Help me understand what thoughts are behind the anti-adoption viewpoint?

tickled blue

In many cases it is unethical. Often, the money from adoption, if given to the first mother, could completely allow her to care for her own child--this is generally in international cases...as they make far less than we do and could survive and thrive on 30,000-60,000....for a very long time. For example, China's per capita income is 1,740 (US).
But of course, adoptive parents wouldn't give thousands of dollars away....however they would be willing--in many cases--to separate a child from his mother forever simply for the mothers lack of income and resources. <<this is NOT all international adoptions or domestic...it is simply to say that we need to find ways to keep mothers with their children...THAT should be our goal, our primary purpose...but instead, the purpose is to adopt them out and to get paid. Adoption is a booming business...and everyone is raking in money or bringing home babies....a 'wonderful' thing--for everyone except the children and the first parents.
People are paid bonuses--even through state foster care--when they finalize an adoption. NOT when they reunite a child with his mother, but when they terminate those rights and place a child with another family. Children are consistently denied rights to their personal information--birth certificates, medical records, their past, etc. There is NO other US born citizen who is not allowed access to their original BC and medical history.
I could go on.....

I am an adoptive mommy and I try to do my very best to make sure my child has every possible access to his information. I try to make sure that my child and his mother are treated ethically and that no one tries to push us to do something that we wouldn't feel completely comfortable with. I can't 'fix' all of the problems with adoption, but I also can't deny that they exist. It didn't stop me from adopting....it made me be extremely careful in how I went about the process, how I understand my child and his first family, how I relate--and don't reveal--his information to others, how I hold his right to know and his privacy in extremely high regard. When I entered this forum for the first time, I was heckled and shocked at the outraged people who were adoptees and ap's and first parents. Frankly, I had no idea why they were all 'so angry'. Then, I started listening to what they were saying. I used to believe adoption was a wonderful, loving thing to do. I don't think every single adoption that takes place is evil and wrong, I simply think that the majority of them never needed to happen in the first place....but that requires us doing something about the problems....and not just covering it with the band-aid of adoption. These are gaping wounds...serious moral and ethical issues that need to be addressed and changed.

tish

adoption is highly nuanced. and most people have issue with newborn and infant adoption and international adoption. not foster care and *true* orphan adoption.

most people perceive adoption as a "win win" for all. in addition, many believe that all babies placed for adoption were done so because the first mother (i think the term birthmother is very dehumanizing) didn't want the child.

the truth is that although many women enter adoption agreements willingly, many are coerced into relinquishing their children, either through guilt, threats and intimidation. most firstmoms are young and have less education than the people who are telling her what's "best." also, many young women are forced to place their children by parents who don't want to be perceived as "failing to keep their daughter chaste."

furthermore, there is a huge profit-driven motive to adoption that is very slimy. the industry preys on the emotions and desperation of couples who can not have children--for whatever reason...by charging them outrageous sums of money with the promises of a fresh new baby. in order to ensure that adoptions take place, there are people hired as "recruiters" who basically try to locate young, scared pregnant women under the auspices of "helping them with a crisis pregnancy." the bottom line: they need to secure a baby for their paying customer.

also, there is the complete loss of autonomy and disrespect that pregnant women endure. pregnant women are told that they are "selfless" for giving up their children, that another person is more 'worthy'; hence, should simply stay pregnant, birth and disappear into the woodwork. many have their feelings diminshed as "hormonal" and "transient"; and receive no real assistance to deal with their loss.

another issue is the racism in adoption. black, hispanic bi-racial, et al children are often considered "less desired" or "special needs" adoptions, available at a lower cost.

finally, as a woman who endured the backlash of changing my mind, i can tell you that women are not supported at all when they decide to parent. they are told that they are being 'selfish' and not thinking about all the pain the potential adoptive parent will endure. they are reminded that they are not the best choice for their child, are given horrible data on the dismal outcome for children born to single or young mothers and basically guilt-tripped for wanting to raise their child. also, a mother changing her mind is perceived as a scammer, selfish and unfairly causing the adoptive parents a pain the same as a child's death..

i can go on...

basically, there are many many reasons why people have less than stellar veiws of adoption.

Independ"ant"

Go to Unicef.org and read all about it.
They will give you ear or eyeful of information on what is going on with adoption internationally and what agency's or desperate people wanting to adopt won't tell you.

Adoption has taken on a completely different meaning just like the word "orphan" has.

Adoptive parents are contributing to attrocities and too too many don't care.

Just a Mom

It is very hard for me to understand, too. However, through this forum, I have learned that the problem lies in infant adoptions mainly, not foster care.

Mei-Ling

I am not completely anti-adoption. Some here would say I am definitely anti-adoption, others would say I'm just looking out for the next generation of transracial adoptees.

I recognize that poverty/war/financial issues cannot be solved overnight if we just threw a few thousand dollars onto a plane and told the pilot to go to Africa/Asia/Vietnam.

Therefore, there will always be a need for adoption.

However... adoption isn't as easy as flying to Asia, picking up the kid you want and bringing it home and calling it a happily ever after ending. There are LOTS of issues you will need to deal with. Attachment issues, malnutritioned health, motor coordination lapses, etc. It's just not that simple to say you want to adopt and that you have all the love in the world to do it.

You are going to need more than just love to adopt a transracial adoptee. You are going to need understanding. You will need to help them through racism, you will need to understand that they may want to mourn the loss of their first parents and culture. You will need to be extra patient because their mental capacity may be lagging - not because they are stupid - but because they spent x number of months in an orphanage.

Most importantly, you will need to reassure them repeatedly that they were loved *before* you came into their life. You might need to deal with abandonment issues.

Not saying you WILL for sure, just saying you MIGHT have to. Are you prepared for that?

If you're interested, here's a blog you could read to gain a better understanding (and no, it isn't anti-adoption):

http://sisterheping.wordpress.com/

sunny

Adoption should only take place in cases of abuse, addiction, or severe neglect, IMO.

Children are better off with the parents who created them, if the above problems do not exist. That's the way nature designed it.

Adoption is about finding a home for a child, not filling the emotional needs of adults.

Maybe you should ask yourself--why do I want to raise someone else's child? Why do I want to be involved in breaking apart a family--and is it necessary?

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