Giving a Child A Better Life?

Possum

No - not in all cases.
Maybe in some - but certainly not all.
Adoption gives the child a DIFFERENT life than the one that he/she would have lived with his bio family.
And as with all lives - it can still turn out good, bad - and everything in between - just like it does for non-adopted peeps.

Hmmm - perhaps people think they have psychic abilities???
.

PhilM

No one can know.

The problem is very complicated. In some cases, if things have gone horribly wrong, and the child has been abused or already in the foster care system, obviously adoption gives him or her a better CHANCE.

But in most cases, we may try to make predictions, but we can never know. The reason is pretty straightforward: we'll never know what the other option really holds. We only know the outcome of the choices we do make; the road not taken is always a mystery, a great source of "what if?" We can never know what may have happened. Only what did.

I would say that the question shouldn't be "would my child be better off being adopted?" It's always possible that a child would be better off being adopted. Rather than trying to answer that completely unanswerable question, the parents should be asking, "can I raise this child?" If so, then that's what they should do. If parents had to answer, "would my child be better off with other parents?", then we'd have even more adoptions, since it's always possible that the child would be better off.

amyburt40

I think it depends upon the individual experience. Some adoptees do have better lives and some don't. We have to recognize the good, the bad and ugly in adoption.

Problem Child

I'd like to address this response:
"If you're broke - still in school, or barely making ends meet for other reasons - then, again, it's reasonable to assume that a family with a home and some financial stability can give a child a better life."

Well, I was broke, in school, unmarried and barely making ends meet when I had my daughter.
Within three years, I had finished my degree, had a solid income, and was married. I think it is reasonable to say that my daughter was completely unaware of her less than perfect home beginnings. All she knows now is that she's lived in good neighborhoods, gone to private schools, has a stable home life with a step Dad that's been there since she can remember, AND she has her very own real biological birth mother raising her.
So, NO, I don't think that it's reasonable to assume that my giving her up for adoption would have given her a better life. And she agrees.

red&sassy

There are never any guarantees in life. You are right, in the fact that many women are told that if the REALLY love their baby, they will give it to a COUPLE (who will probablly divorcee) and be able to give it a nice big house and all the trimmings.

A baby needs the love of it's mother. Life can't get any better than that.

thanhtan

only if the child is at risk, otherwise there should be no need to take the child away from its family and home

Jem

It is hard to say.....parents are screened when they look to adopt so I think that every effort is taken to ensure a healthy and happy upbringing. However I do know friends who were adopted and their families were abusive....you never know. You have to have faith in your choices and that you made the best choices you could with what you had to work with.

I believe in THIS case it really is what your intentions are that truly matter.

eve

That's not a very clear question! Of course, it depends on the two situations -- what the birth family situation is and what the adoptive family situation is. Either could be excellent or awful and there is no way to generalize and be "accurate." I think there are people who give up a child for adoption knowing that they are unable to provide the child with the kind of life they imagine wanting for the child -- emotional stability with loving parents, the financial resources to offer the child opportunities. There is certainly no guarantee of anything. The most you would "know" is what you can and can not offer. You can know if you are woefully uneducated or a drug addict or incredibly poor or immature and unwilling to do what it would take to raise a child. You can know that if you choose a family that has the characteristics that you want in parents for your baby -- that you are likely to find it more from them than from your own situation. Of course you can not know the future and you can not know if you are making the right decision. You can only do your best and make the decision based on the information you have and the way you feel and what you believe. Granted this is a very big decision but, the ability to know the outcome is not any different than with other, less important, decisions.

LaraSue

Sometimes, sometimes not. Each adoption is different, just as each biological family is different. I think that mother's place their children for adoption in the HOPE that their child can have a better life, and I am not talking monetarily.

rachael

you know me and my story. yes i got a better life, but you know as well as i do the stories here show another side.

the answer to your question is "who the hell knows"

children are given up with hopes of a better life, hope they will recieve the education, love, medical care, etc... they need and deserve. but it doesnt always happen like that. its sad, but true

look at communism. it had a great premise, a country ran for the people, by the people. they were all to have their own little slice of it, look what happened. wonderful idea ruined by a group of power hungry idiots.
there is always going to be people to ruin any good thing. welfare, government assistance, the list goes on. the majority have the best of intentions, but a few ruin the whole thing.

no one knows, its a coin toss, but if a persons life is at the point they are questioning raising a child, they need to do some serious soul searching before making a final decision

Only if the adopting parents are good

BPD Wife

No. I do not believe that every adoption gives a child a "better life". However, I do believe there are some cases where that does occur - especially in foster/adopt situations.

