Have you forgiven your birth mother?

Adoptee 4931

Ollieo,

I was angry at her promiscuity.
I was angry over her failure to accept responsibility.
I am angry at her for finding me and expecting a relationship.

I am thankful she gave me up and did not abort me as she could have easily in 1981. Not until the recent birth of my first child did I understand the sacrifice she made. I am most thankful for the sacra fices my mom and dad made while I was growing up. I was lucky I was adopted when I was two months old and had wonderful parents.

cheetahgirl91982

I wouldnt say that I am angry with my birthmother. I have never met my birthmother and I am adopted. I would be very interested in meeting her but I have no idea where I would start to do that. But def not angry with her.

Laurel J

I know exactly why she did what she did, and I bear her no ill will.

I still get angry sometimes, though. More angry at the world than at her.

Mei-Ling

OllieO, if you had to choose one of the following OR relinquish your child:

A.) Being hung to die?
B.) Being nailed to a cross to die?
C.) Dying via being crushed by a bed of nails?

Which one would you choose? Look, you have OPTIONS! Don't complain to me that you don't have a choice, I gave you three options! I'm being generous! After all, the other scenario is that you would have to relinquish your own child!

You don't REALLY want to die by any of the above options, right? You don't REALLY want to make that "choice" out of the "options" that have been presented?

But oh, if you don't, you'll be drugged and forced to sign the relinquishment papers!

P.S. If you sign the papers, it will be SUCH a noble sacrifice on your part, because CLEARLY there's always someone out there who can do your parenting better than you can, right?

Does that sound insulting? Yeah, thought so.

That's exactly what relinquishing mothers are told. And their options tend to metamorphically be between: death by relinquishment or death by "choice."

But there isn't really a choice to begin with.

ETA: "I am thankful she gave me up and did not abort me as she could have easily in 1981."

I seriously don't understand why people say this. Did your mother actually directly admit to you that she thought about aborting you?

Linny G

I dont think I there is anything to "forgive her" for, Ollie. Ive never been angry with her regarding her surrendering me. I have been angry with the system, though. I have also been confused with her for not being strong enough to tell her other children about me, but not angry. She has since told her raised children about me.

Once I read "The Girls Who Went Away", I understood her more clearly. I understand her decisions and behavior. My n siblings have also read the book and have commented that most her behavior can now be explained. Reading that book helps to explain so much.

The only sacrifice in my adoption was me. Sacrificial lamb, if you will, a forced sacrifice due to the strong armed tactics of society and by the very people who should have supported her decision to keep me.

sam22254

Yes I'm mad at the birth mother she has cause so much damage to her daughter she kept and damage to the child she gave away. She gave him away to get in good with her boyfriends family and not to lose some of her child support she gets for the daughter. You try to explain why the father misses one weekend a month because he wants to see his son. The daughter gets mad because she can't go she would miss a day of school. I can't let my feeling show because that would only hurt my granddaughter and she has gone through enough hurt.Â This mother has had her chance to be a mother to the boy and she chose not to even look at him she has no feeling but I always believe that what comes around goes around one day she will wake up and see what she missed. My grandson doesn't know her as mother and that was her Choice not his or my son's. Do you Blame me for feeling this way?

DevonChaos

I don't know my birth mother, and therefore I don't know her true motivations well enough to feel one way or another about her. My amother doesn't tell me a clear story, and I'm not sure she even knows anything about her. I don't know if she was ever encouraged to keep me. I don't know if she just plain didn't want to parent, or if she felt like she wanted me, but couldn't raise me because of age or economic status.
I know that she must have some feelings toward me, even 30 years later. I don't know what they are, but they are probably quite similar to mine. Curious.
I would have to find out her reasons in order to figure out how I feel. Then I would probably forgive her, because god only knows if we were judged as adults on our actions as teens, (she was 14-16) many of us would be in big trouble.
As other said... I'm not angry with her, but I'm angry with the way things work as far as many adoptions go.

Rowan

there's nothing to forgive, i was never angry. i was hurt that she didn't keep me and my twin brother, and even moreso when i discovered i had a little sister she did keep. AND 2 older half siblings, one of whom i have never met, from my bio dads marriage.

But i've gotten past it a long time ago. She did what she thought she had to do at the time. I got a good life out of it. I dont think shes ever gotten over it though.

reneem1954_2000

I hope my son has, we loved him but couldn't care for him.

wayajasanava

I don't know much about the sacrifice 'cuz I wouldn't call it that. But I have forgiven her, for I can't be fighting with someone or hating her for my whole life. She might have done it for all the wrong reasons, but my adopting family is really kind, so I'm pretty glad with what I have. That doesn't mean I want to see her every second of the day, but I'm not fighting with her

Randy B

I've never felt any hostility or bitterness towards my birth mother so I had nothing to let go of. I'm not sure of why I was placed for adoption and I've never cared to find out. I'm sure it was a sacrifice for them but it was a choice they made and I am sure I've been better off because of it.

mandy

My situation is different. My birth mother did NOT sacrafice for me. We were taken from her, because she was mentally slow and there were maggots in our diapers. I have resentment and hurt and hate towards her. I shouldn't, because its not her fault she was born like that.
However, I am young and gave my son to my older sister to raise when I was 17 and I loved him to death and it was the hardest decision I ever had to make. I hope he realizes the sacrafice and how much I loved and still love him.....

Arcare

I am still angry with her, and I don't think she made that much of a sacrifice

kateiskate

I haven't forgiven her because I don't have anything to forgive her for. How could I forgive someone I don't know? I don't know anything about her. Anything. The only reason I know she even exists is because I know I didn't just fall from the sky.

Sophie

My father is adopted. He has never forgiven his natural mother. His father- who knows.

I FORGIVE MY NATURAL GRANDMOTHER and hope to meet her one day- hopefully, if it's not too late already.

AdoreHim

I have never been angry with her. Why should I be? I know that this answer will be misunderstood by so many, because it has been before, but here it is- I am very thankful to my birth mother. She sacrificed a lot to place me in the arms of another mother and father. She could have sacrificed me- by aborting me. She choose to sacrifice herself for me. I love her, and if and when I would ever see her, I would thank her for her self-less love. How do I know that it was self-less? Because my husband and I adopted 2 children ourselves and met their birth moms. They had friends and family that were pressuring them to abort- and they chose not too.

Dreamweaver ILF posse 2009

Yes. She did what she had to do at the time (1969 35 years old with older children)

There was NEVER a question of her needing forgiveness!!!!

bananarama

yes it tok many years but the older i got the more i understood. Lucky for me i was such a young age she wasnt able to hurt me emotionally just knowing was enough pain for me. But i forgive her 100 percent and am now looking

Pope Erba I

I was never angry, I just came to the happy conclusion that near the end of existance, all the adopted kids will join together to create Adoptimus Prime and we will rule the world.

Independ"ant"

Im sure there are plenty of adoptees trying to forgive their adopters for giving some agency or attorney 20-70,000 dollars that were in it for themselves instead of just helping out their natural mother with a little support so they could have stayed with them.

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