How come so many people are against adoption?

crazychickizback

Don't let them get you down! They're just bitter because either they gave their child up and need someone to blame or were unfit enough to have their former children taken. If you want to adopt, GO FOR IT!

Lori A

There will always be a need for GOOD adoptive parents who understand that there are struggles their children go through. Who won't be offended by the fact that their children will someday (in most cases) want to search for and have a relationship with their natural families.

Parents who are sympathetic toward the first parents. Who talk openly about a childs adoption.

But if you think that children are clean slates and that they should not be thinking of anyone but you then I am affraid your not ready.

If your attitude is "well they signed the papers" toward the first parents then I'm affraid you will do more damage than good.

If you can open your home to a child then open your heart too and understand their struggles and desires to reunite have nothing to do with you, your parenting skills, or how much you have given them.

If you can understand and accept that it takes BOTH nature and nurture to raise a child then maybe just maybe you have what it takes.

If you can be these parents then I applaud you. There will always be a need for mothers and fathers of this type.

Adoption is much more than just giving a child a home. More than beign rescued. More than filing a void.

LadyMoon

If you're talking about a child who genuinely is orphaned and has noone else to care for them and faces a miserable life in an institution then adoption is wonderful.

If you're talking about a vulnerable young woman bullied into giving up her child by a sanctimonious social worker, and an adoptive family who just want to plug the hole in their lives that infertility has left by taking someone else's child then adoption is very wrong.

DevonChaos

Some people are against adoption because they can look past the fact that people term it as a "unselfish act" for both the first parents and the adoptive parents. Most people adopt because they feel they "need" a child. Adults shouldn't "need" a child. They should want one, but also be able to cope with not being able to have their own. Adopting a child doesn't solve anything. It just switches the problems into different categories. Children NEED parents, grown ups don't NEED children.

Adoption can cause the first mother to be heartbroken and in loss for the rest of her life. She may not have been 100% ready for all of the consequences due to giving up her child.

Adoption can cause the child to have severe psychological issues for their whole life due to many factors. I know I have. If you deny this, you are not ready to adopt. There are feelings to take in to account with your adopted child. They are going to grieve the loss of their first family, as well they should. Are you prepared for this? Do you understand how deeply this can cut? If you yourself are not adopted, it is a VERY hard thing to wrap your mind around.

Basically, you cannot say that you want to adopt to fill some void in your life. That is selfish. You cannot say that you want to adopt a child of a specific race or gender. That is incredibly petty. Not that there are laws against such a thing, but this is a HUMAN. You should be willing to help any child, if you are willing to help at all.

anon

I'm not against adoption. I'm all for finding families for children that need families, such as orphans, abandoned children, children whose families of origin are truly unsafe. But, I am against the current practice of targeting young, especially unwed, pregnant women and convincing them that making an adoption plan is in everyone's best interest in order to find babies for couples that want a baby but can't conceive or carry to term. I believe that reforms need to be made.

Heather B

Secrets, lies and unethical adoption agencies.

Porsha

Being an adoptee myself I think it fine to adopt a child that needs a good home. But to pick and choose like your buying a pair of shoes and a purse it just plain wrong. The kid will grow up and wonder why the birth mother gave them away, feeling abandoned and unwanted. Trust me, if your not adopted, you have absolutely no clue. I am in the process of locating my biological family right now, because I'v never felt whole or complete. This is something all adoptees face and so will your adopted child. Don't pick the child, let the child pick you............

???now what???

I think mosst people are FOR foster care adoption for children. Please, take one or more in, they have a lot of love to give.

Possum

You obviously wanted to bring you own bio child into the world - you said so yourself - and now you are changing your tune because you can't???

I'm sorry - but you are obviously desperate for a child - and you just don't want to hear anything but what you want to hear.

You and your husband are young.

Fact.

Mostly - you have to be older than you are to adopt.

Fact.

Adoption is far more complex than you seem to have a grasp of - and if you can't grasp that - you could be more harmful to an adoptee than helpful.

Fact.

I wish you well. But please open your heart and mind - and see what it's all really about. Sorry you can't have things your way right now - but sometimes that's what we all must face.

ETA: you wrote this -
"Why bring another life into this world when they are so many children wanting"
But you say that you wanted a bio child also??????
just. doesn't. make. sense.

ETA2:
for Stepherz:
the person that posed this question has been on here asking questions earlier stating that she and her husband have been UNABLE to have a bio child.
THAT's why I mentioned it.
I'm just going on what she has written. Nothing more.
Nothing less.
Thanks.

CrazyCatLady

Very well said SofiaKat. Possum, she didn't say she wanted to adopt because she couldn't have her own children. Her intentions are good.

Every one thinks adoption is a wonderful thing from the outside but it's not until you start doing research and meeting adopted children that you learn that there is a lot of struggle in it. It's tough and there is a lot of pain for the child and feelings of abandonment. I suggest you look into it fully and learn about all the struggles before you decide to adopt.

You seem sincere and seem to have the child's interest at heart instead of your own and that is what's important.

maybe

Adoption was originally created to find homes for orphans.

Then it was used to punish "unwed mothers" by taking their babies away and giving them to "more deserving" married couples.

Now it has evolved into a profitable business of finding babies for people who can't conceive, or who don't want pregnancy to interfere with their career or lifestyle, or to make people with savior complexes feel important.

