How can REAL mothers be friendly to ADOPTERS?

Robin

DON'T BE SILLY! REAL mothers include:
1st moms (aka, birth moms, bio moms)
foster moms
step moms
adoptive moms (aka adopters)
"other" moms/2nd moms (my best friend's mom, for example, is my "other mom")
Any female who fulfills the role for another human or humans

REAL mothers can be and usually are friendly to most people, except when someone threatens their children. Then the momma bear comes out in any mother.

A REAL mother does what she feels is in the best interest of her child even when it's not in her own best interest.

When a 1st mom makes the painful decision to allow another family to raise her child, it's because she doesn't feel she's capable to raise her own child. That doesn't make her a bad person or any less of a mother.

It's PURE hypocrisy to say "adoption is the loving option" then turn around & say "Pooping a baby out of your pooper...doesn't make you a real mom".

fdlicous

Adopters are parents too. Regardless of whether they gave birth to the kid or not.

Anyone can have a child, it takes a real man or woman to be a PARENT!

Katie R

I don't understand the question. Are you having a hard time being friendly to parents who have adopted children?

By the way, I think parents who adopt their children ARE real mothers!!

Erin D

I don't get it? why wouldn't they be friendly to adopters. They do the exact same thing accept they didn't go through pregnancy. I actually think they're hearts are even bigger sometimes. Hey wait a second, that's really rude to not consider them real moms, you are a hypocrite

Emily Dew

My birthmother met my adoptive mother when I was in my 20's. They were very friendly toward each other. My adoptive mother brought her a photo album to show her pics of me growing up and my birthmother told her she did a good job raising me. If the prime focus is the child and doing what is best for him or her, there should not be a problem. A birthmother can be happy that someone adopted her child and it didn't end up spending its life in a series of foster homes. She can be happy that her child grew up with love and opportunities in life that she couldn't have given him/her.

Rilwyn

Adopters are mothers too...? Mothers that have given birth can smile, say hello, use manners, and treat women who adopt with the same general courtesy that they (I'm assuming here) show everyone else they meet.

Philippa

Firstly I consider myself and my son's adoptive mother as real mothers.

Secondly I am friendly with adoptive parents - adopter is a term used for people adopting ;) in the UK.

Respect goes two ways when someone is respectful then they deserve respect back, they show contempt then they don't deserve respect.

In other words people should treat others the way they want to be treated.

newmommy

First off, THANK YOU everyone else who has defended adoptive parents. I too am in the middle of adopting a baby (she is 11 months old now). Just because the baby isnt blood related that doesnt make the baby ANY less yours. In my case the baby I am adopting is blood related. She was my cousins baby. The mother died a few months ago at the age of 23 in a car accident, so my husband and I are adopting her baby girl. The baby was 2 months old at the time. We cannot have children and it is unfortunate BUT now we ARE going to be parents!!! Blood related or not. We are very excited about this. I may not have gone through 9 months of carrying this baby but I sure as hell am going through 9 months of trying to be her MOTHER. Its been emotionally/mentally painful because its not that easy of a process.

Funny cause I just got an email today about a small child explaining "what does adoption mean?" Her explanation was "Adoption means that you grew in your mommy's HEART instead of her tummy!!" That made me cry. Looks like this child is alot smarter than most adults-especially hypocrits or those who look down on adoptive parents!!

avictor

Ask yourself what makes a real mother.

Surely not the fact your children came out of you - if that was the case no kids would ever go up for adoption now would they.

There is no such real question you have asked.

An adopter is a real mother if not more so - they choose and went through hoops to become one.

I had my first child right out of high school she was an accident. Anyone can have a kid but an adoptive parent must chose too fill out paper work, be scrutinized, have interviews, etc. Perhaps they shouldn't be friendly to you?

Really who do you think you are? So you have a working reproductive system just as all those babies mothers who are crack addicts do? That makes you strain yourself to get along with adoptive mothers?

I am stopping myself now. You must be a troll.

Temperance

How can we answer your REAL question if we are only ADOPTEES?

Yarr

Popping a baby out of your pooter just makes you a birthmom. You aren't a real mother unless you parent a child. So I don't understand how those who adopt aren't 'real' parents.

kateiskate

Generally adults are friendly to other adults regardless of how they feel about them. You can be civil to anyone no matter how you feel about them.

Daisey Duck

Adoptive mothers are REAL mothers. Try treating them with the respect they deserve

Sarah Townen

i am not sure i understand your question

do you mean how to BIOLOGICAL mothers handle the relationship with the mothers that adopted their children?

if that's what you mean then there are lots of books and info online that address it
it's not an easy thing to answer here

but the mindset going into it has to be that the adoptive mother wasn't the 'bad guy'.

please think about changing the word 'REAL' to 'biological'
i think it's more accurate

i don't know why you are saying you are not a hypocrite..but alright

Ryan C

first off how do u define a real mother just cuz u gave birth dont make you a "real" mother.. and why r u calling them "adopters" cuz they want to take a kid whos parents didnt want see yeah to me a real mother is sum1 hwo takes care of u and loves u rember this blood doesnt make u love

sizesmith

I'm both in more ways than one, and I like myself.

who's sane

Not sure what you mean, but how can they not! Some permit a letter once a year or an update, I know from women that i worked with, there e were two that did so. I know of others that no correspondence was permitted until 18. It can be tricky and hard on the kid who never has an answer of why they were given up, yet others it does not bother. I thin from what I have observed from all parties that I have known well, and I do mean the kid, the mother, the adoptive mother, they all have a story. I must say I wish that many never told the kids they were adopted, but the more open the better in my book. I did know a woman that raised the child and did not adopt the kid, but her mom did not want her, and she would have been Better to be adopted by the one and not see her real mom, it caused pure heartache for the kid who could not understand why she longed to see her and got to on occasion and it never changed that the mom did not want her, but had she not been around her, she would have appreciated the woman that raised her far more. I also know of people that years ago, had to give children up, abortion was not an option and it was difficult for all,
It is a wonderfiul thing but it is hard on a child that has no answer about the why and some do meet their birth parents and do not want anythng to do with them. Today I think it is great for a woman to let someone adopt her child, although tough,
The ones that got a letter to the adopted mom from the agency and gave updates were better adjusted it seemed to know that there real mom had 3other kids that she could not afford and did not want to abort, and did not love the dad, but wanted to meet him someday.
I thinkObama s mother did the right thing to tell him his father was a good man, and let him learn later when g rown that he was a drunk etc, so that Obama could grow up believing he was good and his dad was good and gave him positve outlook of who he wanted to be a good man ,and not one that he thought less then of,
It is the reason that kids need to hear good things from their real parents about their othr parent so they feel good about who they are and perception of self is greater, then when a parent runs down the other parent and makes the kid lose self worth! Kids are tricky, good luck, it is a great gift to all involved , it is a matter of handling it with love and specialty that is deserved, it is a powerful gift that many do not appreciate as one of great strength for a woman to do no matter what, ;
Bottom line is THE KID it is supposed to be about the kid they deserve that, it is what people need and are made from and gives them worth that they are-valuable people!

xtina

What is the question? How can 1 person be friendly to another especially when they share a big thing in common like parenthood? Do you think people who cannot carry children don't deserve children? There are many children out there that need good homes. Wow as a mother with friends who have adopted children I all of a sudden feel sad that there are people out there like you.

Warrior

i think you should treat them like people if it wasn't for people willing to take these children the kids would have to be in a home i take my hat off to them anyone can give birth but raising them and loving them that's what makes them mum or dad

liltootz16

i dont think thats hypicritical.....first of all think about their situation...some women cant have kids of their own....why should you judge them on wanting to have the feeling of having a child...plus if you think about it there is alot of children in this world who dont have parents....those mothers that adopt are taking poor children that dont have a mom and giving them one...

Tsunami

simple you treat them with respect. they are the ones that are taking your baby and taking care of them and they should be respected for what they are doing. its not for you they are doing this they love that child and they are offering a good nice home for them. its up to you to not inter fer so much and you know what you are doing a disservice to them and the child for hanging around so much its not for you its for the BaBy and their rights that should be protected i this time of need.

Gondola Girl

Because people who adopt children are very wonderful people who adopt kids out of the goodness of their hearts. What do REAL mothers who give their kids away have to say for themselves?

RAY

Will i dont know what to tell you but the best thing is to just ask your mother to let you have more free dommmmmmmmm

bill l

you must be if you don't know.....it's a GOD thing...that's how.

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