How can adoption benefit your life as well as the adopted child's life?

sizesmith

In our case, we adopted a baby boy from a woman we knew through a mutual friend.

She had previously abandoned a child with his 60 year old, alcoholic/abusive father.

She had, by her own admission, done meth at the beginning of pregnancy, and the day he was born.

She chose to not ever work, she chose to run around and drink, and party on drugs. She chooses to live in a drafty camper, rather than try for anything better. She chooses to live with men who aren't her husband, and won't stay in one place long enough to be served with divorce papers, and tries to get pregnant (in our state, a pregnant woman cannot be divorced). She also said she didn't want another boy. Ironically, her next child was a girl she kept.

I've seen her with her new baby, she had 10 months after our son was born. In many ways, she's a good mom, and she tries to love the baby. She doesn't do a very good job in more ways though, and the baby, as well as her older son, don't ever look happy. Our son giggles all the time, is confident, and is not exposed to cigarettes, marijuana, meth, and God only knows what else. I know that she wouldn't ever intentionally strike a child, but she can't kick her bad habits, and now, it appears the state is going to take the baby.

Our reasons for adopting wasn't fertility, it was the desire to love another child. For so many years before we met, we both knew neither of us could have children. We ended up helping a few pregnant women with their kids, and knew at that point we wanted to adopt a child. We didn't expect an infant, but that's what we got. Other benefits are, it's keeping us vital, active more so than normal, happy all the time, it gives us purpose more than "normal" and we share our family's love with friends, relatives, members of our church, and he brings a lot of joy to a lot of people. I just hope that he thinks we did the right thing by adopting him.

Camira B

Um...

Okay, for the sake of your speech, I'm going to play devil's advocate.

The first parents get: a chance to finish schooling and get a good job.
The peace of mind knowing that their child will be raised by a loving family.
The honor of helping a couple fulfill their dreams of getting to be parents.

The adoptee gets:
A better life (i.e. more things, better opportunities, etc)
A two parent Household
Parents that chose him/her

Ugh. That was painful to write. Too bad it's all a load of crap. Why not do a persuasive speech on the cons of both?

Wundt

Adoptive Parents get all of the benefits, and problems, of biological parents (I know because I have been both). If you enjoy and feel the urge to parent, then having children, adopted or not, can fulfill that need. (Whether or not there are 'benefits' to to being a parent is debatable; I have several childless friends, and a few with children, who would argue they are few and far between.) I will note that adoption is very rarely truly altruistic; people adopt because, at least in part, it fills a need and/or desire.

Adoptive children (ideally) get love, care, stability, opportunity, and safety they might not have otherwise received. Regardless of if you believe adoption is always necessary or if it is always ethical, the intent of adoption is to find a better, permanent home for the child.

Robin

Wow. Your argument "may" be based on a lot of speculation. AP's know that they "may" have given a child a better life. The child "could have" come from an abusive home. Adoptees "get love, care, stability, opportunity, and safety they 'might not have' had". Hmmm

You may not see "how it was painful to write" because you're missing the intended sarcasm. As an abused adoptee - which sadly there are many more of us than I ever imagined - we didn't get the "better life" promised.

It was good for our adoptive parents because they were able to fulfill their emotional needs, no matter how healthy or unhealthy their needs were. Especially for parents who can't have "children of their own" - they can "own" someone else's child.

Part of the problem is the intent to find a better home. Who decides what's "better"? Middle class (alcoholic/abusive) parents with more money than a poor divorced working mother? The child gets new school clothes & a trip to Disneyland each year by parents who "chose" her (to be the scapegoat of all family problems). In exchange for that divorced mother that really loved her.

Yes, there are over a 100,000 kids in foster care who really do need and deserve to have loving parents and a permanent, stable home. There are orphans. Around the world there are orphanages with desperate living conditions. These kids may have a better life through adoption. I say "may" because it depends on the parents they end up with. (read about abuse in international adoptions, esp. older kids)

But many adoptions don't happen from foster care b/c people want babies. Or they don't want the babies they buy - ur - adopt to go looking for their biological families one day.

You might consider starting off your persuasive speech on adoption with the statement (of reality) that ALL adoptions begin with LOSS. For AP's (adoptive parents), the loss of having a biological child. For birth parents, the loss of their child (for whatever reason). For the adoptee, who looses their biological family connections, their heritage, personal & family history, access to medical & genetic information. That in spite of all that loss, in some cases, adoption can have benefits.

Just a thought...Good luck!

Lillie

I'm sorry, I can't answer that. I'll wait until you come back for the cons speech, I can definitely help you with that.

Linny G

Adopted parents benefits:
Fills the void caused by the loss of being able to conceive
All the baby, none of the labor or stretch marks

Adoptee benefits:
We get to be the saviour baby for our a parents
We get a lifetime of unresolved grief from losing our natural family
We get abandonment issues
We get a fear of rejection
We get confusion because we "don't fit in" with our a families
We get massive amounts of guilt because we miss and want to know our n families
We get NO ORIGINAL BIRTH CERTIFICATE
We get no medical history (which in my case could prove deadly)
We get a pony

First Mom benefits: uummm, errrr, welll..........

Jill_01

Many of the adoptive parents are unable to have children of their own due to fertility issues.
It's a great benefit to them because they get the joy of raising and loving a child. It is also rewarding to know you've given a child a better life than they might have had.

For the adopted child, they could have came from an abusive family or from parents unable to care for them. Their benefit is loving parents in a stable home.

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