Good news my sister is interested adopting my my unborn?

mom of many

it would work... for you and your sister...but is that fair to the child to never know who his birth mom is?

magic pointe shoes

No. Everyone around you knows you are pregnant. Everyone around your sister knows she is not pregnant. Someone at some point will tell your child the truth and it won't be you or your sister. Absolutely terrible. It's also the ultimate betrayal of your child's fundamental right to know from whom he comes from.

What does the father of your child say about this plan?

Still Me

Uh, everyone maybe except for.....the child!

This is just wrong. Every child deserves to know who they are, who they came from. It is a very basic truth. When we don't have this truth, we spend our lives searching for it.

From your posts, I would have to say, in the best interest of your child, rethink adoption through an agency that has totally committed, approved and educated adoptive parents. Give this kid a chance.

Just my perspective......

Angela R

This definetly does not sound like it's in the best interest of the child, and would lead me to believe that your sister sees adoption as a "shameful secret".

Also, these things tend to eventually come out into the open, and how do you think he would feel if he found out as an adult that not only was he adopted, but that he's been lied to his whole life.

If you choose to place him for adoption please find a family who is comfortable with adoption, and will allow him to know the truth of his adoption story, and feel good about himself.

Sarah

No, it's wrong. Even if you and the rest of your family could somehow deal with the guilt of a HUMONGOUS lie, it would never, ever, be the right thing to do to your child. Please choose another family.

c r

No matter how hard you try someone will let the adoption info slip. Just think of one of your cousins speaking in front of their child whom they think is not listening and that child talks to your child/nephew/neice. It can come from the tiniest mispoken sentance.
Also when the doctors do a family medical history it is next ot impossible not to have to say something that may tweek the child's curiosity.
Perhaps you and your sister can explain to the child from the get go that you felt she (and I presume her husband) could do a better job of being a parent and that your families customs would allow her to be the mother while you were still able to be an important part of his/her life and thus bring no shame upon the family. If the child knows this from the get go and you are a loving part of it's life the child should not suffer the anxiety of rejection that many adoptees deal with. If raised with the same true respect for family customs he/she may even find that you did a noble thing for the whole family and thus respect you and your decision.
Work out the ground rules with your sister (and brother-in-law) in advance. As a lawyer you know that there are many topics such as education, housing, money, etc (talk to a divorce lawyer to look at the topics they deal with) that you should talk about. Find the defining line between loving Aunt that you will be and the Mom that you will always be too. You will have no say as Mom...it will be as aunt.
Have a document drawn up stating that should your sister and brother-in-law die while the child is a minor that you are to be guardian and then reasume your role as mother legally.
Please don't try to lie to the child, my inlaws did to my husband and after a family member let something slip he confronted his (crying) mother for the truth (at 27 years old) and it devistated him.

Kelsey H

There's nothing wrong with having your sister adopt your child, and an aunt-type relationship with him or her would not be inappropriate. BUT-- I do feel that your child needs to be told the truth as soon as he or she is old enough to understand. After all, it will come to light sooner or later.

gen. patton

and what will you do with the next one? do you have enough sisters? are you the baby machine of the family? that poor child will grow thinking he/she has a normal family, until your conscience eats away at you year after year, and you drop the bomb, because you can't hide it any more. you need help.
mark my words, you will see things you don't like, in the raising of that child, and the game will unravel.
i pitty you and that child.

MICHIGANMOMMY

NO! Why should an innocent baby be brought into a faimily of liars... WHO is going to teach this child to be truthful.The child will find out sooner then later. The baby should know from the beginning who its birth mother is.How would you like it now if your mother told you your aunt was your birthmother.. thats a shocker..1st question why did you lie to me all my life.Parents have responsibilities to be truthful to there children ignorance is not bliss!

Susan K

No, this is a terrible idea. The child deserves to know the truth. This type of lie will create a very dysfunctional situation for everyone. This happened to someone I know and when she finally found out, she was DEVASTATED. Don't do it!

wild thing

sweetie, the truth will always come out. please don't lie to the child. we know of three adoptions just in our small circle of family and friends - the first male was never told he was adopted and he found out when a visiting relative spilled the beans. sadly he took the news badly, left home, and has never seen his adopted family since, its been 30 years since he left. that tiny little lie caused such heart ache in his family.
-second male, never knew 'til his adopted mother in a moment of anger 'wished she could send him back to his real mother'. he was devastated. the wound has never healed but he has stayed in the family circle - the only difference is he is on the outside looking in. its very sad.
the third - adopted parents told their new son his own special bedtime story every night - a story about how his mum loved him so much that she couldn't bear to see him do without things she couldn't give him - time, love, attention, family life, education, etc. he has grown up knowing his parents adopted him and he is secure in the knowledge that not only they loved him, but 'she' loves him too.
please don't lie to the child, tell him the truth. if your sister wants to base her entire life and her full relationship with a child on a lie then she isn't thinking clearly and you need to re-evaluate who you allow to adopt this child.
the truth will always come out - accidently, or in the heat of the moment, or if medical issues come up, any one of a thousand scenarios come to mind. and they all will hurt this child when he finds out the truth!

god bless you and your little one!
take good care!

saracatheryn

Probably not very well. I think it will be difficult for you to keep up with the charade, not to mention, of course the child will learn one day the truth and probably resent you all for lying to him/her. There is nothing wrong with adoption. You all need to teach the child that from the start, otherwise when they do learn the truth (and they deserve to and eventually will) he/she won't think it was because of something he/she did wrong. Find a biography on Jack Nicholson who learned the truth once he was middle aged. Perhaps you would do better putting your child up for adoption outside of your own home.

ladybmw1218

No it will not "work out" for all of you. Lies and deception have a way of coming into the open, no matter how hard people try to keep the secret, and hurting everybody involved. The child has the most chance of being terribly hurt and would have no reason to trust anyone in her family.

This is a horrible idea.

Erin L

Your child has the right to know who his or her birthparents are. Your plan will end up being incredibly hurtful to all involved.

mamaac43

Nope, I sure dont. You are always going to want a part in that babies life and you will interfer rather you mean to or not. I adopted a child and let the mother keep contact and I'll tell you if I had it to do all over I would have made her break the contact. It was trouble from day one.
Maybe you are someone who can keep your mouth shut but if my child needed me I sure couldnt.

Miz D

Yes, if your sister will be a good mother then I think this plan could work out for all of your family. You will be able to continue seeing your child and will get a chance for hugs and kisses as the "aunt." My only concern is the time will come when your child will need to know the truth about its real birth mother. Why not allow the baby to grow up knowing the truth? It's not shameful, it's a very loving decision for everyone concerned.

â˜ºâ™¥Justusâ™¥â˜º

No,cuz it seems as though you are already emotionally tied to the child.I didnt understand the question the first time

It's going to be hard no matter what, but if it's a decision based on what's good for your child, do what is best for him/her. Do what will give your baby the better life, especially if there is someone who is willing to give a better life to your baby.

capricornmommy

i think it sounds great b/c at least this way you can see the baby all you want and be just as close to the baby as you would like. i would take the offer if adoption is the route you are wanting to take. it dont get much better as far as adoption goes. congrats and i think god is on your side.

â™¥Bubblesâ™¥

Well if that is what u think is best and its a good thing that yourkeeping the baby in the family

çµç¸ Heemei

That would out better than giving your child away to some strangers, at theast this way you get to see and play with your child and someone else take care of it, it could not end up with anything better than this...

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