Has anyone here been a Surrogate Mother?

jacquishields

Hi All, well I am a surrogate mother. I had first babies in 2001 twins for a lady who couldn't carry her own, I then went on to have a baby for someone whose now a very close friend, as she had had cancer and again, couldn't carry her own. I am now carrying a sibling for her first child. I have had IVf treatment for all these children, so genetically their not mine. My own children have thought this marvellous. and have fully supported me in this, along with my hubby family and friends.The bond I feel for these children, is the same as I would my sisters children. I have never considered it 'giving' away, as these children were not created for myself, so were never mine, and you can't give away, what is not yours in the first place? I consider the gift of life to be a gift and feel very privileged that I am able to do this. I am adopted myself, and feel I have not lost anything in life just because I am adopted. The children I have helped bring into this world are loved and wanted. They also know who I am, and that I am 'just' their 'tummy' mummy. I still see these children as I am very good friends with their parents. I buy for their birthdays, as this is the day I brought them into this world.
It's a shame there are some people who are so upfront with their own beliefs, they can't see the good surrogacy brings. Everyone has their own view, it's just a shame others believe their's are right and no others are? were all indivual people, own views, shame some just want theirs heard and wont listen or try and see it from another side. I am with an organisation were support is given. And I have never felt as though I am missing out with rergards support.

goodquestion

I know a couple of women who did it around 8-10 years ago. They are all suffering various medical problems now. (None of which is being paid for by the recipients of their donated eggs.) Being injected with mega-hormones is pretty dangerous...no different than steroid use.

Diva In New York

no i wouldn't ... when i have a baby i am so in love from the start i couldn't hand it off to anyone WHOEVER it is.

Doodlestuff

My sister's relative has been a surrogate three times. While she personally felt rewarded (we think she was just addicted to pregnancy) it had bad consequences for her family and nearly resulted in their divorce and still may (they are separated and he has custody of the kids). Her younger children were traumatized that she gave away the baby. They don't even want to spend time with their mother because they fear she will give them away (currently they are 4 and 8; the two older children had no issues). Wait until your kids are older (say 10 or 12) before considering this option. By then, they will understand what you are doing and that it's not your baby.

Julie R

It is only rewarding for women who somehow manage to be completely detached emotionally from the child they carry. This alone demonstrates a psychologically challenged individual. Some women think they can do this only to find, once the child is born, that they cannot bear to relinquish.

Anyone here ever think they could have an affair with someone without becoming emotionally attached? Ha!

Prenates imprint on their mothers via the amniotic fluid, and they ARE affected by the mother's emotions. If the mother is detached, the prenate experiences psychological abandonment. To lose his/her mother after birth only adds insult to injury.

I know adults who were created via surrogacy and have already sought out their mothers or long to find them. It is an emotional, psychological, chemical and biological longing. It is painfully palpable. Why create a child with the INTENTION of separating him/her from his/her mother? How incredibly abusive,

Joy M

I can't think of anything more unethical in my life.

Even gestational surrogates swap DNA with their host mother, the initial separation has been proven to harm the child.

Surrogacy should be criminalized.

It is child abuse.

Stop thinking about the adult's desires and think of what you would be doing to the child.

SHAME ON YOU.

Possum

I've thought of it in my life - but as I got older - and had my own children - I realised that I couldn't put another child through what I've lived - as an adoptee.

I have a wonderful adoptive family - but they're just not my REAL family. (it's a hard concept for anyone to really understand unless you've been through it really)

Children are hard-wired to want to be with their own mothers.

Do a heap of research before you even truly consider this.
There are many articles here for a start - on the development of infants brains before and after birth -

http://lizardchronicles.blogspot.com/

(click on the articles and essays on the left side bar)

Really - there are so many children who really need homes and loving parents - languishing in foster care.

Why create another child that has to suffer pain and loss from separation??

Heather B

no no no

What about the child - does nobody think about what the child will feel?

Sheesh it's all about adults wants and needs. There are going to be some seriously pissed off kids out there in future years

grapesgum

Have never been a surrogate mother and never would consider it. I would not be able to give the child away. I can't answer whether or not it is rewarding. It would not be for me. I doubt that you will be given much support.

You will need to check the law in the state(s) where you and the adoptive parents live regarding surrogacy. Surrogacy is a criminal activity in at least 6 states and in many more states, the surrogacy contract is not enforceable. Meaning, that if the child is born handicapped and the parents who contracted to have you produce the child do not want it, they cannot be forced to take it and you will be responsible for providing for the child or for making it a ward of the state.

I also think that you should do some research on the children born through surrogacy and find out how they fare as they understand their parentage.

blonderosey

I dont really know what i think about this! there is so many kids already in the world parentless! i am 5 months pregnant with my babygirl and my partner and i are so happy but if some1 cant have kids then why not adopt a child thats already here on earth which has no parents?

TANYA 1988

I was seriously considering it for a friend! I was going to do it but my bf didnt want me to. I'd like to think someone could do it for me if it was other way round. I think that I would find it hard to give up the baby tho. have a star on me for thinkin bout helpin others xxx

Indigo

I have thought about it, I have children of my own and I think it would be nice to give a couple a chance to be loving parents to a child but I've also thought that I might get emotionally attached to the unborn baby even knowing that I will have to give him/her up.
It seems like a thoughtful and unselfish thing to do for some one but I guess it is up to the woman who wants to be a Surrogate Mother, more power to her.
I think it is a very noble thing to do, its not an easy decision to make but if it will make you happy and another couple happy then in a way its a win-win situation.
Getting the right kind of support will help you in your decision and I believe there will be great support for women who want to be surrogates.

blue eyes

I am seriously considering it. I have 2 cousins that can't get pregnant, even with fertility drugs. I would LOVE to help them out. I am married and have 2 children of my own. I don't want anymore children for myself and my husband feels the same. I am only 31 and I have many good child bearing years left in me. Why waste it? right?

Props to you if you decide to do it!

pitto

bravo well done its selfless people like you that help women have children i did consider it when i was younger but i still wanted to have my children first then i was to old but if it wasnt for people like you then a lot of couples would go childless so i think youre doing something wonderful so bravo to you make sure you go to a good agency if you do it as there can be some pitfalls and you do need good support

ghetto_princess283

The woman above me must be crazy. I think it would be very rewarding and something I would like to do when I get older. Star for you!

I would do it for my own sister, not for strangers. I can donnate blood, organs, just not my child
Make sure you get money, because pregnancy ruins a women's shape

Nora

not sure what you mean? fostering? i had a foster grandchild and saw her daily and babysat her and taught her to swim and made clothes for her and took her to the Dr when she became ill. Loved her. She was between 16 months and 3 years old at the time, Then the mother married and moved away, I really love her and if ever I could help her in life I would.

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