How come most people always go for adopting babies?

Marie C

I can see both sides of this issue, because I've adopted one infant and two older children (ages 10 and 4, respectively).

When I was becoming a parent for the first time, I wanted a baby as young as possible. I thought I would only have this one chance to be a mother, and didn't want to miss out on any more of my child's life than was necessary. She was four months old when I got the referral, and eight months old by the time I traveled to China to bring her home. It was an amazing experience to see her first time sitting up on her own, her first time eating solid food, her first step, just about everything. I can totally understand why many adoptive parents want a very young infant for this reason - not to miss anything.

But with my older daughters, there were also a lot of "firsts" - first hug, first word in English, first time they said "I love you," first time climbing on the school bus, etc. I may have missed many of their developmental steps as infants, but still got to share in a great part of their lives.

The hardest part of adopting older children is that they often have had serious trauma in their lives; no matter how much you love them and care for their needs going forward, you can't erase the hurt in those first years. I think that is what many prospective parents fear about adopting an older child, and I can understand that, too.

Pip

Because people misguidingly think babies are clean slates.

crimkid2002

Same reason everybody wants a puppy. I agree with you but the majority of people want an infant.

made you look is due Oct 3rd

They want the full effect of having a child. You can't be a parent because I know as a parent rocking my baby was the most beautiful thing ever. Not that I'm saying that reading to a 2/3 year old isn't just as magical but, sometimes people want the whole deal. Plus it's harder to integrate a child/teen into a family. I'd like to foster kids when my babies are a little older. Maybe I'll even adopt some. I'm open minded to any age but, I do love babies.

lydia

i think because people adopt babies they think they are starting fresh. Often when you adopt a older child you are adopting there social and rejection issues. And most people who can't get pregnant want to raise a baby so they adopt one.

Personally if i adopted i would go for older children because it seems like after the age of 4 or 5 no one wants to adopt them.

Serenity71

I hear people throw the "adoption" word around all the time in mothers circles.(And the odd teenage girl who dreams of saving impoverished children.) Usually if they discover my kids are adopted I get the..."Really we were thinking of adoption blah blah blah..." Often its a throw away line to make them look good and compassionate. When asked if they even filled out an expression of interest. (The very basic stage of starting to even qualify,) I get blank stares 99% of the time. Then I know they weren't serious at all about it.

ALL children need a stable home, proper care and love. Bottom line. Babies, toddlers, young kids teens...

The best thing you can do at this point is start reading books by people who have already walked down the path of fostering and adoption. (all sides,) Children who have been through abuse often have special needs too. They need a strong heart and loads of patience to help them through it.Belief that the child can recover from it, and forge ahead in life even if the mother was a drug user and left a mark. (I've met kids who have been abused badly because I know some foster parents, its no picnic for them, especially when they have take the child for a visit with the abuser and later try and pick up the pieces of a child reliving the trauma. Some kids have even broken furniture, tried to runaway so they don't have to see that person again...)

If you can find a foster parent who's raised children who have been through all kinds of situations I recommend you make a time and listen to what they have to say.(Toss out the rose coloured glasses and saviour ideals too, kids see straight through it.)

I'm not trying to put you off at all, actually the opposite, if you are right for fostering/adoption then often your assesor will determine the age group you're most suited for.

All the best, and I pray for blessings in your future.

adoptive mother

Our son was adopted from China at 23 months of age. My husband and I felt this was best for our family because we so love the toddler years. We would adopt another toddler again, no problems. Right now, we are approved to adopt up to two kids, 0-5 years old. We just want another child!

Not everyone goes for adopting babies. Some do and they will also adopt older kids. Takes all kinds.

Dread Head momma 2/4

they don't.

i know far more adopted children than babies... in fact my husband's cousin is the only person i know adopted from birth... some 30 years ago... everyone else has adopted older kids or teenagers.

we here of adoptions and babies more often cause people like to make a big stink about it whereas there's nothing they can complain about when it comes to older kids.

most people DON"T go for babies... most people go for helping children in need

cricketlady

Because older kids have extra baggage and counseling and therapy does NOT always make the problems any easier to handle. Some children have been abused and harmed beyond believe.
And yes you ae so right the drug addicted babies do have many problems---most do but not all.
The majority of children coming into care now are coming in because of drug problems in the home.
But they all deserve a home and we can only do so much. We are not miracle workers.

mswnana

Because many times an older child has problems such as abusive foster parents or physical/emotional problems.

Shortie

People who want to adopt babies usually want to because they can't have babies of their own and want to treat the child as their own from the moment they are born. Although I see what you are saying adopting a child is loving thing to do no matter what age the child is so you shouldn't condemn those who want a baby since they are just doing what would make them happy. I agree more people should want to adopt a toddler or older child but sometimes these type of kids would not fit into their environment or the parents don't have the patience to deal with mental issues they have. Atleast the parents are honest instead of stepping in then realizing they can't do it and off to the next foster parent.

Yeye

In my opinion, most people go for adopting babies because they are too young to realize their surroundings yet. If you adopt a baby, they would have been with you for most of their life without remembering the horrors of the orphanage. As well, another bonus is that they will adapt to you and accept you as their real mother/father more easily than a toddler/older kids.

Older kids (maybe even toddlers) will not be able to accept you as a real mother/father because there are holes in their life. Who were they with before they met you? Do they remember their REAL mother/father? A baby will not remember those holes.

As well, some people want to adopt a baby to feel as if the baby was theirs and they are the ones who gave birth to that baby. It is a magical moment to hold the baby in your arms and stare at it like a wonder. The same goes for toddlers/older kids, but it is more magical if it's a baby. Don't ask me why, it's just natural human nature. As well, babies just have that lovely innocence in their eyes that older kids don't have.

Hope this helped :)
Good luck if you decide to adopt a child :)

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