3 with one on the way.

B. White

My sister had a similar situation. She fostered three wonderful girls for over a year and learned that the girls would be available for adoption. But she knew she couldn't adopt them. It was so hard for her because she loved the children dearly. My sister already had three other children and had to honest with herself. She was not able to meet the needs of six children (all under 12)longterm. It was heartbreaking for her but the girls were placed in a wonderful adoptive home where they had the full attention of the adoptive parents. This was especially crucial because the girls had severe emotional problems stemming from abuse and needed a lot of individual attention.

It's not heartless to admit that you cannot adopt this child. It takes a very mature person to say that it is too much. I'm sure you want what is in the child's best interests, and that means not being adopted into a family that will be too overwhelmed.

Grace

This is really sad and difficult. But I think it's great that you are being honest about your inability to care for the child. This only shows how responsible your are as you are considering what's best for the child. The best thing to do is to find a new home; with parents you can trust... this way your heart will be comfortable and you won't have to worry about the child. Good luck.

leila

That is so sad and heartbreaking. If the reason you can't do this is financial tell the agency that you need help or you can't do it. There is help (respite and car services). Ask them what services are available and what the subsidy will be. If you decide you can't adopt the child...make a slow transition to the adoptive home. Let the child know that you love him/her but that she/he deserves her own special mommy and daddy and you will always be auntie. see if you can work with the adoptive family to extend your family.

Katie

well my mother, considering i'm only 16, but my mother has adopted my cousin's daughter and now she's about to take guardianship of my other cousin's baby. so we've been through everything you're going through. okay well my mom just has two children, including myself, and she was very hesitant to adopt my cousin, but like you we didn't want her going to strangers. the deal with that was also the financial situation and also the living situation, because we live in a 4 bedroom house with 8 other people, 3 of them are children. but anyways, in the end my mother decided that all of the bills would be payed eventually and that we would just cut budgets so we could support her. also when she adopted my cousin, the adoption agency gave her a check back for all the stuff we had to buy. so she did get caught up after she received her check. also we have CDR which pays for babysitting. so it helped out a lot.

hopefully this helped in some way
:)

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