Have you adopted a child?

*Lexie*

I was adopted, and I can tell you that the child may feel very different from teh brothers/sisters.
I have 2 sisters and 1 brother. My brother is a blood realation to our parents, the rest of us were adopted. My parents never treated any of us any differently, we all got the same treatment and the same amount of love. However, it's impossible for that one barrier to be sealed. There's always this thing there. My parents don't feel it I don't think, but I know my sisters and I have discussed it and we can all sense it. Theres a feeling that they love him more than us, and that we are second best to him. It's not true, and our parents love us all the same, but it's something that will never go. It's nobody's fault, it's just the nature of being in a family like this.
I was the first child my parents adopted, then it was my two sisters, then my brother was born. After years of trying the fertillity treatment finally worked for my parents; leading to the birth of my brother. However because they had him after they adopted us, it left me with a feeling that none of us were good enough for them, they needed a child of there own, and none of us could ever fill that void. If my brother had been born before I had been adopted, I think that my feelings would be dramaticlly different. Not only would I not have been adfopted into my family, but also it wouldn't feel like we were'nt good enough.
It doesn't affect me to much, just at certain times, like when we look at baby pics, and my Mom's pregnant with my brother, it just feels like, she loves him so much more.
My parents treat us all the same but no matter what they do, there's always going to be that void that can never be filled.

I was as honest!! :)

Becca

I had two bio children before adopting and their is no difference is the amount of love I have for each of them.
Our adopted child is treated different in some ways such as when she is having an issue due to attachment or abandonment issues. I have spent more time carrying her than I did our bio children. I am giving her time on giving up her bottle cause I realize it is a comfort item to her and she has suffered enough losses in her short life.
So even though there are differences, my love for her is just as strong as with my bio kids.

5littlemonkeys

My husband had the same fear when we started the adoption process. He already had a daughter from his first marriage.
If you asked him today who his favorite was it would definitely be our son whom is adopted.
He was also afraid to parent a boy since he only had experience with a girl. Now all he want is more boys.
He worried about loving the second as much as the first then the third as much as the second etc.
Everyone worries Looking back in a few years you won't believe the things you were stressing about.

tickled blue

It is perfectly natural that you think you will feel this way, but most people quickly realize that it is simply not the case and they bond with the child relatively quickly. I personally have always been on the same page as my husband and, though he had no intention on adopting until we met, he got on board soon afterwards and we have a beautiful 14 month old now. I couldn't love him more if he were birthed by me. He doesn't look like me and I am sure there will be many differences as he grows, but I don't think our looks and personalities make up a 'perfect' child....I think that thankfully he didn't have to get our noses or my hair, etc...hehe.
I think you need to wait a bit and think about what you want to be as a father and if you can handle the idea of raising a child who is not biologically yours. I would also suggest that you try foster to adoption, through your local Child Protective Services. Not only will it make you a better and more patient parent....it will also prepare you to be an adoptive father. It will place a child with you that needs to temporarily be away from their own home....and you can see how different you feel/act towards this child. If you find yourself loving the experience, you can try to adopt the child if he becomes available....and if you don't love the experience or think you can't handle it, you are not obligated to keep the child in your home forever.....though you want to be sensitive to the child's needs in every way!
Just a thought: your 2 children...are they not different? Do they not have their own individual quirks? One of them may look or act just like you, while the other is completely different. I see many biological parents who clearly show favoritism to one child over another--which is so wrong. If you can look at your own children and see that they are different from you and make mistakes and have good days and bad days, yet you still love them.....then I think that an adoptive child would be no different. It's just different blood, the relationship you make with your children is far greater than how they came to be your children.

Jennifer L

We adopted two children and had a biological child prior to the adoption. Loving our adopted children was never an issue for us. Each of our children are unique individuals and bring their own personalities, likes, dislikes, quirks, etc to the family.

It's hard to parent children exactly the same, however. Adopted children (especially older adopted children) have emotional needs that generally your biological children won't have. My best advice is to parent to the child, not to the age, or how you parented your biological child at that age, etc. My three children have three very different personalities and we've had to adjust our parenting strategies accordingly.

Billy g.

Do you think it is possible not to love an adopted as much as you bio children?After all love is supposed to be the number 1 reason for adoption.
Love isn't something you can measure in quantity or quality.It is just a feeling,an automatic feeling.Do you have to tell your wife and kids you love them or do they automaticly know that you do.I'm sure you actually say the words now and then because they are nice to hear,but you are actually telling them something they already know,right?
You either love someone or you don't.It is that simple.
If one of your kids is bad,do you love them less until they are good again?Of course not

I am 14 years old and was adopted by my parents when i was 12.They have bio sons ages 19 and 16 now.My parents don't love me more or less than them,they just love me,period.
They ground me when i am bad,reward me when i am good and love me all the time.My brothers pick on me and tease me but they also love me,protect me,and make me feel like the luckiest sister in the world.
My parents don't introduce me as their"adopted"daughter,i am Crystal,their daughter.