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

try growing up with no medical history. you get sick at age 15, you go undiagnosed for 7 years.

you then have permanent damage from said disease. it was all avoidable, but secrets and lies kept you from saving yourself.

i would also like a non-fake birth certificate.

if you really must adopt, please go thru foster care. those are the kids who NEED families, which is what adoption if for.

it is NOT for people who "feel like adopting" bc they PLANNED it.

Amelias Mommy

my daughter is adopted. its not that i couldnt have kids of my own is just that when i saw her i fell in love. my parents and sister at first where kind of off about it but now they adore her. shes going to be the most spoiled little girl i know. my grandparents and older relatives seem to be the only ones that have an issues with it. i think its because of the age gap thing. my grandma doesnt see why i would take a child that isnt mine and raise it. but whatever i love my little girl. couldnt love her more if i had her myself. shes great. i wish you and your husband luck on the adoption process. god bless

ashley j

i agree! it's wonderful that there are people like you and your husband in this world. i think it would be a great blessing to give birth to a child and, just the same, adopt a child. every child is a blessing...no matter where they come from. don't worry what people think. all that matters is that you love that child as much as your own. and that's all they need...love! i think it's wonderful you and your husband have made this decision. good luck!

mommyofone

I think that is awesome that you and your husband are going to adopt! Every child needs a loving and caring family and home!! Good for you!
Good luck in adopting!! I hope you can!

23yo Mum of 2

I didn't know people were against it. I'm not, if you want to give a child a home then go for it.

Mindy

I am not against adoption, but when I was younger I wanted my own. Seeing how that might not happen, I think adoption would be great. I too would like to do both.

I think those that are opposed worry about the child they will get. Depending on the age of the baby/child, trauma can be very hard to deal with. Illnesses are another problem. When you do not know anything about the parents and what their problems are as far as health it can be scary. People always want that perfect healthy child, plus they want their legacy to live.

ANASTASIA: Even a non-adopted person can go through life very sick without knowing what is wrong with them. I am one of them. I was not as fortunate as others. My parents never listened to me when I told them I was not feeling well or that something was wrong. Instead I was ridiculed and told that I was a hypochondriac. I am not. I was very sick and did not find out what was wrong until I got into my 30s. My parents never went to the doctors, still don't. I am now suffering from many complications that could have been avoided.

I do not know why people took this question so offensively. The questioner simply wanted to know why you would not want to adopt a child and this reason is different for everyone. I think it is great that she and her husband want to do this.

samantha r

Hey Girl, I am adopted and so is my brother and sister. We are all from different families. My Mom & Dad were fortunate be raise us as their own. They were older though and higher-middle class. If this is a decision you and your husband have made as a whole, I suggest you take more time to research and learn more about it. You are very young and its looking like you are giving up on conceiving a child of your own. Be patient......Sometimes it takes years. Good Luck!!!! The more you know about adoption the better. My parents didn't go to an agency, they found an attorney and had private adoptions, we all were babies.

pike942 SFECU pray4revival FOI

I've not come across negativism so much against adoption as I have judgmentalism towards others. In your case they presume they know you and your husband and your home-life. They presume that you are both too young and unstable.

Several years ago, my wife and I attended a Foster/Adoptive Parent training course. There were military couples in attendance. There were also military wives in attendance without their husbands. Since they were obviously capable of raising their own children in the absence of their spouse, what in the world would make them incapable of raising other children?! Nothing. If you have love in your heart for children, and want to give that love to children, I say go for it, and God bless you for it!

Pammie

Oh my people can be cruel. I asked a question about adoption earlier and got some harsh comments. Many of us who want to adopt are not doing it because they can not have a child. I to want to adopt because I feel as if I have a loving home and would like to invite another child into it. There are so many children in the world who have no one. They are alone. For those of us wanting to adopt we want to give them connections, roots in a family, structure, and stability. Adoption is not about not being able to have a child. It is about wanting to provide a home for a child who needs one. Children do better in a loving family. They have better security and emotional stability when they are not moved from foster home to foster home. I guess I just do not understand why any of you would think adopting is wrong. These are not little adults we are talking about but children who need families. Family is in fact the building block of all society. For those of you who are against it maybe you should visit and orphanage in third world country or talk to children in our foster care system. Open your eyes and see the truth about the pain and suffering these children see and feel.

Rowan

Well, i think it's wonderful you want to adopt. There are some on here who aren't supportive of anyone who adopted, no matter what. There are also those who gibe a thumbs down for anyone whos had a good experience
I think alot of it stems from their own experiences and difficulties. I'm just going by what they reveal on here, if i am off, let me know!lol
Do what your heart and mind tell you to do. Be open to every aspect of it, and be prepared for everything.

staceydv4

sp ppl can be harsh on here.. sometimes but good luck with everything

B. White

Many adoptions go right. All but one of the adoptees I know are glad that they were adopted. Many people on Y!A adoptions have had negative experiences and use this forum to vent their frustrations about how they were wronged by adoption. They view the entire adoption process as predatory. While I agree that reform is needed, painting all adoptions with one brush is ridiculous. Natural parents, adoptees, and adoptive parents can have different experiences depending on the situation. There is a lot of negativity in this forum, especially when it comes to prospective adoptive parents. It's sad but if you post in this forum you will probably be verbally attacked. Just remember that Y!A adoptions isn't a representative sample of the population; most people are not anti-adoption.

Abe

Well, they wouldn't be in your bloodline.. but wow, yes children need good parents. Its a great deed.

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