Having a bio child then adopting?

PhilM

Whether you have a bio-kid or not, an adopted child may not feel as though they belong.

I was adopted first, and then my adoptive parents had three bio-children (they were told they couldn't have kids). They treated me well, loved and supported me, and didn't make me feel different. But felt different I did.

Not every adoptee may feel this way, but you have to know that they might. And from what I've seen here (and elsewhere) I don't think there's anything you can do to guarantee that a child you adopt won't feel this way.

Jennifer L

We have a teenage biological son and adopted two younger (school age) children. As I responded in another question, if there was one thing we sorely underestimated, it was the effect that being an instant big brother had on our oldest son.

He was with us through the process, very much supported the adoption, but even after all of the discussions and preparations, the Real Thing was more than he expected.

Our family is doing fine. We have some sibling arguments and our oldest son is learning to be a big brother instead of a third parent. Our younger son idolizes him and he and our daughter have figured out that joining forces to get what you want from Mom and Dad works better than trying it alone! Those two are a pretty formidable tag team, when they want!

So, if I can offer advice from experience, make sure that the biological child has supports on hand before the adoption occurs.

Randy B

Its a perfectly normal way to do things if you want. Personally, my wife and I adopted 15 years ago, because we wanted to and because we were in a situation where we could. Two years later our daughter was born. After that we were unable to have more children and we found out that we shouldn't have been able to have the one we did. (miracles do happen I guess).

Now, with a 15 year old and a 13 year old we have a 2 month old in the house with us who will be adopted as soon as CAS gets the paperwork done to perminantly sever the bio moms rights (long sad story there lemme tell you).

The bottom line is that I have 2 adopted children now and one born to us. One is east Indian, one is white like my wife and I and the third is (non status) First Nations (North American Indian). My kids have experiences growing up in a multi racial, blended family that most kids would never understand. In our case, race and method of arrival into the family mean nothing. We are all members of the same family, no conditions, no qualifiers.

If you want to do that then go for it.

Rina Gene

What I suggest, is not treating either child differently. Don't parent one in a certain way, and the other in another. However, do let the adopted child know they are adopted, just make it like a part of their life. I have a friend who was adopted from china and it's just part of who she is because her parents didn't keep anything from her.

If they still feel like an outsider, just sit them down and let them get everything off their chest.

its perfectly okay. as long as its not in your that its your adopted (son/daughter) and you except them and love them as your biological...questions like this wouldn't even pop into the head.

Harley

We had two sets of twins all girls so when we chose to adopt it was not only because we wanted a boy but we have pleanty of love , we treat him no different and the girls do not treat him different. In fact one of the older twins said he was meant to be her brother he acts just like us. We will tell him when he is old enough to understand. He was Born IN MY HEART!

Proud Mommy of 3!

My husband is a biological child to his family and is older brother and younger sister are adopted. There couldn't be a happier family. Although I hear growing up when they got into trouble they would use being adopted as an excuse. I hear my husband used to say his mom loved them more. This was only when he was trying to get what he wanted. Good luck! There are a lot of children in need of a good home.

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: