Help,my niece's father wants me to adopt his 12 year old daughter.?

to make a long story short. My niece, by marriage, is staying with me, my husband and our kids. My niece is 12 years old, her dad has full custody. my niece has been living with her dad's mom since she was 5 years old. the grandma died about a month ago and she has been staying with us since. her dad works offshore on an oil rig, so he isnt where he can keep her and we live in two different school areas. He wants us to adopt he with stipulations. he wants to set up payments, but wants us to come up with an amount. he said that the regular child support amount would break him ( he is remarried with twin two year olds). FINIALLY, MY QUESTION. How much should I say is needed for her? my mother-n-law says $250 a month. but should i put in there for him to buy school clothes and supplies and stuff like that.
PLEASE HELP!!! We want her so bad, but want to make sure her dad will be in the picture and there to help with things she NEEDS. I have 3 kids of my own.
Additional Details
her dad wants to give an amount of money for her and he has talked to an attorney and we are supposed to sit down with him and draw up papers and have everything legal, so "mom" cant try and get her- mom is bad in drugs and keeps shady company.

LORI

I think maybe what you should look into is legal guardianship instead of adoption since she has a mother who is not in her life but who might cause some problems with this?

I am not an expert in this but I am sure that in most if not all states it would be illegal/ nearly impossible for you to adopt this girl without her mothers consent. The only way you could do it without her signing the papers too I think is if she has had her rights taken away legally already? Some parents even if they have NO contact with their kids will really balk at the idea of someone else adopting them. A legal guardianship agreement though may not upset her so much?

I am not sure where you live so I'm not sure about expenses. Other suggestions of around $500/month sound OK to me I guess, I think $250 does sound a bit low. Maybe also work out what type of $$$ you spend on your kids to give you a better estimate, figure out a little budget of what she would need, what you can afford in terms of additional spending, any added insurance/medical type payments, etc. Also if you'd want it all monthly or some just extra in August for school supplies, etc. Also take into account what he makes too I suppose.

I would suggest talking to a family lawyer in your area and see if they can help you figure out what type of legal arrangement would be best for your situation. Good luck:)

snowwillow20

He has twin girls but he can't raise his 12 year old daughter? Shame on him.

Independ"ant"

Well to make it legally stick, I would suggest fostering.
If you adopt he doesn't have to give you a dime once the papers are signed.
Be her guardian and collect support payments, in this case adoption isn't necessary.

Edit: Maybe the mom will get clean and straighten out. Foster until then. Her mom can come back after the adoption and get custody her daughter especially if she can prove the adoption was done to prevent her from being with her daughter. If the father really doesn't want the mom in the picture, he should just keep custody.

Benji 2*20*09 <3

I don't think that when you adopt you have a right to any sort of child support. If you're just taking care of her, you do, but I am pretty sure when you adopt her she will become your responsibility. If you would have to move into a bigger house, etc, I could see maybe needing some extra money, but if not, just have him send you a little money to cover her food and school clothes. Contrary to popular belief, kids aren't THAT expensive unless you're spoiling them! But I would look into the child support in the case of adoption bc I think that's a moot point. Good luck.

#2 due in early Spring!

he has twin little girls but he can't keep his 12 year old! you should adopt her and screw him, obviously his priorities are f***ed up!

I can't understand this really...I have a 13 year old stepson and we have a 2 year old, my hubby was deployed for two years and I was more than happy to keep my 13 year old son, I would never give him to someone else just because I didn't birth him or because his father wasn't here. I knew what I was getting into when I got married!!

really...shame in this man!

sizesmith

You'll simply have to get guardianship of her, with a set payment for child support. It's pretty easy to do at any court house.

If you are going to adopt, you'll have to get the consent of the mother, and there won't be child support, because adopt severs not only the rights, but the obligations as well of the 1st parents. For that, you'll have to have a home study, and an adoption attorney. Another word of caution, make sure you do everything with power of attorney legally, because if an accident happened, or the school had questions, and you didn't have the proper paperwork filed, she could end up classified as abandoned, and end up in foster care, which would be horrible.

Dayle

If you adopt her, she will be yours legally, all responsibilities, medical, clothing, school expenses would be provided by you and your husband, in the same manner you provide for your other three children. I don't know if legal papers can be drawn up, assuring you that her first dad will pay a certain amount of money for her support, I have never heard of it, but it's possible.
I would suggest to talk to a lawyer.

Good Luck!!!!!!

paws4life10

U should adopt her... maybe u can give her needs she hasnt gotten all he rlife.. i think child support abt $400 a month.... im serious!! 250 is nuthing.... dats gud if u adopt her..... but make it sure wid ur kids in a kindly manner like what if u guys a older sister. im saying older cause i guess their young but wat ever they are just say it!!. would u treat her nice... cuz u dont want her 2 feel like shes in prison wid ur kids... not dat i know um!! yah clothes supplies... but sum u could do... cause ur probably alwayz gunna be shopping u dont want her 2 be like oo i want sumfin but u cant get it... so take da decision in a timely manner.... hope i helped!!

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