Has finding out you were adopted screwed you up?

Interested to know if finding out you were adopted screwed your mental state up? I have a friend who found out he was adopted and his parents died without telling him who his real parents were. Although he knew it was someone else within the family, he never found out and now he's really screwed up about it. His dad died in a tragic accident quite a while ago now and his mum died a couple of years ago. As far as I can tell it wasn't an official adoption either, so theres no paperwork. I think a family member got pregnant by someone who abandoned her, she had the baby but passed it to her married relatives to bring up. Because they were the same age, no one made comment about it. It was hushed up and the family never spoke about it. No one is admitting anything and he's running out of people to ask. Most of his aunts and uncles who might have known are dead and if anyone else knows they are not saying anything. Has anyone had the same experience and how did you reconcile it, or did you?

Lillie

I was told at a really, really young age...so young I can't even remember NOT knowing. So I don't think it has screwed me up per se, outside of the normal "why didn't my mother want me" and "doesn't she love me" and all the baggage that goes along with being given away.

But I know a few "Late Discovery Adoptees" who don't find out until much later in life, and most of them do seem to take it much harder. I can't speak for all of them but I think that by not telling someone they are adopted, or waiting until they are older is very damaging to the adopted person. From what I've seen in my "LDA" friends, anyway, the fallout it much worse than those of us who have known since we were little.

I hope your friend can find some help and healing in coming to terms with his adoption. So sorry nobody thought to tell him what he had a right to know all along.

Temperance

My parents didn't tell me. I found out myself at the age of four. I am pretty smart like that, but it doesn't take a genius to put two and two together. There were differences in age, big ones. I resemble no one in my family. And of course the scar on my hand that is so hush hush in my family. The scar from my mother. The one who threw her own infant one the floor. The one who didn't feed me. The one who hit me. Sure it tears me apart when people ask about it. Sure my life is screwed up. Finding out made my life easy until now when I look at the perfect families. I could blame my past for my screw balled mind, and I do, but I accept it.

Kelly s

I don't know. It was told to my brother early that though we are his family he had someone who gave birth to him. He wasn't messed up though. I think though he says he doesn't want to know, a part of him wants to see his birth parents. He says he wants to know his medical history and that's it. We would support him 100 percent of the way. I think he has tried to follow up but didn't get anywhere. To me, it would seem like a part of you would always want to know. My mom and dad wanted to be up front and honest. He was given up at birth. Mom and dad were there when the person gave their child up for adoption. My brother is and always will be my brother. I don't think he ever once thought of us other than his real family. But, most of us want to know who we came from. It's only normal.

Mei-Ling

Nope!

Although I did wonder that I was so "special" - why I wasn't "worthy enough" to be kept by my Mama.

34 weeks with Evan Alexanderâ™¥

The short answer is no.

I was better off adopted.

SJM

Finding out I was adopted didn't shock me. I was too young to really understand what it meant. But when I was about 4, I learned that not all babies come from the adoption agency, and that messed with my head a little bit.

I did have a friend in high school who didn't know she was adopted. I actually knew before she did, and I think that's very, very wrong. Her dad died when she was fairly young. It was after the death of her mother that this all surfaced. Another one of my friends was married to her brother, and her siblings were trying to decide when and how to tell her that one of her brothers was really her father.

She was about 30 when she was told. She had moved away by the time this came to light, so I'm not sure how she took it.

if it was not offical his mother should be on his birth certificate

kateiskate

No. I knew I was adopted since as far back as I can remember. It would have been hard to hide that fact from me since I am asian and my entire family is white.

M.G.

I did not have any such experience but honestly speaking , does it matter so much who the real parents were when they gave him away due to any valid or invalid reason. If his foster parents loved him and cared for him then he should be happy that he was just not abandoned on the streets or to an orphanage. He could even have got a home where he was not loved but that's not the case so he should just worry about how to improve his future and should not screw his present life because of what happened in the past. And suppose if he finds his real parents, then also maybe they r not in an position to accept him or their past mistakes.

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