For us, I want to hope that our son has a better life because of his adoption and the neglectful situation he came from. But that is his situation and not indicative to all adoptions.

Lillie

Well the child could go to a married couple...that could end up getting a divorce a few years down the road.

The child could go to a couple with a nice house, who make good money...who could end up losing their nice jobs, filing for bankruptcy, and losing that nice house a few years down the road.

The child could go to a nice couple who seem perfectly wonderful on paper; loving, generous, a stay-at-home mom with two older adopted siblings already in the home and a dog in the backyard and an SUV in the driveway...and the mom could end up shaking the baby to death in a few weeks.

OR

The baby could stay with his own mother, and she could finish school after a couple of hard years, then spend the rest of their lives together living a better life once she graduates and gets a good job and makes good money and can afford a nice house.

The baby could stay with his own mother and she could get married in a couple years, get a better job, move to a better neigborhood, improve her situation.

Anything could happen.

My own n-parents married each other 6 months after I was born. They didn't use drugs, they weren't poor or neglectful or losers. I would have been just fine with them. So anything is possible.

mr_and_mrs.x

not all adopted children have better lives than their own parents could of provided for them if given the opt. i live in Michigan and there have been a few children that have lost their lives or have been neglected, and the state said that their parents were fit for adoption. I think that there should be more choices for the people that want to adopt a child, as well as the women or couples giving up a child for adoption.
I have had a couple of friends that gave up their children when were t teenagers, and they have moved on with life. But one friend tried to give her child up, and the adoptive parents were furious calling her names and saying she was in moral. Good thing she didn't give her baby to those folks, but then again i can understand them being upset. Adoption to me is a rat race that is good and bad. Just my opinion and i have seen adoption and saw pain and joy from both parties of the adoption.

LaurieDB

The idea that adoption will give a child a better life is based on a handful of hope. I've heard natural parents later say the words, "I TRUSTED them!" after their relinquished children were abused by their adoptive families, or ended up being raised in alcoholic homes.

Adoptive parents are flesh and blood PEOPLE. My very good friend who is adopted tells of how her wealthy adoptive parents would come home from parties so intoxicated that they were unable to drive the babysitter home (after being dropped of from the party via limousine.) Her father used to take her in the car, set her on his lap and have her steer the car because his drunkenness made it such that he could not do it. This wasn't a one or two time event. It was most weekends. I'll bet THAT left a great impression on the sitter! My friend was also mainly raised by nannies. For people who wanted a child that badly, you'd think they'd have chosen to be around more often.

Later in life she entered into counseling to help herself deal with her parents' alcoholism. At one session, the therapist had the parents attend. My friend told them she would have to distance herself from them if they continued to drink, as it was having such a bad effect on her. Instead of choosing their daughter, they flat out told her they were going to continue to drink, anyway.

These are the very sorts of people that everyone agrees should have their children taken away by the state, not approved to adopt! My friend is not alone. Just because someone adopts doesn't make them immune from the human condition. Sadly, the human condition can include some unhealthy and abusive behaviours.

Being relinquished and subsequently adopted gives a child a different life, but because people are people, there's no guarantee whatsoever of a better life.

As for the idea that adoptive families would be better because the really, really wanted a child is flawed, as well. Plenty of natural parents have dreamed of the day they would have children, have planned for it and are thrilled when the day finally comes that they have them. These people may or may not turn out to be good parents, as well.

Just like natural parents, there are good adoptive parents, adequate ones, and downright lousy ones.

The best someone can hope for is an OPPORTUNITY for a better life when they relinquish to adoption, and the knowledge that the real guarantee is that is will be a different life. Yes, we would all love to believe that when parents make the drastic decision to relinquish their own flesh and blood that it is going to give the child a better life. To think otherwise is painful, but it is a realistic possibility, just as it is in natural families.

cruzgirlz3

Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't. But it is the mother's choice to weigh her options and, based on her current situation, make the decision that she believes is best for the child's future. We do this for our kids on a daily basis, sometimes we are right, sometimes we are wrong. The fact that we are wrong doesn't mean we didn't make the very best possible decision at the time.

Wundt

What is the question here?

Of course it isn't true in every case. But, consider, adoptive parents generally have to go through a process before they can adopt. They have the show they are stable emotionally and financially. There is no such test for birth parents.

karen m

There is no way of confirming that adoption will give a child a better life. Just like there's no guarantee that biological children will have a good life. People are all different, there are good people, and there are bad people. I can say that the children I've adopted will definitely have a better life, free from drugs, abuse and neglect!! Only the adoptive parents can make sure the child has a better life!!