I hope this helps you understand that a child like myself just wants to be loved more than anything else.The fact that you are worried about this is a good sign.because it shows you care.Trust me you will do fine and see that a loved one is a loved one,period.

Crystal

Heather Leigh

My youngest child was adopted through Foster Care. He has been through alot for someone so young. I sometimes worry that I show favoritism towards him over my bio children because of all he has been through. My oldest have never known what it is like to not have a parents unconditional love. My youngest has not only had his original parents let him down, he has also been in other foster homes where he was abused.

Do I love him more than my other children, no, but I admire him for being so much stronger than my other kids. He has over come so much that he is truly my hero.

Renee King

My husband understands your fear. He has children from a previous marriage and when we took custody of our son and started the bonding/adoption process we would talk into the wee hours of the night.

At first he was afraid of the thought of another child before our son came, he was worried there would not be a bond or how his other kids would feel. But the truth is, the first night our son came to us (at 15 months), he stood up on my husband's lap and after about an hour our son looked at him straight in the face and said "da da, da da, DA DA DA DA". Mind you we were in the middle of a church service. But at that point I looked at my husband and his heart and worries just melted away.

He loves all his children but now struggles with the fact of how much he loves our son. He gets the honor of being with our son everyday and their love and bond grows deeper while his other children live with their mother three hours away and we get them every other weekend. He will admit and knows he is closer to our son and so he struggles now with how his other children feel. But they all know he loves them and that he is doing the best he can.

So do not fret, the minute you see that child, you will know in your heart, that the child is yours. All you can do is love each child.

HARRISON

Absolutely, you will love your adopted child like your own. I have a biological child and we adopted a son almost 17 yrs ago. It was the best decision to adopt our son. There is a saying of an adoptive mother: "Not born under my heart, but in it".
My son read your question and said: He knows, we love him, without a doubt.
As far as treating them differently, not at all...When they placed him in my arms...the tears of joy were unstoppable.
Good Luck

Sonia V

Let me be very honest, you have to be there to know, we have 4 boys and adopted 8 weeks old baby, she is now 19 months and we adored her and my boys since she came home they call her my sister and present her with friends as their little sister, and my husband I asked him same question, and told me the love is the same or may be stronger because the way she came home, and for me I loved her so much, it feels like a gave birth to her. so yes you can love an adopted child like you own. I thank God averyday for my 5 children.

m'smama

I can't speak from personal experience, as we only have one child, who happens to be adopted. But we have friends who had 4 biological children, and adopted a child when their youngest was about 12. They were foster parents, had many children come through their home prior to this one, but they said they felt differently about him (than the other foster children they'd had) right from the start. They hadn't gone into being foster parents with the intention of adopting, but when this child came along, they just felt in their hearts that child was meant to be a part of their family permanently.

The father of this family told me that he wondered at first too if he could love an adopted child as much, and in the same way, as his biological children. But he smiled and said, "it's truly amazing, and just proves to me that this was all God's idea, but sometimes I honestly forget that he's adopted - I love him EXACTLY the same as my other children. There's no difference!"

Best wishes to you and your wife in your adoption journey!

Tam

We love all of our children the same. In fact, they have each taken center stage with our attention at different times. Our oldest excelled in Chorus and School Musicals, our middle child (adopted) excels in sports and plays different sports throughout the year and our youngest is into karate and wants to be a rock star. They are all individuals and are treated as such. We really don't love them more or less based on adoption or biological beginnings. I would recommend asking a local adoption agency for families that would be willing to meet with you and share their stories. A good agency will not have a problem with your doing so. Best wishes.

Danielle<33

okayy well im am 14 and i am the oldest of 14 children and my mother is having qauds in 2 days so i will be the oldest of 18. and we are all her bllod children but.... we are in the process of adoping a set a of twins!!! i no it sounds crazy but its in the family to have alot of kids were italian. and my fater was saying the same thing that he might love us more then them and my mom was like no! you will learn to love them the same basecuse you wil live with them so long that they will love you and you will love them dont worry about it im sre yo will make a great father to adopted children =)

and yea we have been asked to have our own tv show we said no cuase we dont want the pubbblicity- i said that so dont htink im lieing, cause most people dp thinki im lieing.

Bristol City Got Klass

ah hell tuh duh no

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