Help????????????????????

Sister Girl

I understand your confusion and hurt. I was adopted and never knew my real pop because my birth mother claims she doesn't know where he could be or even dead she says. She has given me the headache and heartache of all times. Sometimes I wish I had never found her. However, there's this burning desire in my heart for us to be on one accord and most of all for her to see inside how much my heart is broken. She doesn't because she is sooo soo selfish and she's a ball of confusion over the past 26 yrs.

I know that you possibly feel the way I feel --- you can't forget and it's easier said than done. When your blood is around, you feel a certain way and I do the same. When I talk to my mother, although she has said some very slight stuff to me, I love her for who she is --- a part of me. You love yourself so it
so natural to be weak to your blood; your heritage.

So, calm down and thank God he is talking to you. Sometimes, things can be awkward when they are new. Don't push (I know you want to because he's your pop) but take your time. Think about what you say and how you say it. My natural mother used the excuse that I was so, so angry to run away again. That hurts because she does it over and over and I come back. So, be calm, don't give him an excuse to run off saying you are angry. Chill. It will work out if it was meant to be. I had no one to tell me this. They just used to tell me my mother didn't love me and that's why she gave me away. Yes, sometimes I feel that she doesn't and then again I feel the opposite sometimes. I'm almost 50 and still confused because natural parents a lot of them, because of guilt I believe and shock, talk in puns that it would take an English class to analyze and then they would get caught by the lunch bell.

Don't listen to a lot of negative things; if you do just listen but watch yourself and pray that he comes around (emotionally and physically). It could possibly happen. Don't give up. I haven't given up on my mother after 26 years because I know that there is a God that let me find her without spending a penny while others spend money and sometimes all their lives. He has brought you this far and you can move on toward a relationship but slowly to protect your feelings and grow in a timely fashion.

Treat him well even if he doesn't want to be bothered or calls you your mother's daughter. Continue to say what you feel in your heart. My mother denies my existence and has a family in which I am not included yet I respect her and although she lies sometimes, I pray for her. She tells me she's not obligated to see me but I pray the more for her; her soul. I don't know what's inside; she said it was traumatic. I can only imagine because I could not have left my daughter even if I had to beg on the corner. I just don't think I could do it and remain sane all these years. She did but it does not always mean that a person doesn't love you that they relate differently. Some of it is embarrassment and the miss of you being grown now instead of a baby in which they can restart.

God Bless You

tish

quite honestly, i think you probably would benefit from counseling to sort out your feelings. very often decision made by adults concerning their children are made without taking into consideration how the kids will feel. personally, i hate secrets. so i commend your mom for being honest with you. but, if you biological father has made no attempts to be in your life, you can't make him. and trying to figure our why he's acting this way will only make you hurt more.

i really understand your confusion, and strongly recommend that you seek some counseling.

good luck.

kuc2215

he is just letting you know that you are a love child, he loves you but was never ready to commit himself into being a true DAD, you have your mom and really thats all you need, i have two children and the fathers are worthless pieces of crap, I chose for him to stay out of my kids life, because it is only better. For you, you have gotten this far without him, do something that makes you happy, focus on where you want to be in your life and take stride, if you keep your mind focused on the important things the pety crap will just go away, you don't need a dead beat father to make you feel accepted if you have faith in yourself.. God Bless.

Sophie

When you say "claim us" do you mean you AND your Mom? He may not want to claim both of you. He is either a scum bag or a shy man who feels awkward about talking to you. Maybe he has to get used to the idea of communications with you.

I've never listened to The Only Child.

Talk to your Mom about your feelings. No matter how old you are you should be able to go to her with your concerns.

Best wishes.

chopper

I'm assuming your biological father had to give up whatever rights he had as a father when you were adopted. It may just be that he doesn't want to step into the role that is already occupied by another man, who, in the eyes of the law, IS your "real" dad (that is, if he was a party to your adoption).

That's not your fault, but I would be ambivalent in his place too. Maybe your Mom doesn't want him trying to be a daddy to you. There may be things going on between the alleged "grownups" in this case that you're unaware of.

I checked out the Jackson Browne lyrics, and they weren't very helpful. Maybe next time, you can ask your father for a better song, because the one he gave you was incomprehensible. Or better yet, tell him that HE, not Jackson Browne, is your father and ask him to explain in his own words. Or at least to explain that song.

Good luck.

Tomayy Temptaition

Well
what i think you should do is.
make a list of important questions you would like to as your dad, and just literally say
" Dad, i have some very important questions i really need your turthful answers on.then ask them.

thats what i recomend you doing. I cant tell you what questions to ask. Or what he'll say as answers.
hope i helped. :)
-Tommy-

Tshirt

Dwelling on it doesnt make it any better. Me and atleast 5 of my friends dont have contact with our dad for various reasons. we dont cry about it. I dont know how old you are but you should really think about forgetting him if hes not interested. Your worth more than him so dont waste your time, trust me i know

Baby_#3_ontheway!

You poor confused little girl.

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