How Do You Adopt An Older Child?

I am a 21-year-old female. Currently, I am fighting depression because as a result of a rape, I have Herpes. However, what keeps me going is that someday I can adopt a child that needs a parent to care for them.

I had a horrible childhood. My parents were never there for me. I told my mom about the rape recently but she ignored it. She just pretends like it never happened.

How does one adopt an older child? Are they usually in foster care, so you just start fostering a child then adopt them if you both like each other?

I was thinking of killing myself today but then I thought that someday I can changed a child's life. I never had a parent to watch over me. My parents were literally always gone. I had to raise myself. They never protected me.

Do you have to be married to adopt? I am not going to get married because I would never want to infect someone with my disease. However, I would still make a great Mom even though I am single.

Should I adopt an older child someday?
Additional Details
**Please understand that although I am currently depressed and suicidal, I plan on getting psychological help and eventually returning to a balanced state. I want to get better and face my problems so I can be the best Mom ever to a child in need.

calgaryjenhere

Yes, single women can adopt. I have, twice. I too had a difficult childhood. Your homeassesment will go over all of that, as well as what you have done to deal with it and become healthy. There will also be a psychological component, atleast here in AB, Canada there was, to determine psychological health as well.

Start small, being a big sister, volunteering etc while you are working on yourself. That will give you the experience and knowledge, as well as references you will later need to adopt.

Start going to private counselling as well as group counselling, both are very helpful in different ways.

Good luck on your adoption journey.

you're lucky I'm nice

you need to get better first, THEN decide what to do. you can still get married, and have a great marriage, and NOT infect your spouse. at your age, you are too young to adopt. most agencies want a married couple, but some might be willing to work with you. don't give up hope, and keep getting better. you'll be no good to a teenager when you aren't healthy yourself. good luck.

Possum

At this stage - I would suggest it would be best to look into mentoring of older kids that need a big-sister type person to look out for them.

I only recently just read this book by a reporter from the Washington Post - that fought depression and has had bouts of suicidal tendencies - and she found mentoring as an amazing way to help kids and to help herself.
Do try and find a copy - maybe at your local library - it's a great book.
It's called - "The Beast" - by Tracy Thompson. (published in 1995)

Kids that are up for adoption - really need mothers that are very stable - as they have already been through so much in their short lives.
Get help - get yourself well - and see where things go from there.

Please take care of you.

Lillie

Is this a joke?

Who in their right mind would allow a psychotic, manic-depressive, suicidal person adopt an already abused and wounded child?

What the hell kind of "better life" would that be, being on Mommy Suicide Watch 24-7?

Get help. Let somebody else take care of the foster kids.

Marsha R

Hi there. I adopted an 8 1/2 year old last year from China. I love my son and I don't regret having him, however let me tell you that this past year has been absolute he**. You seem to be in a fragile state to begin with, and I wonder if you adopted an older child who told you he hated you, threatened to kill you and your family, soiled himself, had major temper tantrums and panic attacks to the point he would stop breathing, hurt himself and tried to destroy your relationships with others if that may not be what pushed you over the edge instead of helping you be happier. These kids need people who are very well adjusted to help them, not for them to be responsible for helping us through our issues. I don't honestly know how anyone who wasn't rock solid could make it through raising a child with issues. I have experienced a lot of rejection in my life as well, and being rejected by my son cut me to the core. i think you should consider what you would do or feel if your adopted child rejected you too.

I just saw your additional details. I'm glad to hear you are getting help. If you are able to work on your issues and get better perhaps you would have the empathy and understanding to help an older foster child. I second whoever said perhaps try mentoring a child.

Donna B.

Hi Kay, it's me again. I'm not sure where you live and adoption laws are not the same in every country or state. I think it's great that you want to adopt an older child, most people don't. You are not in an good emotion state right now to do so and I think it's great that you are seeking help from councelling right now. Once you are emotionally better, just go ahead and try . I think right now you'r not ready, but a few years down the road I think you will be. Goodluck, Donna

Paramedic Girl

Kay, Lacey, Teena, Trina, Abbie, Sandy, Holly... whoever you are.

Why don't you go back to the other many, many exact questions you have asked under different names and see what the answers are... rather then continually playing the games you do on here?

Christ

you can not adopt a child older than u, but you can call UN orphan child team to adopt as one baby.
you have a parent so your work is easier than everybody.

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