Has anyone ever given thier baby up for adoption?

I am currently a mother of three.I am having another baby soon. I am getting my tubes tied right after.This pregnancy was not planned but I guess when you stop taking birth control you know what you are headed for.My boyfriend is against abortion so we decided in the beginning that adoption would be best. My kids kinda have a idea that I am pregnant but I haven't gained much weight so they don't really pay much attention to my small bump.well my due date is around the corner and I haven't talked to a single agency.MY bf's family won't leave me alone and they all want it. I want to just curse them out because I am really feeling violated by their way of so called helping.I am not 100% sure I even want to let my baby go anymore now that I have gotten to know her inside me.I thought it would be easy in the beginning but my mind has changed alittle
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my bf said he has not changed his mind and he wants to talk to his family about doing it, but if it was a boy which it is not he would never think about giving him up. Is this something anyone has faced. Are there women out there who have given there baby up for adoption. Is it better to do it with family? I can't afford another child, another mouth to feed will make a difference and I don't want to rely on the system anymore for help raising my children. I am ashamed now that I am not able to provide for them what they need. I just moved from upstate NY in September hoping for a fresh start to NYC and i have done nothing but bring my problems with me. Another child would keep me out of work again and another part of my life will change. It is hard with 3 already that I can't afford. I love them to death. Let's face it love don't do it all. they don't understand why they can't have what the other kids have.

tish

"I am not 100% sure I even want to let my baby go anymore now that I have gotten to know her inside me.I thought it would be easy in the beginning but my mind has changed alittle."

that's what usually happens. in the begining, the baby is simply a concept. the longer you are pregnant, she becomes real. if you are the least bit unsure, i'd SERIOUSLY SUGGEST YOU NOT DO IT. i was in the same boat, until about 2-3 weeks before i delivered.

"if it was a boy which it is not he would never think about giving him up."

isn't it a bit ironic that his love for your children is gender-specific? i also find it sad that HE seems to be the one making the decisions for your reproductive health. "he's against abortion..if the baby is a boy, he wouldn't give it up..."

my suggestion: dump the boyfriend and raise your child. also, your kids KNOW you are pregnant. you'd be surprised to know what kids are aware of.

ps. tell your bf's family to go to hell... seriously.

good luck.

ps... i always find it amazing that people who have NEVER GIVEN BIRTH are so damn sure they know what pfmoms will experience! i mean good lord!

ETA: email mamakate.. as andraya wrote, she relinquished an infant and know the drama involved. the rest asking you to contact them...no comment.

ETA2: many mothers have raised children with modest incomes. please do not allow your finances to make you give up your children. there are many programs and agencies that can help you with daycare, foodstamps, clothing/books/toys for your kids. et al.

i just packed up a ton of girl baby clothes (i just had a boy, and don't plan on having any more) and wouldn't mind shipping them to you (or a post office) if you need them. in other words, there are too many ways to keep your baby. and many others who are willing to help you...without taking her away from you.

MamaKate

Dear Blue,

I am a First Mom and will be happy to talk to you and/or answer any questions you may have. If I can help you, please, don't hesitate to e-mail me.

snowwillow20

You don't want to give your baby up, do you? Don't do it. Don't let your boyfriend or his family bully you. If you are going to give her to his family, then you will be able to see her, but she won't be yours. This is incredibly sad. You are going to regret giving her up, eventually. The fact that your bf wouldn't give the baby up if she was a he, doesn't say anything good about his character or how he values women.
You have 3 kids and 1 on the way, if you give your daughter up, be prepared in the future, when she says "why did you keep the first 3 and not ME". "Wasn't I good enough to keep". It's a hard question to answer and no answer you can give will be good enough. Once you do it, you can't say "changed my mind". It's final. Be prepared for bouts of depression.

Andraya

First and foremost DO NOT engage the people who will be emailing you for your child. There are serious nutjobs around here who will do and say damn near anything to get their hands on a newborn, use that delete button!

Secondly talk to Mama Kate. She is one of the most level headed and compassionate people here and has experience with relinquishing a child and the emotions involved.

I am a first mom but my son was older so I know little about placing a newborn. I do know that the pain follows you around like a big, black cloud. If you aren't 100% sure then don't do it, period. I can't even describe the turmoil I face every single day without my son.

Jolie F

Just remember that if you do give the baby to your bf's family, you are still surrendering your rights to the child. The aparents are in no way obligated to tell the child about who you really are. Be sure you are aware of this. They may promise you the moon, but when it comes time, they may opt out of telling her. That's what happened to my birth family.

darnianlow

I was adopted out, 19 years ago, and it sounds like it's really the best choice for you right now. Naturally it will be hard to give up your baby, but you'll feel much better if you get to know the family you're giving her away to before-hand. One thing I'll stress is that you should keep in contact with the family, and at least let your daughter know who you are and why she was given up, a luxury I didn't have.

sizesmith

Just a little advice: Keep the adoption as an open adoption for all parties involved. Even though the term open adoption means legally that the paperwork is open, you really need to be sure that the people who adopt your baby will truly be open to you being able to visit in the future, and for the kids to keep some contact.

Placing a child is the hardest, most life changing thing that a mother can face. For you, it's like a no-win situation, any way you go. My prayers are with you, and the only other thing to say is, make sure that whatever you do is what you believe is best for the baby, not yourself.

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