Has anyone had a bad experience with closed or open adoptions? PLEASE ANYTHING WILL HELP!!!!!?

sk8ermom

We have a pretty bad experience with my oldest 2 boys' mother. They are now 10 and 12. When they were little she would tell them that she was comming to see them and then not show up....going to send a bunch of Christmas presents, sends none.....all kinds of broken promises. Then we went to see her (drove 250 miles) and she wasn't there. We tracked her down and her "husband" let us in. She says (in front of the kids) "oh S**T, they found us." One time my boys face got chewed on by her dog while he was 3 and visiting. He has permantent scars. Eventually she disappeared for 5 years. We got a call from her 2 months ago living in Texas with some new guy. She got on the phone with my 10 year old who hasn't seen her in 6 years or talked to her on the phone in 5 years and keeps referring to herself as Mommy. "Mommy missed you, mommy loves you". Then gets mad when neither child says it back. They don't know who she is! I mean, they know they are adopted and she is their birth mother but they dont "know" her.
I had a long talk with her after that about how I will always love her because I am raising her children but she can't do that too them. We talked about appropriate ways to behave and things to talk about. (when she talked to them, she didn't ask about school or interests at all. She grilled them about if they ever hear from their BF and where is he. poor kids) She took it really well. Anyway, with ground rules set she has called 2 more times (including today) and it went much better. It was definitly worth trying to work it out. The kids only talk for 2 minutes a piece because they don't feel any connection and are generally uninterested but I feel they will appreciate it when they are older. We do what we can to get along and let them know her. We are convinced it is still better than just cutting her out and telling her not to call anymore. I don't force them to talk to her, I just leave it open and they can walk away if they want. It will be their choice when they are older if they want to continue a relationship with her but I don't see it happening. However, not many Bmoms are like this. Most are good responcible caring people. For the most part, open adoptions are much better for the kids and work smoothly.

Our newest daughters BP's live in India. They are great people! I talk to them often and Email pictures and letters every week and videos as I get them. I am about to mail her a mothers day card and some gifts. She has been a great help teaching me about the culture. We are getting Ky's ears pierced next month as part of a Hindu tribal ritual as her parents requested. I absolutly love the arrangment.

Alyssa

Just because it is supposed to ba an open adoption doesnt mean it will stay that way. I gave my daughter up for adoption to close freinds of mine and they made me promises and we signed contracts sayin I could see her whenever and I could take her no more than 48hrs and coulodnt take her out of the state well now I am trying to fight for her back because they wont lert me see her anymore and the adoption hasnt been finalized through the court

twinkle83

I agree that open adoption is the best option if adoption is not avoidable, except in the case where the adopted child has been removed from the parent due to abuse.

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

she wasn't asked to write about the good.

2 bad things that can be found anywhere, i have no birth certificate and no medical history.

Cam

Try this link. It's actually a search right here on Y!A entitled "bad adoption experience". Scroll through all the pages. You'll get a mix of things but are likely to find information you're looking for:

http://answers.yahoo.com/search/search_result;_ylt=Aj6GX30z3xR1mIufgZ9ZKlVq.Bd.;_ylv=3?p=bad+adoption+experience

Heather B

I would recommend the book Growing in the Dark - Adoption secrecy and it's consequences:

http://www.amazon.com/Growing-Dark-Adoption-Secrecy-Consequences/dp/1413444989

Adopted Jane

Open adoptions are NOT a good thing at all. It completely head stuffs all parties involved.
The Biological mother wondering if the door is ever going to be shut in her face, or her child removed from the state or country currently in without her knowledge and she wouldnt have a leg to stand on
The Adoptive Mother wondering whether the child will bond better with her First Mother.
The child wondering why the hell she has two mothers and why the first mother didnt want her fulltime but is happy with a visit now and then

Nope Open Adoptions are just one big head stuff. IMO and not good for anyone

But then nor is any adoption unless its for orphans or abused children

Alyssa's mommy

Crazy thought... why not focus on the GOOD?

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