Verity

It's all about choosing the most likely outcome.

If you're not in a stable relationship, then it is reasonable to assume that a happily married couple would give your child a better life.

If you're broke - still in school, or barely making ends meet for other reasons - then, again, it's reasonable to assume that a family with a home and some financial stability can give a child a better life.

And so on and so forth ... it's about opportunities. Do some young, poor single moms do okay? Of course. But many of them struggle, and their children suffer for it.

If the odds are against you, you need to carefully evaluate whether or not you can raise a child without a partner, an income and the other things that we owe our children.

And, if the answer is no, then you owe it to your child to give them a chance at a better life - even if you can't guarantee that it will work out any better.

tenno1234

You are right the assumption seems somewhat premature and too general and there are examples of adopted children who did not fare well. But consider:
1. The same is true for any form of parenting. Parents mostly try to give it their best shot when bringing up their children but there is no guarantee that the child will be happy/healthy/well-adjusted. So really the risk of failure is not limited to adoption.
2. Adopted children often come from extremely unfavourable conditions, often lacking parents, so the act of adoption in many cases is the gift of life. But then again, any form of parenting is giving the gift of life to a child.

I would conclude that I think that adoption is not the solution for solving problems in economically underdeveloped countries even though it usually undertaken with the best and most noblest of intention: One human being saving the life of another.

Stephanie D

Well if you know you cant feed, cloth, shelter a child you can be sure you cant give it a great life. So someone who could at least do this would be an improvement.

School Nurse

You can't say is it true in ALL cases because we know that nothing is ALWAYS true. We don't know for sure what percentage of adoptive children are or will be better off because no one has a crystal ball to see the future. I think that MOST adoptive kids have a happy life and feel very loved by their adoptive family because they ARE very loved. Adoptive families CHOOSE to parent and have to become parents the hard way--many times at great expense and waiting many years for the oportunity.
If a girl or woman finds herself in an unwanted pregnancy and knows that she does not want to parent, then I am sure that the child will be happier and have a better life adopted than being with a mother who does not want to parent.

Shelly P. Tofu, E.M.T.

Well #1.. it DOES give them a LIFE.. as opposed to abortion, which is almost always selfishness (I said ALMOST.. so don't start talking about this and that situation.) I mean.. why abort because of a "maybe" ("maybe the child will have an aweful adoption experience")

My brother and his wife are 30 and 29.. have a good secure marriage, and my brother has the capability of making hundreds of dollars an hour if he wanted.. Should they have aborted either of their much-desired children because MAYBE (you never know!!) they could both die in a car accident while someone else was watching the baby, and the baby could end up in a horrible foster or adoption situation. Where do you draw the line with predicting a child's future?

Anyway.. have to get my rant in when I can..

Adoption is rarely superior to the child being raised by it's birth mother.. but I say that it's absolutely ALWAYS superior to abortion.. If a girl thought abortion was her only way.. and she could NOT keep the baby.. no matter how much people tried to offer help or say she COULD make it.. I would absolutely be encouraging adoption, begging her not to abort..

Not all adoptions turn out well (as some of the people on this forum are always eager to make us aware of) and there needs to be NO pressuring a pregnant woman into that, and there needs to be MAJOR reforms.. but that doesn't mean that it's not better than abortion..

william

75 % may be better. or better than before.the one who gave may has some problem & the one who take will have some good reasons .......

Alisa A

in most cases, absolutely! they go through more homestudies than bios have to. one poster hit it on the head -- if you can't support them and a family can, then yup. If you're not stable and have had several evictions over hte last year, absolutely. the list goes on and on.

sure some adoptions don't work out . . . but look at how many bios don't work out (just look at your foster care stats to figure that one out) . . .

gemini

In most cases yes because the adoptive parents can't have children themselves usually due to womens medical conditions and want a child so badly. Some adoptions let you pick out the parents that you feel are suited best for your child. You would get to screen them and see if they are suitable.

Alexandra

Depending on the situation... But most likely the parents won't treat their adopted children as well as their biological children.

xtina

YES!!!

nae94

i think its good to adopt because u are changin a child's life i think its so good.no offense but these white people are takin these kids and not showin them the good in life these kids are going through so much and for them to go in a stranger house and they feel un appreciated its not cool at all so i think adoption is good and every child needs a better life i hoped i help bye!!!!!

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